Suddenly Burn So Cold
by moreteaplease
Summary: Snape is captured and punished. He realisies it may be the best thing to ever happen to him. Maybe. Complete but posted in chapters for your input!WARNING will be slash and mention of non-con and other general angsty goodness! Please r&r,first long fic!
1. Chapter 1

_**Suddenly burn so cold.**_

He lay awake, listening to the rain slamming into the hospital wing's windows. By his calculations it should be somewhere around 2am. He had grown annoyingly used to Madam Pomfrey's routine over the days he had unwillingly occupied this bed, (third on the right, in ward two he had decided), and her last check on her patients had been at midnight.

Brief chats with any still awake, though there were mercifully few- only several students too ill to travel and a couple of people from Hogsmeade who were making use of the quiet school to avoid St Mungos. A healing charm applied here, a safe sleep one there and then the barely discernable rustle of the curtains affording him a little privacy as she approached him.

Every night the same.

He'd close his eyes, pretending to be asleep, anything to avoid the endless prattle and gentle, careful pity, Merlin! how he hated that pity! Hated being stuck here like this! As he began the slippery path into self pity, he pulled himself to order, rational, potion brewing mind angrily chastising himself. And so a plan was formed. A stupid, childish plan which like as not would fail… But at least he would be trying. So, here he lay at 2 am, a noisy storm outside the window, 'which may just work to my advantage' he thought, waiting for the quiet footsteps of the nurse doing the night watch. Pomfrey would be asleep, and if any of the other patients were awake he was counting on a soft chastisement from the nurse and sleep charm to take care of it.

Here she came, slippered feet padding. He closed his eyes, relaxed his head slightly to one side and waited. The rustle of a tweaked curtain. Aware now of eyes watching him, an awareness honed years ago, prior warning being helpful at the hands of the Marauders, and one which he was now very glad of.

And then it was gone, he was alone again.

The feet padded away. He waited, heart gently thumping, feeling unexpectedly nervous, like he was a child about to do something naughty. The feeling annoyed him. Judging the timing was right; he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Aside from embarrassingly supervised trips to the bathroom he had not left this bed in four long irritating days. His mind became alive again as he slowly began his plan.

Corner of the bed, yes, four steps forward, and then the curtain. He slipped through, waiting for a whispered voice to catch him, but none came. Releasing a breath he didn't know he was holding, he took six steps forward, smaller than his normal steps, roughly the same, he hoped, as the nurse's…

Now in the middle of the corridor he turned a quarter right and counted 1, 2 ….17, 18, 19, hand reached out, 20, 21, door. Its cool wood felt wonderful under his finger tips. He paused for a moment, a headache screaming in protest at the movement, physical weakness something he'd forgotten to account for. He pried the door open just enough to slip through, closing it gently and forced himself to focus on the task in hand. He silently thanked the founders for deciding to put the hospital wing relatively near the Dungeons in case of emergencies.

Getting the layout of the halls in his mind he pushed off, and hand brushing the walls gently, negotiated his first set of twisting stairs. Encouraged, and feeling on more familiar ground the deeper he went, he let his stride become his own, almost feeling he was on another of his night time 'patrols', hoping to catch miscreants in what ever acts they were up to…

Before he knew it he was at his own doors, muttering the charms he entered; glad he was not one for clutter like Dumbledore. He silently congratulated himself on a successful 'escape'. He wandlessly (they had taken it off him, he planned to change THAT very soon.) flicked an 'incendio' at the hearth and feeling the warmth slowly flood his quarters he padded in his stockings to his bedroom. At the edge of his bed he reached under his pillow, where, as a habit from his childhood, he kept his night shirt. Swapping it with the uncomfortable hospital gown he slid beneath his sheets and fell, for the first time in a long while, truly asleep.

-0o0o0-

Albus Dumbledore watched the sleeping man, a slight worried frown on his otherwise calm face. He had gently taken his place on a convenient chair at the side of the bed and, relaxing, began to pull at his beard. He had a feeling he may be in for a long wait. After Madam Pomfrey's irate;-

"_He's gone! Taken himself off! Must have sneaked out! Here at two, gone at 4. In those damp Dungeons no doubt, not in any fit state either… I won't have patients deciding when they leave! I will _not_ Albus! That pig headed man can come straight back! I…"_

"_Poppy, my dear, it is not a surprise. As there has been no hysteria about finding him roaming the halls, I assume he is safely in his rooms."_

"_It's not acceptable Albus!"_

"_Yes it is, Poppy. More than. It is both acceptable and a good thing, better than we could ever had hoped for. I will go to him and keep you informed. Thank you Poppy, you have done a wonderful job." he placated._

"_Well, really…" and off she had stormed._

He had made his way to the Dungeons, counter charmed the doors to admit him and silenced any wards before they could activate. There were, he mused, bonuses to being Headmaster, and the ability to enter any room he needed to was one of them. He gently called out "Professor?" No answer. A little louder, still nothing. He noticed the glowing embers in the hearth and realised the futility in removing the wand from one of the few Wizards able to do wandless magic. He made his way to the door and stopped when he saw the recumbent form in the bed, still deeply asleep. He had called once more, out of politeness, not really wanting to wake him, and taken this seat. He sighed. A cup of tea would be good about now, then remembered there were no house elves in Snape's quarters. They were an annoyance, the younger man thought, and generally too scared of him to function. Oh well. Never mind. As he sat and watched, his mind set to wandering…

_Dumbledore had sat watching his Potions Master breathing. In, out. In, out. Regular, slowly, hypnotic. He dragged a hand, callused from years of magic, over his face, trying to wipe away the tired ache in his eyes. He just couldn't help but watch him breathe. He squeezed his eyes shut, but every time he did he saw the room again, the room he had been in earlier, square, empty, stone floor and walls. A single candle burnt itself out supported by it own pool of wax in the middle of the floor. Sat against the wall in one corner had been the man they were all looking for. Severus Snape. His man. They had sent a note, the Death Eaters, un-signed, but no doubt who it was from. It stated, quite simply, 'What good is a spy who can't.' Not a question, a statement. It had taken them a day to find him, finally it had been Remus Lupin, purely by accident as he attempted to arrange a meeting with the Werewolves. He had smelt him. _

_He had sat against the wall in one corner, not a mark on him. Dark hair tangled and un-kempt, but nothing else out of place. Robes immaculate. The only things to give away that anything were wrong was his hands, one pushed against each wall, as if holding himself up-right, or pushing himself further into the corner. And his eyes. The whites of his eyes were brilliant red, burst blood vessels standing out sharply against his black irises. _

_When he found him, Lupin had tried to approach him but, scared of alerting the wrong people to his presence, had decided to wait for his signal to reach the Order and back up to arrive. When back up finally came, in the form of Dumbledore, Shaklebolt and Moody, the ensuing battle had been loud enough to cover Lupins silent approach to Snape, though still not wanting to talk, he found himself uselessly sitting and waiting again looking into the red eyes which seemingly looked straight through him, as any attempt he made to touch Snape was met with the man jerking away violently. _

_Lupin watched him. _

_Frowning as he tried to pin point what it was about him that had changed. He watched the dark eyes, jumping from side to side as the sounds of wand fight went on over head. He watched as Snape paused, mouth slightly open, head on one side, listening to the approaching footsteps of (Lupin hoped) his rescuers. Finally, he watched the momentary terror that passed over those eyes in the split moment between the door opening and Dumbledore crying out in relief at finding his man. _

_Dumbledore had rushed toward the younger wizard with all intentions of carrying him back to Hogwarts if he needed to, when the young Werewolf to his side grabbed at his arm. _

"_Headmaster," Lupin had spoken quietly, he had realised what was wrong. "slowly. I, I don't think he can see us…"_

_Snape's head had snapped toward him, his lips soundlessly forming he word 'Lupin'. Dumbldore had slowly crouched down. As he spoke the cornered mans name, the head snapped back again. Scowling. Dumbledore raised a hand to the cold pale cheek in front of him, and drew a thumb under an eye, wiping away a thin line of blood which had seeped like a tear from the corner. He had just leant forward to catch the barely whispered "Albus," when the eyes flickered shut and the exhausted body collapsed forward onto him. He had scooped him up and brought him home._

_Now he sat, watching the raspy in and out, the shallow rise and fall of the too thin chest. The occasional twitch of a hand as the Dreamless Sleep was fought. Poppy had assured him that keeping him under was the right thing to do. That the body needed time to heal what it could before the mind was awake. Keeping him under had proved harder than it should have been. Poppy had discovered a built up tolerance to many of the healing potions, along with traces of a lot that she wouldn't prescribe at all. Their first attempt, witnessed by Lupin as he came to check up on the sleeping man, had been quite horrific;_

_Snape had sat up, screamed once, or attempted to scream, his vocal cords battered by whatever had befallen him. Then he had taken to clawing at his eyes, wiry strength besting Lupins attempts to quell him. He had drawn blood, finger nails digging into skin, leaving long gashes down his cheeks and around his sockets. It had been several minutes before Dumbledore had managed to hit him with a Stupefy, much to everyone's horror. Poppy had cleaned him up, and then started to modify a Dreamless Sleep._

_And Lupin had stayed._

_The new potion seemed to be working, and the plan was to let him wake out of it any time now, twenty four hours after finding him. _

_Dumbledore stood ready, wand drawn, in case of the need to stun him again. Poppy doubted it, the pain at least controlled by potions. As the younger man started to stir, Dumbledore began to softly chatter away, a soothing litany of nonsense, intending to give the waking man a sense of place. Finally, the dark eyes opened. They shot around the room a few times, desperately searching for something to focus on, then, as his memory kicked in, they closed again. _

"_Albus?" he said quietly._

"_Here my child. How are you feeling?" A stupid question, he knew. He placed a hand on the mans arm._

"_I am blind, Albus. Aren't I?"_

_Dumbledore felt a tear slip down his cheek;_

"_Yes Severus."_

"_Un-reversible?"_

"_Yes."_

"_I thought so. It felt so. Must I stay here?"_

_Poppy stepped forward, placing a hand on his other arm;_

"_For now. Until I am sure there is nothing else going on."_

"_There isn't. I would know. A concentrated Cruciatus, that's all. He is terribly good at it. My head aches, but I suppose that's a side affect."_

"_Maybe, I would like you to stay here 'till I am sure."_

"_Fine. May I sleep?"_

"_Of course."_

"_With Dreamless? I have no wish to see my last sight again just yet."_

"_This is the last vial, I had to alter it. You have quite a developed resistance."_

"_But not a dependency…" he said, almost proudly._

_And with that he had drifted off._

…………………………………..

Snape's sleep had taken a rather turbulent turn when the wonderful deep void of nothing it had been was replaced with the same feeling of being watched which was, annoyingly, becoming the norm. As he swam ever closer to consciousness the feeling grew until he was certain of two things. One, he was awake, and two, he was defiantly not alone. At this, a sharp trickle of fear seeped across his mind. He opened his eyes, momentarily causing the trickle to become a flood at the nothingness before him. Then the familiar smell of potions from a past life gave him a sense of place and he relaxed. Slightly. Assuming there was only one person able to enter his rooms uninvited, he asked in a slightly annoyed voice;

"How long have you been sat there, headmaster?"

"Ah! Severus!" voice bright and sunny, possibly a little too so for the potion master's taste, "Good morning! Not long, really, not long at all. Very comfortable chair you have here. Could murder some tea though. I'll go and rustle up an elf, get breakfast going for us. Then we'll have a nice chat."

Not one for early morning company, the reply was less than enthusiastic; "Wonderful." Dumbledore left the room, allowing a little privacy for Snape's second challenge in 24 hours. Clothes. 'At least', he thought grimly, 'everything matches.'

Dumbledore had managed to coerce an elf into fetching a breakfast, a little of every thing, not knowing what Snape would fancy, and a large pot of tea. He sat awaiting his Potions Master, the occasional noise from the bedroom assuring him that he was at least on his way. Thinking over how to breach the subjects that he needed to, he decided on the direct approach when the adjoining door opened and with the briefest of pauses, the tall man crossed to his table with nearly all his normal grace, silence and poise. The scowl, however, a long established trademark of the man, was gone, replaced with a look of utter concentration.

"Splendid. I could not find any mugs though. And the elves seem rather reluctant to look…" Dumbledore did know where the mugs were kept, he had an unerring ability to locate tea making apparatus in any place almost by radar, it was just something to say to alert Snape to where he was. He was only slightly surprised when the man went to a cupboard, fingers whispering across the door to the handle, and removed two glass mugs, crossed the room to where the Headmaster sat and set them down before him.

"Mugs." he said, almost triumphantly. Dumbledore smiled and decided to bite the bullet.

"Thank you. So, Severus. How do you wish to continue?"

"What, no beating around several bushes while you try to work out the best way to treat me?" said Snape, only a little tersely though secretly glad of Dumbledore's abruptness, and he mused for a moment before;

"I believe that for the moment I wish to remain in my quarters. Alone. To…adjust."

"Severus we both know that beating around bushes is not your style. Alone hmm, I see." The head sounded a little hurt, "No, I can understand that. You will keep me posted on the headaches and any developing problems." That was not a request. "And, well, I hate to ask so soon, please excuse my brutality, but have you thought about teaching? Term starts in only five weeks. Rest assured that if you decide against it you will remain here in another capacity…"

"Albus, you know I prefer it this way. I do not appreciate 'mollycoddling'."

"I know. I shall attempt to quell any urges I have to 'coddle'."

"Indeed. We shall see. As for teaching…I have to admit to giving it some thought, not a lot else to do in that confounded Hospital wing nor Malfoy's dungeons, and I have concluded that I will continue. I have a few ideas we could discuss. That is, unless..." he tapered off. A flicker of uncertainty crossed his face, making Dumbledore rise and place a hand on his shoulder, ignoring the flinch.

"My dear friend. I shall be honoured to keep you as my Potions Master, Hogwarts could have no finer. Now," he sat down, "what for breakfast? Eggs, meats, cereals? I have it all here!" Snape visibly relaxed, and shot his shiny black eyes in the direction of Dumbledore, looking straight through him.

"Thank you" he said softly. Then louder, "Tea. Black, two sugars." Dumbledore began to make it as Snape sat down, and he mindlessly, but intentionally, began prattling on about whatever nonsense and school gossip he could think of.

After nearly an hour of informal, though somewhat one sided, conversation, Dumbledore made his excuses and rose to leave.

"Well Severus, thank you for your hospitality, we shall have to do this again!"

"I'm sure we shall," grimaced Snape "allow me to see you out."

"No need my boy, no need." said Dumbledore, starting toward the doors,

"I insist." That cold determination again.

'I imagine you do' thought the Headmaster, "Of course. Thank you. You are aware that the rest of the faculty are going to want to stop by…."

"To gawp, undoubtedly."

"Now Severus, they are all concerned about you."

"Oh please, spare me. I have not suddenly become an idiot Albus."

"No, I know that. Then suffice to say you shall be getting some visitors soon. Your friends appreciate you more than you know."

"Hrmph."

A twinkle was in Dumbledore's eye, but the sternness of his voice only partially hidden by it;

"Severus Snape, you will receive your visitors in good grace, provide them with tea and buns and practice your social skills. With your days as spy over, there is no need for the constant pushing away of people which you have made your habit. You may, as a member of my staff, consider that this is _not _a request. Besides, we had to practically set wards against Minerva and Remus or you would have had two constant guardians…" he noticed the slightly intrigued look on the other mans face, and added, "Good friends, those two. Well, I must be leaving. I will inform Madam Pomfrey as to your health, though expect her in the next couple of days too, there is a lot of other things she wants to check on you."

"Certainly. I doubted that I could be free of the women so easily."

"Take care Severus, remember, any assistance I can offer, it is no trouble. Oh! One more thing, I'm leaving you the house elf!"

"Not necessary, I assure you."

"I know, but humour me."

"As you insist."

"Good day, Severus."

"Headmaster."


	2. Chapter 2

Ok here's chapter two! I'm kind of putting this here blind, as even with over a hundred people reading this only one has been lovely enough to review it, I don't know if any one likes it or not!! Subtle hint... Pleading smile... flutters eye lashes...

Anyhoo, chapter two. Same disclaimer as before, still not mine.

My apologies for having to use dotty lines instead of paragraph spaces and to indicate change of setting etc, but I can never convince ffnet to upload things how I originally type them, all my spacing always comes undone. Sob. Any hints anyone?

So, enjoy. Or not. Maybe it's really really bad and you're all just letting me post more to see how terrible it gets...panic! I don't know. :(

And they say Snape is paranoid.

Back to the dungeons...

CHAPTER TWO

........As the head left, Snape turned around and made his way to his desk. Unsure as to what to do with himself he decided that he would test just what he could do and what would need thinking about. He wasn't one for festering, he had always just got on with it, learning at a young age that wallowing in self pity or thought never resulted in anything other than a thick ear. If you were faced with a problem then you had better get on with it and sort it out, waiting for help which would never come was a pointless waste of time. And, besides, as he'd known what had been done to him he had spent only a small number of hours mourning for his loss before spending the rest coming up with strategies and contemplating the future. Or lack of it as he had rashly decided at one point before mentally slapping himself. So he had decided to face his latest 'problem' like any other he had experienced and he sat in his chair and re-acquainted himself with his desk. Everything had been its place for years and the lack of personnel items was a bonus he decided with an ironic smirk. The result of an obsessively tidy owner, the desk was exactly as he could see it in his mind. He suddenly remembered the elf and decided to put it to work, sending it out to find a note taking quill, he knew there were some around as he often took them from students, seeing them as a form of cheating. Sitting back, he let his mind go over the exact layout of his room, then the classroom and his office. He had been here for so long now that they were firmly engraved on his mind, and he was completely confident that he could negotiate them easily. Deciding against just sitting waiting for the return of the irritatingly boundless energy that was a house elf he thought to test himself further. He crossed to his stores and happily breathed in the smell that was all its own and immensely comforting. Reaching up he selected a shelf. He had devised his own storage system years ago and stuck to it religiously ever since, often finding vials in the dark, mind too full of mixing and blending to summon a 'lumos'. He got the first vile down, decided what it should be and sniffed. Correct. 10, 15, 20 vials later and still correct. Of course. Growing tired of this game, he took to thinking of a random ingredient and through gentle exploration, long pale fingers gliding delicately over vials and jars, finding it. Again, 15, 20, 30 times, all right. He really wasn't surprised by anything other than the rush of relief it brought. The itch to brew was annoying him after days of forced in-activity but he steeled himself, wanting to be certain he could control a flame first, manage its heat and height. How, he wasn't quite sure and that thought made him a little nervous, the first thing he had been nervous about since this happened he thought, analytically. But there would be a way and when he found it he would feel like himself again, a Potions Master. Settling for another cup of tea and waiting for that blasted Elf he settled into an easy chair by the fire Dumbledore had re-lit and began mentally listing the properties of the plants to be found in the Forbidden Forest just to keep his mind from wandering onto other subjects.

………………………

......"So, how is he?"

"Fine Minerva, fine."

"So why the worried face? Anyone would think you found him crying hysterically into his pillow!"

"That I could understand! A little emotion, be it anger, fear, depression, any of these would be normal! This just seems to have made him more cool and self-possessed. Even less receptive to kindness than before, and I thought we had come so far on that front…"

"Listen to yourself Albus. All those emotions, emotions at all, just aren't the norm for him. You know his history, his 'problems'… It's obvious this is going to make him put his walls back up. What's the first thing Severus does when he is in any way hurt or frightened, even as a child here?"

"Hide…"

"Exactly. This will be making him hurt in many ways, I assure you, but he won't lock himself away from you for long. Just wait for him."

"It is hard to not help."

"I know. But he would only see it as interference. You know how frightfully proud and independent he is."

"True. I see your point. I fully expect him to cope with this as he does everything else he has had to. I only hope he asks for help when he needs to."

"I'm sure he will. Of you at any rate."

"I'm not so sure. I don't want him to think he's alone down there. I want at least two visits from different staff each day,"

"He'll see through it Albus…"

"I know I know. And I shall attempt to draw him out of his rooms."

"He will see it as an intrusion. Weakness on his part to accept it."

"I shall be… careful. I am worried he will hide away and become a recluse…"

"Even more than before you mean, he's not exactly a socialite…"

"No, but I will run the gauntlet of his dreaded sarcasm."

"You are a brave man, Albus Dumbledore!"

"Indeed."

…………………………….

........"Remus, a word?" the Headmaster caught Lupin as he went past his office door, and waved him up the stairs. "About Severus…"

"How is he?"

"As expected. Or not, depending on if you know the boy…" Dumbledore shook himself back to the present. "I don't want him to be shut off. He should not be alone. You are finished with the Werewolves? I understand that their allegiances are set?"

"Unfortunately so."

"So you have a place to go?"

"Well, not exactly. I was wandering, with it being the holidays…"

"Excellent! I shall have guest quarters made up this afternoon!"

Lupin smiled warmly at the beaming old man, he had been at a loss as to where to go, Grimmauld Place holding too many memories, and he loved being able to call the school home regardless of how short lived it may be.

"You and Severus never really got on at school did you?"

"Um, well, after _that_ night, no. I wish we could have. These past years I have wished we could talk, he is an interesting man."

"That he is. Maybe you could talk now…"

"Oh, I don't know how he would feel about that. I think he's not going to forgive me for a long while for seeing him in that cellar."

"Remember, anger and rudeness are often only a front for people's fear and shame. He will forgive, but you probably shouldn't expect a thank you. Just yet. We can work on that!"

"We?"

"Minerva and I will be visiting him every day, running the gauntlet with his certain annoyance. There is a secret to dealing with Severus, be entirely honest and certain about what you are doing, don't take no as an answer, but in the most friendly way you can. He can not resist a good twinkling at, I developed this optical ability whilst dealing with him, and you lot, when you were children you know. And don't expect anything from him. Scintillating conversation is doubtful, cursing and threats a cert, but he will come round and is worth the wait. I think he would appreciate your friendship, though he may never tell you."

"Sir, I don't know, he really has a hang up about me."

"Then it's high time it stopped. Personally I think it is a front and you are a strong enough man to cope with him. This is the perfect opportunity. You have free time, the Order has no immediate work for you and he is certainly not spying again. Go talk to him. _With_ him if you are lucky. Remember Remus, twinkle!"

"Um, he can't see 'twinkle' anymore…"

"Ah, a practiced twinkle can be heard and felt too."

Lupin sighed, and stood to leave;

"Why do I feel more nervous about this then trying to negotiate with semi-feral Werewolves…?"

"You'll do fine. Let me know how you get on, I shall have quarters waiting by this evenings meal. Thank you Remus."

..................

............It was mid afternoon of the next day when Professor R J Lupin knocked, slightly nervously, on the heavy wooden door of Snape's personal rooms in the dungeons. He had looked in the classroom which had been empty and which he had found to be eerily creepy. He was glad he didn't have rooms down here. Unsure as to how Snape was going to react to his visit, as although he had always liked the other as both a man and child and thought of him as almost a friend, he was well aware of their history and was not convinced the feeling was reciprocated. Raising his hand to knock again, the door opened a foot and a slightly annoyed looking Potions Master appeared. His eyes narrowed as he said;

"Yes?"

"Severus…" said Lupin, unsure as to how to continue, trying his hardest to twinkle audibly

"Lupin." the man snarled, before remembering the head's 'advice' and he forced himself to relax visibly and opened the door a little wider. "To what do I owe this…pleasure?"

"Oh, nothing really. I was just passing…"

"People do not 'just pass' the dungeons Lupin."

"No, I mean, I was just wandering how you were" 'God this is hard work' he thought. "Thought I'd drop by…" his voice trailed off, courage failing, and as he let his eyes drop to the floor they passed over the hand holding the door open "Severus! Your hand! What have you done?!" he reached out and grabbed the hand to look closer at the red welts he had just noticed were covering the back of it, making Snape yank it out of his grasp and take a couple of panicked steps backwards. Lupin looked up and caught the look of fear on Snape's face as he did so. 'No, not fear' he thought, 'terror. I'm supposed to be being nice and I'm scaring him!' he mentally kicked himself. By the time he thought this the look had passed and the emotionless mask was back in place, though he still held his hand behind him, hidden. Lupin entered the room and pushed the door to behind himself. "Sorry Severus, my fault. Didn't mean to startle you."

"You didn't. I just wasn't expecting you to hold my hand so literally that's all." was the sneered reply.

"Hrmph. Let me see it. What happened?"

Snape, realising he was trapped, reluctantly held his hand out. Before Lupin could look, the cauldron, unseen by both men in the corner, started to boil, producing a thin whistling sound. Snape snatched his hand away, and hurried towards it. He cautiously went to its side and selected a wooden spoon from the rack on the wall near by. He stirred it very precisely, first one way then the other. Remembering Lupin he offered an explanation;

"I had a little trouble finding a way to achieve a constant height and temperature of a flame, and got a little too close to one. Some methods proved a little…un stable" as if this were completely normal. "I caught my hand on one. Foolish really."

"I'm stunned Severus." 'A lot more than stunned' he thought, 'Amazed. In awe. A little scared.' Out loud he added; "What are you brewing?"

"I hadn't intended to brew anything. Not yet. It was an experiment really to pass the time. But needs be and all… A skin replenishing potion. I stopped the burning, but I can feel blisters forming and I'm sure Madam Pomfrey would love that."

"Make her day." Lupin chuckled gently "You are quite the naughty child in her eyes, leaving so suddenly."

"Exactly." They sat in only a slightly awkward silence as Lupin watched the almost hypnotic stirring of the spoon. "Is it nearly done?" he asked to break his revere.

"Five more minutes. The smoke smells the correct shade of green…" Nearly a question, but more of a statement.

"Yes" said Lupin with a smile.

"As expected."

"Well, I'll get some tea made. I may as well hang around…"

"Tea?" asked Snape, sharply. "Have you something further to discuss? I assumed the Headmaster would send people down to check up on me, but, tea?"

"Yes, tea. And anyway, regardless of Albus's request, I volunteered. Like it or not you're my friend Severus" A muttered 'since when' answered that and was duly ignored, "and I was worried about you. It's what friend's do." he added cheerily.

"Really." said a very dry Snape. "How lovely. Next you'll expect buns."

"Sorry?"

"Nothing."

"And they apply skin potion to their other friends hand…"

"Oh most un- necessary."

"_and_ don't take no for an answer!" Allowing himself to be beaten just this once Snape sighed and mentally prepared himself as he summoned the Elf. As he listened to the manic clanking that was Dobby, he realised rather unexpectedly that he was secretly very glad of the company and diversion that Lupin was. Despite choosing to spend a lot of his time alone, he had never enjoyed being lonely, something which the past couple of days had been with no staff meals or students, and with it came the creeping feeling of vulnerability which being alone brought now, a feeling he was not used to. Thankfully a feeling quickly squashed by keeping busy. Feeling Lupins eyes on him, he fetched glass vials from his stores to bottle the potion. Lithe fingers carefully setting a funnel in the first one, then finding a ladle and slowly filling it up. Lupins eyes never left him, and he knew a 'report' would be given to Dumbledore. Lupin, on his part, could not help but watch. Seeing the Potions Masters face change from snide sneer to utter concentration was in itself fascinating. He noted that although Snape was doing everything slowly and very precisely, the vials being filled to well below their limits, everything was being done to perfection. Not a drop spilt. The Werewolf couldn't help but let out a small chuckle. Instantly the scowl returned and angry, accusing black eyes flashed at Lupin.

"What Lupin?" Snape was sure he had made no blunder, he had everything planned exactly, but the small spark of fear he had of mistakes crept up on him, forcing a pink flush to creep up from his high collar. "Something…amusing?"

"No no Severus! I am, and please don't take this the wrong way, stunned!"

Confusion clouded Snape's face. "Stunned?"

"Yes. Albus said you were coping very well…" Snape began to look uncomfortable at the direction of the conversation so Lupin pressed on quickly, "and to be honest, we all thought you would. But you have me amazed. Most men would still be in the hospital wing, learning how to put their socks on the right feet. But you, you're here, brewing potions as if nothing has happened. I am in complete awe of you, Severus Snape, completely."

Snape was unsure how to respond to this, however the words were not lost on him and secretly pleased him. He responded in a voice that Lupin thought sounded almost sad.

"Nothing has changed, Lupin. I assure you, I am only being practical. Potions are what I do and what I know. After sorting out a few… practicalities, there should be no reason why anything should change. What is done is done and cannot be changed, nothing is to be gained from dwelling on it." he added almost as an after thought, and very quietly, "And I do not need sight to brew." In his mind he added; 'and what would you think of me if I told you I had to brew, to keep brewing, because if I stopped and thought about it I'd probably loose it. What if I told you I dreaded sleeping, the constant nightmares, waking up to nothing, or how I dread leaving the dungeons, just thinking of the great hall with its hundreds of children makes me feel ill… how awed then? No, just report that I am doing fine…'

"Well, still Severus. In awe. Now, that hand. And no arguing!" As Snape slid onto a chair near Lupin, the other man began to apply the warm balm. Gently. And talking his way through it so as not to re-startle him. Acknowledging that while he may be in awe, his 'friend' was making a great effort to 'look after him' (slight scowl at that thought, noted by Lupin and in turn noted by Snape,) he was, though it surprised himself, thankful. Knowing Lupin will have thought the scowl aimed at him, he attempted to reassure the man, something which did not come easy. In a quiet voice he dead panned;

"Socks have a correct footing?" Lupin looked up, shocked, and began to chuckle which, by the time the hand was finished, became a full blown giggling fit. Sighing with feigned annoyance, Snape began to feel his way round the table and poured the tea.

……………………..

........Over the course of the next week, Snape's solitary acclimatisation was interrupted by many and varied visitors. All the teaching staff stopped by in varying degrees of awkwardness, some, like Hagrid came with forced cheerfulness and overly pungent flowers, others, namely Trelawney, sobbed and generally left the room in a state of deep depression which he tried to shrug off as being un-helpful. Rather quickly the flow dwindled until it was only Lupin, Dumbledore and McGonagall, all three sharing their pleasant surprise at his ability to adapt and cope, and all three secretly sure it was a cover. However, only Dumbledore was brave enough to approach him about it, McGonagall claiming not to know the man enough and Lupin was enjoying the new acceptance of his friendship and the sharing of pots of tea too much to jeopardise it with interrogations, however well intended.

And so, after ten days of meetings between himself, Lupin and McGonagall, ten days in which Snape had shunned nearly all attempts at having visitors and Lupin had been turned away with a hasty;

"I'm brewing be gone!", it was Dumbledore who steeled himself for the possible angry response to his probing who had ever so quietly neutralised the alert wards, who had slipped into the potions classroom and sat on a bench at the back, and who was feeling very pleased with himself to have caught the younger wizard with his guard down, something very unusual indeed. He watched the scene before him, realising after a minute of confusion, what was happening. The Potions Master had, Dumbledore knew, greeted his first years with the same welcoming entrance every year he had worked here, they all talked about it for the first week of September, and now he was practising the well known routine. Snape, adamant to maintain his feared reputation, was slamming the door behind himself, storming to his lectern and, with a billow of cloaks, swirling around to face the would be gently cowering children. After the fifth run through, he added his little speech, at the "even to stopper death", Dumbledore felt a shiver go all the way up his back and was glad he wasn't eleven. When finished he visibly relaxed, slid into the seat behind his desk and, sighing, resting his head in his hands. Dumbledore spoke, although very quietly so as to not startle the man, but he still leapt up hand reaching instinctively for his wand and upturning his chair. Dumbledore kept his voice low and lightly said;

"You certainly had me scared. If I were a first year I wouldn't know whether to run, cry, or applaud!"

"Headmaster…" came the relieved reply.

"Severus." The older man made his way to where Snape was still standing, "Please," he levitated the chair upright, "sit down. I just wanted a chat." Both men sat and the head studied Snape's face. "How are you Severus?"

"Fine." A little too quick. Dumbledore decided to push, even if only to get his head bitten off.

"Really? Everything is…good?" Something in that voice had always gone straight to Snape's soul, instantly bypassing his vicious defence mechanisms and stolid masks. Ever since he was a scared twelve year old, having his mind searched in an attempt to explain away the various scars and injuries collected over school holidays. Dumbledore had got his explanations, and having convinced Severus of the fact that he would keep him safe, gone on to became a surrogate family, best friend and mentor to the boy. Something which nearly thirty years had only deepened. "Only I am worried about you," It was that voice which had gently reassured when shamefully uncovering his left arm for the first time, "I'm not so sure you are fine," The same voice which often probed for reasons behind his constant fear and anger as both a child, and then later on as a Death Eater returning from meetings, got the reasons, quite a feat with such a skilled Occulmans, and still told him he was loved. The same voice, which only days ago had gently reached through the screaming in his mind caused by a long enough exposure to the Cruciatus to sever his optic nerves beyond repair. He could hide nothing from that voice when Dumbledore wanted it and used that _damned _voice. Damn.

"I am just…." Snape shuddered as he replied,

"Yes?" so gentle

"A little worried…"

"Go on."

"Whilst I feel entirely confident in my abilities as a potions brewer, and am happy at the prospect of teaching again" (slight lie Dumbledore noticed) "I have to admit a certain amount of…trepidation… at the thought of leaving my rooms. The corridors themselves are not so intimidating; after all, you can only end up at certain number of places." He paused, and when he continued, it was in a rush, glad to be telling someone but needing to do it quickly before his courage (or weakness, he wandered later,) failed him.

"But the Great Hall, all those tables, chairs, children. All moving. And the stairways, constantly shifting… I find myself…" he stumbled for a word, at which point the Headmaster took one of the long, cold hands in his, completely dissolving what small amount of self restraint Snape had kept hold of. He reluctantly admitted; "Albus, I am terrified." The head gently squeezed the hand and resisted the urge to hug him, deciding that to get this much feeling from him was a small miracle, and to push it might earn him any of many interesting hexes.

"Severus…thank you for telling me. Now we can do something about it."

"We?"

"Yes, we. Have I not told you before many times that you are not alone here! One day you may actually believe me. Now," he stood, still holding the hand, "if you have quite finished stomping dramatically around like a giant bat," the familiar nickname brought a small smile to Snape's lips, "I think a spot of tea will do us good." He released the hand and watched the now relaxed face of his friend become once again serious concentration as he recalled the floor plan of his classroom.

"After you, Severus." With a nod of his head Snape strode smoothly between the rows of desks, out of the door and towards his quarters.

Later that evening, following an edited briefing by the head, Lupin arrived at the dark wood door of a slightly 'agitated by the thoughts of the great hall' Potions Master at what had become the normal time for a pot of tea and, for reasons Lupin had never fathomed, sticky buns which the other never ate, merely claiming them to be 'necessary'. This was to be the first full moon since the sociable evenings had expanded to include most nights of the week and he felt somewhat sad about the forced exile he placed himself under for the curse to run its course. He and Severus had had what his parents would have called a 'heated debate' about the fact the Severus dare not brew the Wolfsbane just yet, as only a small slip could have left the werewolf poisoned. Lupin had insisted it did not matter, that obviously he had not expected it, but Snape had kept on and on until Lupin had left, not wanting to row this close to the moon. Now, the second transformation since they had become friends was bearing down on him, and although Snape had spent quite some time on the potion, he had not brewed a batch he considered safe enough for the other to consume. Lupin knocked on the door and was greeted almost immediately by an;

"Enter."

The other man was sat in a high backed chair, coat off and shirt devoid of cravat. Lupin caught the unmistakable scent of Aconite mingled with the Whisky the other had in a glass and couldn't help but wrinkle his nose. Snape waved a hand in the direction of his work area and said;

"Still not acceptable. My apologies." though his sarcastic voice held no hint of any apology.

"That's fine, I expected nothing."

They lapsed into silence, oddly uncomfortable and Lupin took a deep breath;

"I won't be around for the next few nights, what with full moon and all…"

"I had assumed as much."

The silence stretched again, a clock Lupin had not noticed before ticking on the mantelpiece. Lupin counted thirty ticks before ploughing on;

"So, I think Albus will be popping in, maybe Minerva…"

"With their chief spy incapacitated, I think that's a certainty."

Lupin frowned, the coldness in the voice concerning him. He cast an eye around for the bottle, wandering if alcohol was to blame, but he could not see it.

"I am not exactly a spy, Severus."

"Purely by job title…"

"Severus, what? You've lost me…"

"Should I re-name you 'baby sitter' maybe…?"

"Oh now I'm very confused. I don't want to argue with you over whatever theory you have over the genuine friendship I thought we had so I won't stop long. I only popped in to say I wouldn't be around the next few days. I didn't want you to think I had disappeared on you."

"Why on Earth would it worry me Lupin?"

"Well, I just thought…"

"What?"

"Oh nothing. Will you be alright?"

"Excuse me?!? Will I be alright! I am sure I can survive without your help Lupin." The voice was scathingly harsh. "I do not _need_ your help, so relax. Go and chew your dog toys with a free conscience."

Lupin was stunned, he hadn't heard this Snape for several weeks, and then it had only usually been at the long suffering house elves. He backed toward the door deciding to leave and figure it all out after full moon.

"Very well, have a good few days; I will drop in when I return."

"As you wish."

"Take care."

He was met with stony silence and after a quick study of the others face he turned and closed the door a little too loudly behind himself.

…………………………………..

........"Headmaster, could I ask you something?" Lupin had his head stuck around the doorframe of the head's study, the older man sat at his desk behind a mountain of paperwork peering at Lupin over the top of his spectacles.

"Of course dear boy! Come in come in! What can I help you with?"

Lupin took a step in to the room but stayed stood;

"I won't stop, on my way to the Shack…"

"Yes, Severus said he was still not one hundred percent on the Wolfsbane. Pity."

"Actually, I've just come from there, I was wandering, has he said anything to you? About something I may have done… Or said…?"

"No, why?"

"We just had an argument. Well, sort of, I popped in to say cheerio, and he nearly bit my head off! It was like going back in time."

"Ah." Dumbledore pulled on his beard and let out a small chuckle. "It would seem you have come across another of the boy's many defence mechanisms."

"Um, sorry?"

"Yes, he has quite the arsenal!"

Lupin looked confused and Dumbledore leant across the desk, smiling at the puzzled werewolf.

"You must realise that he is used to being alone, and has quite convinced himself over the years that it is the safest way to be. Ergo, when someone gets too close to him, friends, teachers, co-workers, he knows many ways of getting them annoyed enough to leave him alone! You ignored the first one, the grumpy, sarcastic 'Ihateyouandallaroundyou' attitude. Now you are witnessing the second. Severus is _so_ pleased to have your friendship…"

"Really?"

"Oh yes. He is aghast at the thought that you transform with no potion and, in his eyes at least, it is his fault you do not have it. Therefore, if you do not like him, he does not have to like you nor think of you as a friend, therefore he can ignore any feelings of guilt or worry that he may have let you down, and you can suffer in the shack quite happily for him. It is a compliment really."

"Oh."

"I know. Silly boy, he never learnt that friends don't blame and quite readily forgive rather a lot."

"A compliment?"

Dumbledore fixed the amber eyes with blue ones;

"You mean enough to him to warrant his guilt. This is rare."

Lupin nodded and gave the head a weak smile;

"So what do you suggest I do now?"

"I should carry on as normal. I wouldn't pin my hopes on an apology; I think that would be too hard for him as much as it saddens me to say it. I plan on accompanying him into the main hall next week, I shall wait 'till Thursday, you will fit enough for supper then I presume?"

"Yes."

"Good. He will need his friends around I'm sure."

Lupins smile gained a little more conviction and he turned to go, wishing the head a good night and peaceful few days. The head returned the sentiment and watched the retreating back with a smile on his face.


	3. Chapter 3

Here be the third insatllment.

Same disclaimer.

Same apology for bunched up text, untill I find a young technical person to point at my keyboard I am stuck!

Though thanks to visitkarte for the -0o0o0-, most helpful!

Same gentle poke for reviews...

Have fun!

Oh yes, italics are past events. Should have said that earlier but I guess you're all clever enough to have worked it out!

Brownie points to anyone who knows what Piliwinks are...

-0o0o0-

CHAPTER THREE

.

........And so, with only a couple of days before the students would return, Snape found himself being almost herded toward the Great Hall. He had very nearly locked himself in his rooms and claimed to be working on a very time sensitive potion when the head had called, and he was almost horrified with himself when he realised that he really did want to go, not least of all because Lupin would, he assumed, be present and he had not seen him since before the full moon. A less than successful meeting he was feeling rather guilty about and he was surprised he was eager to try to resume their friendship providing he hadn't wreaked it in his normal bull headed fashion. He did have some hope, in the form of a scrawled modified howler which arrived by a school owl that morning stating;

'Transformation not too bad,

your pain potion is a miracle,

see you Thurs at supper,

Remus.'

So, as they approached the doors, the sound of bickering voices greeted them, ('Lupins included' thought Snape with an almost inward smile and strange nervousness) Dumbledore felt the younger man stiffen next to him. He rested a hand on his arm and gently nudged him toward the solid wooden boundary of the Hall. The Headmaster had underestimated the level of fear Snape felt regarding the Great Hall, as, following a tentative start, he moved around the school very confidently, even the moving stairs…

/

"_I can charm the stairs, you realise." _

_Snape gave his companion what he hoped came across as an unbelieving look._

"_Really?"_

"_Oh yes, I only have them set to their random shuffling as I think it teaches some of our more…gusto…students patience if they have to wait for the correct destination. They are actually very sophisticated, intelligent pieces of architecture. They can sense the person on board, and if they sense any annoyance at the speed of manoeuvre, well, I'm sure I have seen them double back and add a port or two just to annoy." Dumbledore was smiling, enjoying surprising the younger man, who had in the past never allowed himself to show his surprise at anything._

"_That is quite, interesting. When you say they can tell who is on them, how acute is this?"_

"_Well, they know me, I rarely have trouble getting to where I want to go, and speaking of which where shall we go? The Gryffindor common room, always plenty of tea bags in there…"_

"_How about not. I am tired…"_

"_I understand. We must have a ride though, after talking about them it's the least we could do."_

"_Albus, maybe a silly question, but, is the castle really alive?"_

"_There you have me. I don't know. I always feel safer assuming yes though. Ah, here is a flight now!" he stepped onto the bottom landing of one of the imposing stone cases and noted the hesitation from the man behind him. He touched the hand rail with his wand;_

"_I have paused it, another perk to being head. Come, I shan't let it move until we are ready."_

_Snape stepped hesitantly beside him, adjusted his footing, and, taking a firm grip on the rail, nodded at the head. The steps moved off very gently, gliding slowly upward and to the right. The movement was still enough to have Snape hanging on with white knuckles and having to force the terrified look from his face. As they progressed, Dumbledore chuckled;_

"_Well well, it seems they are looking after us."_

"_Wh…what?" said Snape, mind coming back to the present from his thoughts of tumbling painfully to his death._

"_I have never known them to move this sedately. You seem to be having an effect on them."_

"_Great. Now even the stairs pity me."_

"_There could be worse things. I think they will sense you and be like this. I can always look into having you some how be able to control them, if they can register my wand I am sure they could yours as well."_

"_I don't think that will be necessary, I have a feeling I shall avoid them. I see no reason to go floating about all over the place, all my business in the castle is below where the stairs behave like normal ones and stay still."_

"_As you wish." The steps had done a circle back to their original location, and as they slid gently to a halt, Snape nearly leapt off and Dumbledore followed. _

"_If it is tea you want, the dungeons are suitably well stocked."_

"_Marvellous. Enough exploring for one day."_

/

........It was only now that his pale face had turned practically ashen and a barely perceptible tremor ran through his hands that he realised. Only the other night, as they had wandered the corridors reacquainting Snape with the castles plans and they passed close to the Hall had he admitted to always feeling his most vulnerable in this room, as a child from public humiliation from various other students, and later, as a teacher, sitting with the entire school community looking up at him.

As he faltered once more on entering, Dumbledore changed tactics, and firmly placing his Potions Masters' hand on his shoulder, whispered; "Trust me." to him. Snape had refused all attempts at being led up until this point, casting various guidance charms and trusting his near perfect memory, only using the Headmaster as an occasional safety net and then very subtlely. Fully expecting resistance, Dumbledore reached up and put his hand over the younger mans half to stop him pulling away and half to calm the trembling. When he met no fight, he felt almost proud, and soothed;

"It is only Minevra and Remus. They were both adamant about being here for your first tea back in our midst, and it is a braver man than I who argues with Minevra, I happen to have seen her Pilliwinks," he added in a confessional tone, "and, I think you'll agree, Remus is not easy to say no to either."

"I agree on both counts actually, and Albus,"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you."

"No, thank you! I simply could not face another evening alone with those two bickering over things which are far beyond me."

"Really? I thought nothing was beyond the great Albus Dumbldore." The head ignored the sarcastic tone, taking it in the way he hoped it was meant, replying with only a grin, and then, remembering, a squeeze of the hand. He said quietly;

"Come along. Supper will be cold." and pushed open the doors, checking on his charge once more he as slowly walked forward, explaining their position until Snape took over the commentary, describing each house table as they passed them, and slowing instinctively as they reached the top table. As Snape removed his hand from Dumbledore's shoulder, he noticed that the arguing had stopped and the room was silent. He sighed, and spoke in his best irritated manner;

"For the love of Salazar, say something! I am assuming from past experience, that you are still here, in Lupins case with an inane grin on his face, and would gently remind you that whilst I would normally be grateful for an entirely silent meal in this place, I now find that a …SMALL…amount of aimless, pointless chatter makes pinpointing your whereabouts considerably easier. So, if you please…"

"Severus, good to have you back!" trilled McGonagall, stunning the three men and her self by engulfing the man in a hug, before remembering whom she was hugging and sharply drawing away.

"I have changed your seats position," said Dumbledore, an amused smile making McGonagall blush at her behaviour, "from now on you will be on my right," anticipating an argument he added "not least so that you can provide me with some sane conversation," Snape nodded in agreement, glad to be next to his mentor and not stuck out on an end alone as he normally found himself, "and Lupin will take _your _right, thereby splitting up the quarrelsome twosome and their never ending trifles…"

"It is a serious debate Albus" cried McGonagall,

"Too right," added Lupin, making Dumbledore chuckle, taking Snape's arm and accompanying him to his new seat with only a fraction of resistance on Snape's part, he explained, "They have been _debating_," a look at the two teachers, "for three weeks now, which is more of an animal, a Werewolf or Animagus."

"I'm sure Severus will agree with me, yes?" said Lupin smugly.

"Not if he knows who is organising the teaching rota for this year he won't." quipped McGonagall.

Snape interrupted; "Actually. There is a way I can settle this."

"Oh?" all three asked, intrigued.

"Yes. Next full moon simply present yourselves in animal form to my lab. I shall perform a simple dissection…" he was interrupted by a swat to the shoulder from one and a sharp 'Tskking' from the other. As the house elves served tea, Snape reflected that maybe this was going to be workable, and, even more unbelievable, maybe he really did have friends. Not that he would ever let them know, of course.

........The meal continued for some time longer than anticipated, the sky drawing dark and the stars beginning to shine on the ceiling. Stifling a yawn, Dumbledore rose from his seat, placing a hand on Snape's shoulder. The conversation, which had been drifting gently for the past hour around trifling matters and general chit chat, drew to a gentle close and Dumbledore, not wanting to break the relaxed atmosphere, said quietly,

"I will take my leave now, busy day tomorrow. Thank you for your company Severus, I hope to see you at breakfast?"

"I think that would be… pleasant. Goodnight Albus." Dumbledore squeezed Snape's shoulder, just as McGonagall also stood.

"I shall be off too. You boys don't stay up too late, and don't drink too much Firewhisky."

Lupin looked confused, Snape slightly annoyed. "What Firewhisky?" enquired the Werewolf.

"The Firewhisky Severus is going to ask you in for a glass of when you see him home…"

""See him home" " Snape mimicked indignantly, glowering at McGonagall's less than subtle hint to Lupin. "What have I become…"

"Good night Severus." placated the witch. "I'll see you tomorrow I think."

The two remaining wizards wished their friends goodnight and were soon left alone, one watching the Elves clear away and the other again thinking how they managed to sound so chaotic.

"Well…" started Lupin, "I suppose it is getting late, and there is a lot to be done before term starts. What say we head off?"

"Fine." said Snape, slightly sharply. "You don't have to 'see me home' you know. Once out of the hall I assure you I am more than capable..."

"Severus" interrupted Lupin, "I know."

"Fine. So long as you remember it."

"How could I forget!" The men rose in unison, the bickering staying light hearted and Lupin reading no more into it than Snape meant him too. There was a slightly embarrassing moment when Snape, unsure and unused to having a friend 'to hand', as it were, hesitated about placing his hand on any part of the other for a little guidance in negotiating the warren of table and chairs. Finally, Lupin, exasperated with seeing the man stew over how to ask startled him by grabbing a wrist and saying;

"Good grief! When will you learn to say what you're thinking?!"

"The school should hope, never. But I see your point."

"How does this work then?"

"A shoulder will suffice, it is not necessary to hold my hand, despite what Minerva may think. And Lupin,"

"Yes?"

"Try to avoid the chairs."

Lupin huffed and set off toward the door, giving not only he chairs a wide berth but also keeping up the commentary on their location, making Snape _almost_ smile as he remembered the day he applied the balm to his hand and making him wonder whether the Werewolf knew he was a comforting sort of person to have around or that his voice could be quite pleasant at times.

-0o0o0-

........The two men arrived at the hidden door of the Potions Master, Snape in front as he had been since the Great Hall, having made Lupin laugh to himself (he didn't think Snape was ready to laugh at himself just yet, but they'd get there,) as the minute the hall doors closed behind them he had changed from a hesitant almost shuffle behind Lupin to

his trademark ground covering stride that silently caught many students by surprise, and practically stormed past Lupin. He had stopped short when he realised he was being followed and snapped;

"Can I help you?"

"Just, 'seeing you home'" Lupin had said mischievously. Snape silently digested his, weighing up the benefits of a sarcastic reply versus the friendly one and settled on the latter. 'A habit' he noted to himself 'that I appear to be falling into lately.'

He managed to add a little sharpness to his;

"Fine", and stormed off again leading the way through the maze of corridors in the dungeons to his door.

As Snape stepped into his quarters, Lupin sighed and said;

"Well, I'll be going too. See you tomorrow morning?"

"It would appear I have no choice"

"True. I'll meet you outside the hall then. Say, ten to eight?"

"That would be… appreciated."

'Ouch, that hurt to say' thought Lupin. "Good night then." As he turned to leave Snape sighed and said;

"I do have a bottle."

"Excuse me?"

"Firewhisky. If you would care for a glass. Of course, if you're too tired…"

"No! That would be a lovely end to the evening. Though best not tell Minerva."

"Quite. Maybe a glass or two will dispel the unpleasantness of the other evening?"

Lupin nearly keeled over in shock, lost for words, he spluttered; "Consider it dispelled."

Snape nodded tersely and gestured him in, with which the door closed quietly on them and promptly disappeared from view.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter four folks! Its a long one, get comfy. Angst aplenty...

Same disclaimers.

Same grovel.

No body knows what piliwinks are. Sad, I bet Minerva polishes hers nightly.

Enjoy! Let me know what you think.

CHAPTER FOUR

-0o0o0-

........The next morning dawned crisp and sharp, an early taster of the coming autumn. The sun, not yet sharing the warmth promised in its misty haze, bathed the school and grounds in a clear golden glow. As Lupin stared out of the window outside of the Great Hall, he smiled to himself as he remembered the night before. The Firewhisky had become several glasses, and it had only been the Werewolf's altered metabolism which had stopped him from falling asleep on the settee as Snape had, eventually, done. When it became apparent that he was asleep for the night, Lupin had summoned a woolen blanket from the bedroom and covered the sleeping man with it. Amused by the fact that, asleep, he looked just like any other sleeping person and not the frightening man he portrayed himself as, he thought just how mad he would, in fact, be to see himself being fussed over by Lupin. The smile didn't fade, either, as Snape rounded the corner.

"Severus! Good morning!"

"Must you be so, cheery?"

"It's a beautiful day, and I smell bacon frying, so I assume a good fry up is on the cards. What is there not to be cheery about?!"

"Urgh. Fry up. I can think of nothing worse."

"Best thing for a hang over."

"I am not hung over!"

"Really? My mistake." he smiled to himself. "Shall we go in?"

"Believe me when I say I am only here to appease the old man, I would rather be curled up in my bed."

"Oh, made it to your bed then did you?" said Lupin, innocently.

"I don't know what you mean, I'm sure."

"Oh nothing, Morning Minerva! Albus!"

"Ah, boys! Glad to see you both. Come, come," the Headmaster hurried to them and clapped a hand on each mans shoulder. "I have it on good authority that the elves have done a full English this morning. Divine!"

McGonagall noticed the gentle green tinge washing over Snape's face.

"I take it the Firewhisky was enjoyable, Gentlemen?" she said, humorously.

"Most enjoyable, thank you Minerva." said Lupin, sunnily.

"How does she know?" whispered Snape into Lupins ear.

"It has come to my attention that Minerva knows everything. And I wouldn't like to know how."

........Both men were seated at the table, Snape, nursing a single black coffee, trying to ignore the smells coming from the others plates, groaning occasionally at some pointless joke or story. Mid way through, he stood up and facing the others, stated;

"You are maddening. I shall return for tea, when hopefully you have all got the stories and jokes told. I have a million things to prepare before the children are back, so, if you don't mind, I am going. Enjoy your meal."

The others looked blankly at him, before Lupin, the first to regain normal thought, said;

"Oh, ok. Sorry. Just chatter, you know."

"I am not annoyed Lupin, so do not take that hurt tone. Merely very busy as I did miss several weeks you may remember."

"Well, yes. Here, allow me to see you to the door."

"Very courteous, I'm sure." said Snape, before placing a hand on the shoulder and leaving the room. As Lupin was left alone at the heavy wooden doors which protected the great hall, he sighed. Turning, he made his way up to the top table again and re-took his seat. He frowned at the others.

........"Try not to be offended, Remus." said Dumbledore.

"He does like you; I have never known him share his Whisky before." said McGonagall.

"What? Oh, no, I'm ok. I thought, last night, it seemed we were friends. It's all I've ever wanted, really. Even at school. I used to wish James and Sirius would leave him alone, just so I could have a conversation with him. I think he would, I think he would have understood. About being different. If I had been able to tell him. Then it all went quite horribly wrong."

"Yes, it did. Don't take anything grumpy Severus says or does to heart. He does not often mean things to be as harsh as he says them. If you truly want to be a friend to him, you are going the right way about it. He appreciates all you do for him, if he didn't I can assure you he would tell you straight away."

"You think so, Albus?"

"I know so my child. Now, we have had this conversation and I have no wish to repeat it every time you get 'grumped' at. Finish your breakfast before it goes completely cold. A fried egg doesn't do well with a heating charm, believe me. Makes the yolk go all, claggy when we all know it should be snotty." he smiled at his two companions, who tucked back into their food, but, Lupin noticed, cast a worried look in the direction of the doors.

Lupin, unable to shake the slight worry which Snape's sudden departure from the breakfast table had brought on despite Dumbledore's best efforts, had invited himself round to Snape's for a drink that evening, and was trying hard to relax the somewhat tense atmosphere.

-0o0o0-

"So, ready for tomorrow?"

"Of course." snapped Snape, "Any reason why I shouldn't be?"

"Not really. Just making conversation."

"Then kindly return to your book and let me finish my coffee in peace."

Lupin frowned at Snape, looked at the book in his hands again and sighed. His evenings of the past week had been disrupted from their normal peaceful conversations by an increasingly grumpy Snape. He sighed again.

"What now?" demanded Snape, suddenly, slamming his coffee down onto the table.

"Sorry?" Lupin, slightly confused, lowered his book.

"The overly dramatic sighing. Is there some great miss-fortune on your behalf I should notice, or are you just trying to annoy me?" Snape's un-seeing eyes glared angry black fire at Lupin, who in turn rose from his seat, and marked his page.

"I think I should leave. You obviously want to be alone. Are we meeting for breakfast?"

"Hrmph."

"Fine." Lupin's voice took on a quietly dangerous tone; "If you decide to grace us with your presence, I shall be outside at the normal time. If not, have a good day." Lupin, trying hard to control his temper, left the room and a slightly stunned Snape who raised an eyebrow at the slammed door and sipped at his coffee.

He had never known quite how far he could push Lupin before his seemingly endless patience ran out, as the other always amazed him with the quiet calm in which he took life. Just recently though, it had seemed to be less and less before the he was left alone in his rooms or the flow of chatter dried up and an uncomfortable silence grew.

'Or', he pondered, 'maybe I am just pushing harder.' Knowing he did it didn't make it any easier to stop; a lifetime's habit of pushing people away wasn't easy to break, no matter how much he knew he should or how much the head told him too. He really was grateful, if a little suspicious, for the friendship Lupin had offered him this past month, and the realisation that he was trying his hardest to wreck it seemed stupid.

With a sigh of his own, he rummaged in his cupboard for a bottle of Ogden's, the good stuff, and mustering an apology, headed toward Lupins quarters.

-0o0o0-

"I have come to apologise."

"Fine."

"May I come in?"

"Well, I'm kind of busy."

"Oh." Snape floundered, feeling slightly gormless stood in the corridor clutching alcohol in one hand, the other in a tense fist at his side. He made himself unclench the fingers. He hadn't counted on this;

"Well, I shall see you tomorrow morning. For breakfast."

"I suppose. If I go." Lupin felt horrid, knowingly trying to make his friend feel bad, but he had about had enough of the mood swings and temper tantrums which had become the norm lately. Glad Snape couldn't see his eyes he forced himself to continue;

"Anything else?"

"I brought this…" Snape held out the Whisky, and Lupin groaning inwardly, reached out to take it.

"Thank you." he mumbled, now feeling terrible, being even slightly mean wasn't easy for him, he didn't know how Snape did it.

"I shall leave. Good night, Remus."

"Good night Severus."

As Snape turned and left, Lupin almost called him back to share the bottle, but then steeled himself. It was high time Snape had a bit of his own treatment. He closed the door and put the bottle on a table for them to share another evening. He hoped.

-0o0o0-

........The next morning, Lupin waited outside the Great Hall, idly counting the bricks in the wall opposite. It was the first of September, a very important day for an awful lot of eleven year olds, and as Dumbledore passed him, Lupin saw the same excitement in his eyes.

"Remus! Good morning! And a lovely one we have too! No Severus?" Although the Potions Master no longer needed guidance through the hall, he had, in a rare moment of openness, admitted to feeling more comfortable with Lupin next to him, and Lupin had noticed that he was still 'used' when Snape was stressing over something or other. Dumbledore had, un-necessarily, pointed out that with the students back and things going to be a little busier in the halls, that maybe they should form an un official escort. Lupin had laughed, telling him that he had the exact same intentions.

Now he frowned, a niggling worry creeping into his mind that he had been a little too abrupt with the other last night. After all, Snape was not used to friends, and Lupin knew that he rarely meant half the things he said to be taken how they sounded. In a weird way, the past month had been one of the best Lupin could remember at Hogwarts, purely because he had finally been able to get past the stolid front of the inimitable Snape and was greatly enjoying their friendship. It worried him that he may have risked upsetting the careful balance they had achieved. He looked at Dumbledore and shrugged;

"I guess he's not hungry."

With that both men turned and entered the room, the Headmaster not noticing Lupins glance back before the doors closed.

As they sat down to plates of toast and jam, the room full of teachers excited chatter and complaints about not being ready in time, Dumbledore turned to Lupin over the empty chair, and said quietly but unusually seriously;

"Stay with Severus this evening. We had a little chat mid-week about the feast, and though he didn't say as much, I have a feeling it is worrying him. He seems edgy lately…"

"I have noticed, I thought he was looking forward to scaring the new students?"

"Oh I don't doubt he is! It is, I think, the older ones who are worrying him. Those who knew him before. Especially the sixth years…"

"Harry…"

"Quite. I expect Severus to be pretty hard on them all, to prove he is not weak. He may prove me wrong…"

"No. I reckon that's about right."

"And we chatted about what to say."

"Say?"

"At the feast. About what happened. I couldn't just let the students find out by rumour, or worse, observation. Imagine the questions he would face from some of them."

Lupin nodded, imagining a certain red haired sixth year's overly load whispers to Harry.

"I hadn't thought about that. What did you decide on?"

"Oh, a simple explanation. He doesn't want me to over do the spying side, afraid of anyone actually thinking him a hero…"

"Which, of course, he is."

"You know that and I know that, but Severus, it seems, thinks the very idea laughable. I will never understand that boy."

Lupin looked away with a grimace. Thinking back to the snappiness of the night before, he sighed again, a habit he seemed to be forming and went back to his plate before finally pushing it away having lost his appetite.

-0o0o0-

........The day passed surprisingly quickly for Lupin, who had become a sort of gopher for the other teachers. He had passed the dungeons a couple of times, not seeing Snape anywhere, and assuming the man to be busy had carried on his way. Now, half an hour before the students were due to arrive, and he was hanging around the doors to the hall noticing the almost visible excitement in the air. It was as if the whole castle were alive once more, looking forward to the time she became what she had been built for again. The thought made him smile.

In the distance, he could see Snape striding up the corridor, a very dour expression on his pale face, and braced himself for any one of a thousand reactions to last night. What he hadn't expected was for the man to simply pause beside him, open and close his mouth as if words failed him, and then, lips pressed into a firm line, gesture towards the doors. What surprised him even more was the hand clamped onto his shoulder as he went through, and the almost painfully tight grip which only loosened at the high table as they took their seats. Before Lupin had a chance to say anything, Snape was engaged in conversation by McGonagall and Flitwick, undoubtedly doing their bit of pre-arranged Snape distraction as well. Lupin just managed to exchange a look with Dumbledore before he too was engulfed in the chatter and politics surrounding the table.

Finally, a wave of noise drifted down towards the hall and the teachers quieted. Lupin glanced at Snape and was worried to see how the mans breathing had sped up and a tension about him, as if he were about to make a run for it. Un-able to stop himself, Lupin subtlely placed a hand on the other wizards arm and squeezed, causing him to flinch, but then take a deep breath in and nod at Lupin. Dumbledore caught his eye and frowned questioningly. Lupin shook his head, although he wasn't sure what at and watched as line after line of noisy, shrieking, excited children filed in and filled the tables. As soon as it began it was over, the hall happy with a belly full of life. Quiet descended as Hagrid, beaming from ear to ear, escorted the mostly scared first years through the door. Lupin couldn't help but smile, out of the corner of his mouth saying to Snape;

"They're smaller than I remember!"

Before Snape had a chance to reply, if, in fact he was going to, Dumbledore had stood up, leaving Snape feeing very exposed on one side and causing him to stiffen even more. This was something the head had obviously taken into to account, and at that moment McGonagall leaned in from her seat and whispered something too quiet for Lupin to hear to Snape, who visibly relaxed a little and, again, nodded.

Dumbledore began the sorting, working his way from A to Z with a practiced fluidity. As the last of the sorted children filed to their new tables and were welcomed by house mates, he took his seat back and let Hagrid tidy away the hat for another year. As he sat again he placed a hand on Snape's shoulder and the man let out a breath he had been holding. Lupin couldn't believe how tense he was, having watch him cope so well over the last month, ('is that all!' he thought); he hadn't really believed anything to ever faze him. Looking at it now, he supposed it was only to be expected, and trying to think of it from his friends point he closed his eyes for a moment, noticing for the first time how many unidentified sounds there were in the room. Holiday time had been peaceful, every noise having an explanation and reason. Now it was aural madness. He opened them and stole another glance at the man whose hands were clasped firmly together in front of him on the table, pumpkin juice untouched and plate pushed away.

As the hubbub in the hall came to a natural expectant quiet with the pupils looking toward the staff as if suddenly realising that something should be happening, Dumbledore rose to give his usual speech and Lupin felt the butterflies in his stomach and again looked at Snape, wandering just what they had decided to say.

As the normal point of close was approached with Filchs various foreboding warnings, Dumbledore dropped his tone a little, and glanced at Lupin, who, doing the only thing he could think of to let Snape know he was there without physically toughing him, moved his chair a little closer and sat a little nearer, knowing it would be picked up on. Sure enough, and to his delight, a twitch of a lip in his direction was reward enough.

Snape's heart was pounding, with the comforting presence of Lupin practically sitting on his knee it was still hard to just sit still and not grab at the man, his instinct wanting him to bolt from the room, something which angered him greatly. How many sorting ceremonies had he sat through in his life? He forced himself to stay where he was trying to think scientifically about this as had been his way of coping since being captured. What he hadn't thought of was all the people in the room causing so much confusing noise, and he found it far more disorientating that he had imagined. He was very disappointed with himself at that moment too, finding that half of him just wanted to put a hand on Lupin, assurance that he wasn't alone in all this, and the other half mad for feeling what he could only explain to himself as weakness and patheticness. An entirely un-scientific reaction. He attempted to subtlely smile at the werewolf, but didn't think it made it to his lips as he heard the Headmaster say the rehearsed words, and all he felt all colour drain from his face.

"So, with all that said, we are nearly ready to eat. One final piece of news, however, which I feel, _we_ feel, you should all be informed of. I am afraid it is not the best of news."

'Get on with it Albus, damn you' thought Snape and Lupin simultaneously.

"Unfortunately, our esteemed Potions Professor has suffered a grievance. In what may come as a shock to some of you, I have to tell you that Professor Snape has, for many many years and at great risk to himself been spying for me." He rose a hand to quell the rising commotion this news brought,

"You are mostly all aware of what I speak of, and if any of you are not, please ask a teacher later. Please be quiet!" he shouted. The room fell silent. "But I digress. Professor Snape was, early last month, captured by Death Eaters, his work as a double agent uncovered, and punished. Through prolonged exposure to the Cruciatus," he raised a hand at the gasps and mutterings that erupted and gestured for silence, "he has been left permanently blinded. He is still your Potions Professor; however, Slytherin will be jointly headed by himself and Professor Vector. I am sure you will all be conscientious in your classes and actions. Now, what a spread! Please, eat!" He turned to face the table, leaving the room in a stunned silence, and his face dropped as he saw his Potions Master. A look of thunder was on his face, and both hands were now clenched into fists on the table. As he returned to sit, and the frantically talking children were distracted by the arrival of all sorts of wondrous goodies, Dumbledore saw Snape lean into Lupin and whisper from between clenched teeth;

"As soon as the brats finish gawping at me and start eating, get me out of here." Despite it sounding like a direct order, Lupin translated it and replied;

"Ok and they're not gawping." The look that earned him was enough to kill, and it deepened as Dumbledore leaned over and placed a hand on Snape's other arm. Seeing the furious man stiffen still further, Lupin shot a quiet yet very strict;

"Albus." at the older man with a shake of his head, and, glancing around the room to see it full of muttering, but eating, children, with only a few shooting glances at the high table, 'Mostly from Slytherin' he noticed and turned again to Snape.

"They're all far more interested in the food now, shall we?" His reply was a piercing grip once again on his shoulder and both men, rather hastily, left the room. Or tried to. As they reached mid way down the rows of tables, a scraping of chairs and filled the air, followed by a silence, broken only by the occasional harshly whispered "Get up" from a sixth year to the confused firsts. Lupin stopped the harassed Potions Master and turned them both to face the stood Slytherin table. He leant into Snape and, his voice stupidly hoarse said;

"They are standing for you."

Snape's head snapped up with a frown on his face He opened his mouth as if to say something but thinking better of it, or maybe not able to think of anything at all, he instead gave a small quick bow. Seeing it returned by the older years, with a smattering of "Sirs" thrown in by those whose minds worked fast enough, Lupin smiled at the students and they both left the room.

-0o0o0-

........"Well, that went as goo…"

"Fool! Damn blasted old git!"

"I thought…"

"Never mind what you thought! He never told me!"

Lupin tried to stop, having reached a safe enough distance from the hall, but was pushed onwards by the hand still grasping his shoulder.

"Severus, what didn't he tell you?"

"Of all the tricks to play, making me look an idiot, what are the students going to think…"

Lupin tried unsuccessfully to stop again, speaking loudly to cut in on Snape's rant;

"Where are we walking to?"

"What? Anywhere! Just walk, Lupin!" his voice dropped from its shout as he added; "Just keep walking Remus. Please."

Something in the way he said it made Lupin reach up and cover the hand with his own, squeezing it as best he could whilst walking towards the outer doors, meaning to steer them toward the forest as there was no chance of meeting any students there.

Snape was now very quiet, and it disconcerted Lupin, having not seen him so angry for a long time. He gently probed;

"What didn't Albus tell you? I don't recall you looking like an idiot…"

"He never told me I was to split my head of house responsibilities. I imagine my face was a picture."

"Oh." The silence resumed. After a moment or two, he added; "I'm sure he will have had a reason."

"He always does." said Snape, dryly. "What annoys me is that I am not aware of what it is. Have I been unsuitable in the past? Have there been complaints? Was it…" he lapsed into silence again, thinking, before blurting out "was it just a way of keeping me sweet with The Dark Lord. I hope not…"

"Oh I'm sure not. I think you are over reacting."

"You would." spat Snape, defensively. "He's on your side, remember, Gryffindor." Lupin counted mentally to ten. At eight Snape stopped him.

"I'm sorry, that was unneeded. Please, let's just walk. I can not trust myself to be civil at this moment."

Lupin smiled to himself, and again squeezed the hand.

"Ok. We'll head round the North side of the lake and back."

"The lake?"

"Yes. No students…"

"Good."

A silence descended on the pair, more comfortable this time and Lupin concentrated on not getting them too muddy.

After half an hour he felt the hand relax a little and slowed the pace, noticing for the first time how chilly it was getting. Looking at his watch, he saw it was nearing ten, and he stopped them both, catching Snape a little off guard. Reaching up with his left hand, he lifted the others right so he could turn. He placed it back on his shoulder and studied the pale face before him. After a moment, he spoke quietly;

"If you had told me yesterday evening what was bothering you instead of acting all angry, maybe we could have done something about it. It was as if the past month hadn't happened. I thought we were getting to be friends. You don't have to be such a martyr you know."

"A martyr! I assure you, Lupin, I mean nothing of the sort! Now, kindly turn around and keep going."

"No."

"No?"

"No. Severus, its freezing. It's late. This whole evening has been a nightmare for me, so goodness only knows what it was like for you. Now, we are not moving from here until you've heard me out. And if you can't say anything unsarcastic at the end of it, just keep your mouth shut." Lupin paused for a breath, impressed with himself. He carried on whilst still brave enough and Snape was surprisingly quiet.

"Now, I know you claim this past month has not altered anything, but, sorry, I don't believe you. I sat tonight and watched your face. I've got to know it well lately, and find you surprisingly easy to read. You were terrified tonight, Severus, whether you choose to admit it to me or not. None of the students will have been able to tell, I doubt only Albus and maybe Minerva will have spotted it. But you were. And I've had a death grip on my shoulder all evening which will leave a bruise I'm sure! Now, I _don't_ mind. Albus doesn't mind. Nobody would mind! It's a normal human thing! You _have_ to accept that at some point, else you are going to explode. And you have to tell us things Severus. We can only help you if you tell us!" as if to emphasise his point he reached out and gently shook the other man a little, then let his hand drop to his side, as, breathing heavily, he ran out of words and watched the face before him.

Slowly, dark eyes which had been pointed at the floor rose to stare just beyond his shoulder. Lupin was a little alarmed and embarrassed to see them glistening. The shaky voice which responded was almost too soft to hear.

"I don't want you to help me. Don't want to _need_ you to help me."

Lupin reached out a hand to hold Snape's shoulder;

"Is it really so bad, needing our help?"

"More so than you could ever imagine. Not so much Albus's, he's been 'helping' me since I was eleven. But you, you're not supposed to like me. Let alone have to help me."

"What if I want to help you?"

"That scares me even more." At this point, Snape's eyes closed, and as he dropped his head once again; "I don't have friends. Don't know how too really."

Lupin went on his gut instinct and pulled the man forward into a fierce hug;

"You're learning fine."

As Snape neither reciprocated nor pulled away, Lupin took it as a good thing. He let him go quickly, not wanting to push his luck, and turned around re-organising the hands again.

"Come on, it's freezing. Let's get inside. It's late. We're exhausted. _You_ have lessons first thing." They trudged off, both looking shattered and very subdued.

-0o0o0-

........"There will be no foolish waving of wands, no silly incantations in this class…" _'6, 7, 8, 9, lectern, spin, glare,_' Snape let his eyes drift over the children in front of him, secretly relieved to have found the lectern where he had left it. So far so good.

"Now, in my classroom, regardless of what the other teachers would have you do, there is to be _no _talking. _No_ passing of notes, copying of work or swapping of potions, ingredients or seats. This brings me to my next point. There is a strict seating plan in this room. I _shall_ be able to tell if it is violated, do not test me on this. All stand by the far wall. As I shout your name, sit at the number desk I give you. Understand?" A chorus of "Yes Sir's" filled the room, and children scuttled to the wall, eyes wide at the imposing man in front of them with the staring eyes and reputation to be feared. There wasn't one amongst them who hadn't plucked up the courage to quiz the older students about just what Dumbledore had been on about. The dark brooding scary man, however, was having more fun than he'd had in a long time.

-0o0o0-

........The first years had been a doddle, still young enough to fear him and not sure of them selves to try anything on. Yet. He was sure that would change. The older students had been surprisingly agreeable also, he had, after consultation with Dumbledore, decided to let them all have the first lesson as a question and answer time, risky, but as the Head had put it, a simple 'I will not answer that' would be all that was needed to move on to other questions. There had been a few brave enough to ask things. Not all of them surprising, 'Does it hurt?'; 'No you fool, the Cruciatus is a doddle.' had been his sarcastic reply. 'Were you sacred?' and a number of slightly gormless 'Can't you see anything?'

Blessedly, a Slytherin in his final year had been the only one to try and abuse the system, slipping in a sly; 'So when you were discovered as a treacherous turn coat, why didn't they just kill you like they should have?" What had surprised Snape more was that by the time he had registered what had been said and thought of a reply, at least half a dozen others, lead by the quiet Mister Longbottom, had jumped the boy and wrestled him to the ground. As order was resumed, the boy sent to Dumbledore and Snape's self appointed protection squad were back in their seats, he further stunned the room by thanking them and letting them leave with no homework.

Relieved when the day was over, he left Lupin a note informing him he was eating in his rooms, but to feel free to stop by later. He then sent another, reminding him to bring the Whisky as it was Snape's only decent bottle and he needed a stiff drink. Or three.

-0o0o0-

........Lupin turned up at his rooms after dinner, a bowl in one hand and the Whisky in the other. He placed them both on the table, and Snape, hearing two clonks, asked;

"What else have you brought?"

"Here," Lupin carefully passed the bowl into Snape's outstretched hand, "I brought you pudding."

"I knew I kept you around for something." Snape pointed a spoon at Lupin, and addressed him in a very serious voice; "As you are, apparently, my self proclaimed counsel, are you not going to ask my how my first day went?"

Lupin, stunned by the light manner in which Snape was speaking to him and wandering a little if the man were drunk, replied hesitantly;

"Um, yes…How was your first day?"

"Fine."

"Fine?"

"Fine."

Lupin put the two glasses he had fetched down.

"Oh, good. I'm glad. I thought it would."

"No, you thought, as did most other people, that it would be a disaster. I would crack; the students would eat me for breakfast, and in Albus's case, that I would hex them all by lunchtime."

"I never did! And Albus wouldn't have appointed you if he…You're joking aren't you? Severus! I'm not sure I can handle you joking. I'm glad it went ok, I never doubted it. You're a good teacher. Now, a toast. To the coming year."

"The coming year. And to friendship."

"To friendship?" Lupin couldn't keep the question out of his voice.

"I have decided, I realised at the beginning, that I needed…some assistance…but now I see, or not, even, that assistance, help, and friendship, go together. It is therefore the sensible decision to accept your offer of it and, well, see what happens." Snape had gone slightly red, and he held his glass over his head. Lupin, slightly stunned but very happy, clanked his to the side of it, before settling back and listening with a smile on his lips to Snape describing the terror of the first years with un-suppressed glee.

-0o0o0-

........The first week of term passed uneventfully, though as Snape stood at the sink in the potions classroom he still breathed a sigh of relief at it being over. Friday had finally arrived and he was planning on sitting down with a large whisky and mulling over the new students, deciding who he thought would be useless and who would be only mildly annoying. He had been pleasantly surprised when the sixth years, the thought of whom made his lip curl in distaste, had proven to be if anything, slightly less annoying than normal. He flicked the suds from his fingers as he heard a knock at the door and he called;

"Who is it?" to the locked door.

"Remus." Came the distant reply. Snape raised an eye brow and muttered the unlocking charm as he wiped his hands and rolled down his sleeves. He was just shrugging into his frock coat as Lupin entered.

"Oh! Sorry, I hope I'm not interrupting anything…"

"What on earth would you be interrupting in here? Don't answer that. No Lupin, I was washing some vials. That is all."

"You were doing washing up?"

"Yes."

"Don't the elves do that?"

"I prefer to do it myself. For some unknown reason elves tend to become quite nervous in these rooms. They have an annoying tendency to break things."

"Ah."

"Yes. Now, what can I do for you, or are you just passing by?"

"No, I have a reason."

"That would be a first."

"Sorry?"

"Nothing. You were saying?"

"Yes, a few of the teachers are gathering for a quiet drink tonight in the staffroom, nothing special, just to see out the first week. I was wandering if you were going?"

"No. I think I would prefer to see out the first week with a quiet drink of my own in my rooms."

"Oh."

"I am sure you are capable of going alone, they won't bite…"

"Very funny. I thought I'd stop by for a while, see how everyone is doing."

Snape nodded and fastened the last button on his sleeve;

"Make sure you report that I am managing to hold my own down here."

"I need do nothing of the sort."

"There are those with doubts."

"You are paranoid."

"Perhaps."

Silence filled the room and Snape put his hands on his hips, sighing in a put upon way.

"Why are you still standing there? Go! Enjoy your social evening."

"Right, yes. Going now. If you change your mind you know where we are."

"I shan't, but thank you."

Good night then."

Snape nodded his farewell and Lupin turned to leave. As he heard the door start to open he called, hesitantly;

"Lupin…"

Lupin turned and looked hopeful;

"Yes Severus?"

"If, after a rowdy drink at what, I guarantee, will turn into the typical Hogwarts quiet drink debacle, you fancy a real quiet glass of whisky, I shall be up until around eleven o'clock. You are welcome to join me."

Lupin's face broke into a grin and he said;

"That would be lovely. Whilst I am sure your colleagues can manage one night with out drunken behaviour, a glass with you would be a good end to the week. I shall see you later on."

Snape nodded again.

"Don't rush on my account."

"I'll see you in a while Severus."

Lupin smiled and left, pulling the door closed behind him.

........When he had returned, several hours later, in a slightly less than sober state himself, he had no hope of denying the amount of alcohol consumed by the staff not on duty that weekend. He had also been glad that the gloating man stood before him in the doorway was unable to see the tartan tee shirt Minerva had transfigured his into. He would never have lived it down.


	5. Chapter 5

I'm back!

Have sorted chapter ones eye hurting blockeyness.

Same disclaimer.

Same grovel. Pretty please?

CHAPTER FIVE

........"You can't stay cooped up in here forever." Lupin stood, hands on hips, glaring at the back of Snape's head and neck as they were bent over some ginger roots being finely chopped.

"I am not 'cooped up'; I just see no reason in going anywhere."

"Fresh air? Change of scenery, socialisation…"

"The air in the dungeons is perfectly fresh thank you, the scenery I can not admire and as for socialisation… well, I have you for that, don't I?"

Lupin rolled his eyes; "Yes, but, other people?"

"Aside from you, Albus and Minerva, I do not know who would want to socialise with me, nor I them."

Lupin had learnt to ignore what he had first thought of as self pity whenever Snape spoke about not being liked, he had soon come to realise that it was simply how he saw it and had been added onto Lupins mental list of 'things to change'. Instead he carried on in his pestering.

"It's just not good for you, Severus. How long has it been since you've been outside? Baring our dramatic stalk around the lake following the sorting…that doesn't count. It's a wonderful time of year, the trees are changing colour, everything smells so autumny, there's a slight nip to the sunshine…"

"Very poetic."

"Oh, stop it. You are coming for a walk with me. End of story."

Snape put down the knife and straightened his back, wincing slightly at the cracks it emitted. His expression was guarded and slightly annoyed;

"Lupin," he sighed, "once again you refuse to take any sort of a hint and I find myself forced to state the bleedingly obvious reasons for my actions."

"I can imagine the reasons; I just prefer you to state them in case I make an error and get it wrong. Besides, it's good for you to talk about it."

"About what?" he said, defensively.

"I don't know, _you_ were about to tell _me_." 'Aha!' Lupin thought, 'That's got you!'

'Bloody tricky Werewolf' thought Snape.

"Very well. I have no desire to go outside with you, nothing personal I assure you. I merely find the thought of wandering around out there…daunting. I am not well enough acquainted with the grounds to feel sure of myself, I admit to not having paid a great deal attention to them whilst I used to collect any ingredients I needed, most of which were in the forest anyway. In my younger days I found they provided un satisfactory amounts of cover from…certain 'pranksters', and as an adult most times I passed through them I was en route to a meeting with, well, lets us say I was not sight seeing on my way. Besides, its probable I would slow you down if a walk was your objective "

"I told you when we were at school that it was bad for you to spend all your time in the library."

"No you didn't!"

"I did, second year, Christmas holidays. I was staying here two nights extra, you were the only person in my year left behind and I tried to get you to go for a walk then."

"I don't remember."

"You hexed me purple."

"Oh yes, now I do…" a smile crept across his face at the thought of a purple Lupin. "You didn't get me out then, nor shall you now. I am going to my classroom, I have lessons to prepare."

"It's the beginning of the year, I have seen your lesson plans which, I noticed, are prepared for the next three months."

"I believe in being ready."

Lupin sighed, exasperated.

"Severus Snape, we are going for a walk. Understand? I will be by in half an hour. The ground is a little soggy in places, I suggest boots. And a cloak, the nip will get quite pronounced in an hour or so. Goodbye." He turned on his heel and strode out of the door before any more protests could be lodged. He knew damn well the reasons for Snape not wanting to leave the safety of his rooms, but it only made him more determined to get him out. 'If he's not ready' he thought, 'Moblicorpus should work…'

-0o0o0-

Half an hour later, Lupin found himself standing outside the door to Snape's rooms, waiting for an answer to his knock. He counted to ten patiently, then tried again. Nothing. On the third attempt, a harassed looking Snape answered the door and snapped;

"Come in" at him. On entering, Lupin was pleasantly amused to see his friend clad in what seemed to be Arctic survival equipment, and apparently looking for more.

"Are you sure you will be warm enough…"

"You said there was a nip."

"An autumnal nip Severus, not an arctic one."

"I am over dressed?" Snape stopped mid-wrestle with a large Slytherin scarf and the genuine confusion in his voice stopped any sarcastic remark brewing in Lupins mind, he merely said quietly;

"A cloak will suffice."

"Oh" said Snape, admitting defeat with the woolly article and removing the heavy winter robes he had cocooned himself in. "I'm afraid I have rather lost track of the weather, windows not being much help in that department. It has been known to be cold in October…"

"I will alert you when snow wear is needed." subject closed. "Now, ready?"

"No."

"Excellent. Lets go." he marched up to Snape and steered him towards the door where he was shaken off like an annoying insect. Snape was muttering the wards to lock his door as he lead the way through the halls and toward the stairs and main doors, Lupin followed along, not saying anything as the other mans face held a strange expression and Lupin assumed he was deep in thought. At the doors Snape stopped suddenly, and the following werewolf narrowly avoiding careering into the dark figure in front of him.

"Severus?" he probed, gently.

"I am… apprehensive."

'How many ways of saying scared are there!' thought Lupin, out loud adding;

"If I may lead? There are some patches of slippy moss from the sun and as I said, it is a little boggy in places…"

"You will avoid the worst of it?" almost a plea, but not quite.

"Of course. I have no desire for either of us to wind up covered in slime or in Poppy's care!"

"You have a planned route? We will return home? By nightfall?"

"I have no plans for night time wanderings just yet. We will be home for supper." the wizard quipped. "Its only a walk Severus, not an expedition!"

"You _will_ bring me back, that is, I mean, we will be back for supper? That is good. You are sure?" the expression on Snape's face changed and it hit Lupin. He grabbed the others arm, earning a startled look;

"Wait, no? You surely didn't think that I was going to… what… ditch you in the forest or something?"

The uncomfortable silence and subconscious bite of a lip said everything.

"Oh my giddy aunt, Severus! I'm actually hurt you would think that! _Why _would you think that?!"

"It is something you would have once done." was the quiet answer, accompanied by a shrug.

"My friends, maybe, once, but this is not then! And had circumstances been the same then they would most certainly not have!"

"I disagree. I had a dream where Sirius…" he faltered, suddenly aware he was having this conversation.

"Where Sirius, what?"

Snape was silent.

"What Severus?"

"Nothing," the voice was firm again, chin angled up in a sub conscious movement born from long years of looking down his nose at hapless students, "it was inconsequential."

Lupin gently shook the arm he held;

"You dreamt what? That Sirius took you to the woods and left you?"

Snape rolled his eyes and huffed out the reply;

"Not the woods but along those lines. As I said, not important. Let's go." he attempted to turn away and push open the doors but found himself stopped by the hand on his arm. He half heartedly shook at it, frowning.

"Severus, I promise you I won't leave you out here."

"I know."

"Promise."

Snape nodded grimly. The corners of his lips curled up in mirth;

"Now you know my reasons."

"I guess I do."

Lupin released his arm and put himself in front of the other as the doors opened and bright sunlight hit their faces, counting the stone steps aloud as he led the way down and toward the lake.

-0o0o0-

"P-p-professor Snape sir?"

The scared first year who had knocked on the dungeon room's door with a terrified fist looked on the verge of tears. Being chosen to come and get the _other _head of Slytherin was a dubious honour.

"Babington?" the Potions Master paused in sipping his tea, and his companion emerged from the kitchen where he had been buttering the buns; "What is the reason for the disturbance?"

"Sorry Sir! Professor Vector sent me… She said you wouldn't mind…" her courage failed her and her voice tailed off.

"Spit it out girl, Slytherins do not dissolve into jelly upon disturbing a teachers evening, now what is it?"

Lupin, watching from the door way hid a smile, the child looked about ready to pass out, and whilst he knew Snape was just being, well, Snape, she obviously thought he was in a temper.

"Yes Sir! Sorry Sir! Professor-Vector-sent-me-to-ask-you-to-come-to-the-dorm-'cause-Iain-won't-calm-down-and-she-said…"

"And breathe, Babington."

"Yes Sir." The girl turned bright red. "Sorry Sir." she added as an after thought, believing that if she apologised enough she couldn't be blamed. A look of horror spread across her face as she remembered something;

"She said I was to _bring_ you!" she squeaked. Lupin could not hold the snort of laughter back at this, and stepped into the room;

"That will be all dear. I've always wanted to see in the Slytherin dorms… A boyhood wish fulfilled…"

"Tell Professor Vector I shall be along in a moment. You may go."

On hearing the door close, Snape stood and Lupin was amused to see the smirk on his face.

"It seems the Head of House needs my help…"

"You are joint Heads Severus."

"Hrmph."

"Come on, your student needs you!" Lupin struck a mock super hero pose, a habit from watching Muggle films as a child before he remembered that it couldn't be seen and feeling like a bit of a twit.

"Coming are you?" sneered Snape "I do know the way…"

"And miss seeing the 'caring you' in action? I think not. Besides, I really have always wanted to see the common room; we used to make up what it looked like. Probably not very accurately! And someone has to referee you and Vector."

"Fine."

Snape strode to his door and motioned the Werewolf through.

"We shall continue the tea when we return."

........Snape led the way through the portrait guarding the Slytherins and past a fire blazing in the empty common room. The circular room had a large fire place with a mantle made of black marble. Hung above it was a portrait of a dark haired wizard whose name escaped Lupin, but it gave him the creeps. The walls were hung with tapestries depicting several family trees, the entire history of Slytherin house in pictorial form and several mottos in Latin which Lupin didn't even attempt to translate at such a late hour and instead decided to ask Snape about later. The furnishings were dotted here and there, chairs pulled into groups of three and four, packs of exploding snap and various hands of cards abandoned in messy piles. An obviously loved teddy bear sat on one of the settees complete with miniature green and silver scarf, though he looked utterly worn out and obviously missing the arms of a child.

"We never imagined teddy bears though. He looks lost." said Lupin quietly.

"Only children Lupin." Snape's voice was filed with a melancholy bitterness; "At eleven they do not yet know that they have to loose their innocence and fit an uncomfortable mould placed on them by the other houses." Lupin couldn't answer that and followed on, there were five doors and two flights of stairs leading from the room, and it was to the second flight of stairs that he took Lupin. They stairs were lit by torches, but were a steep spiral, heading down. Lupin was amazed.

"How deep do the dungeons go?"

"Very." was Snape's mysterious reply.

They began to descend, Lupin watching Snape's un faltering steps on the dipped surfaces of the smooth stone steps, blushing when he found his eyes drawn to the fingers trailing the wall as a guide.

He realised he was nervous, the forbiddance of entering another houses' rooms ingrained on his mind. He tried to joke;

"Homely and welcoming Severus!"

The reply was serious;

"The easiest way to defend the young ones. Salazar was rather …paranoid."

Voices began to swim up to meet them, a wailing child and too many people making too many suggestions. As they rounded the last curve and stepped into a small hall, Snape paused and listened before a small smile ghosted over his face and he followed his ears into the third room, the small smile still playing about the corners of his lips. The bed farthest in the corner contained a very upset gangly youth, red blotchy eyes and snotty nose. He was curled up in a ball and Professor Vector was sat beside him looked harassed, already in her nighty and dressing gown. As the children watching saw Snape enter, they fell silent and many looked relieved. Lupin saw Babington duck behind a larger friend and smiled at her, her eyes going wider the only response. In a matter of seconds the only sounds were the sobbing on the bed and Vectors platitudes. Babington popped her head out again;

"Iain!" she whispered feverently, "He's here…"

The sobbing child opened an eye and peered at Snape, who was still only stood in the doorway, Vector, relief flooding her face, rose and walked past him. He blanked her. Lupin nodded but hid his smile.

Snape spoke quietly;

"Weatherall? What is going on?"

With only sobs as an answer, Snape turned his gaze on the rest of the room.

"Anyone? It is late; we should all be in bed, why is this student crying?"

Fuelled by the praise of her peers at returning from her earlier mission un-hexed, Babington poked her head out again and said;

"We were telling stories, Halloween stories… He just started crying… We couldn't stop him…"

"Thank you Kerry." said Snape earning a small unseen smile.

"Now, Iain." he folded his arms. "What is the meaning of the tears." he softened his voice, "Were the stories told by this bunch of reprobates that terrible?"

A watery shake of a head, at which point Babington hissed bravely;

"You have to speak…" before turning crimson, courage all used up and retreated behind her friend. The sobbing boy stuttered;

"N-n-no Sir…"

"I thought not. Are you in pain?"

Another shake, this time with a frown and a "nu-uh" and the tears began to lessen.

"Ah. So it must be that most terrible of things."

The tears stopped long enough to fix his Head with a confused look, quietly asking;

"What's that Sir?"

"You," Snape pointed at the boy, "must be a Gryffindor in disguise and are afraid these fine Slytherins will find you out."

The roomful collectively sighed, all expecting a truly terrible thing indeed, and smiled at each other, a couple nervously giggling. Lupin, not able to help himself, lightly slapped Snape's arm with the back of his fingers and let out a suitably annoyed;

"Oi!"

Snape lifted his hands up in despair.

"It would seem children that I am surrounded. Never mind Weatherall, there are maybe some Gryffs who are… acceptable." he moved closer to the bed and crouched down, lowering his voice until only the child's ears and those of a certain Werewolf could pick it up.

"Is it regarding that which we spoke of last week?"

"Yes Sir."

"Ahh. Come and see me tomorrow. Only three more days until half term"

"That makes it worse."

"Really? Interesting. I shall keep that in mind in future. Now, can you sleep?"

"I'll try Sir."

"Good boy. If you need me, send Babington."

"Thank you Sir."

"Good night."

He stood up and turned around.

"Right you scary story experts, no more tonight! Anyone not in bed in one minute is barred from the feast tomorrow night. You do not want to miss your first Hogwarts feast! The Headmasters favourite holiday! Quick, bed! Bed! Bed!"

The sound of scuttling feet and whispered 'goodnights' filled the air. Snape called 'Nox' and aware of the pairs of eyes on him held out his cupped hands and wordlessly and wandlessly summoned a small sphere of glowing green light. A collection of awed gasps filed the room and Lupin saw a real smile spread over Snape's face as he stepped back over to where Weatherill was yawning, tired from all his crying, and placed it on the small table next to his bed, a comforting glow in the deep black of a dungeon night.

"Sleep well child."

........The grown men turned and left the room, ascending the stairs in silence, Snape dimming the torches as he passed them and reducing the fire in the common room as they went through. The journey back to his quarters was also silent, Lupin deep in thought, occasionally stealing a look at the man next to him.

........Upon returning, Lupin had sat down and watched Snape re-make the tea, guessing the time at about ten. He spoke very quietly;

"You were very good with them."

"Does it surprise you?" no hint of accusation.

"Maybe, a little. I know it shouldn't. I apologise."

"No need."

"You sounded like Dumbledore, when you called him 'child'."

"He is a child. A rather weepy one."

"No, I mean, really like him. That's how he talks to you. He calls you child."

Snape flushed slightly red;

"Annoying old man."

"No, it's nice. Fatherly."

"If you say."

He paused, wandering how far he could push the conversation.

"You don't think?"

"Lupi…Remus, going on my experiences of a father I rather hope not."

"Oh. I see."

"I strongly doubt that you do but there we go."

"You seemed pretty sure of where his bed was. The table, have you had to see to him before?"

Snape let out a small chuckle.

"He was taken into the hospital wing several nights first week or two of the year. Home sick on an amazing scale. I told him he was lucky."

"Lucky?"

"Yes. It had never occurred to him that he was lucky to have a home so good that he missed it. There are many in Slytherin who do not."

"I suppose."

"As for the bed, I do know its position very well, and in complete darkness. I got very good at sneaking in and out of it to brew secret potions…I had the same one in my first year."

"Really!"

"Yes. And the rooms haven't changed at all."

"Well fancy that!"

"Indeed."

"And I loved the flame! Nice touch!"

"Dumbledore taught that to another scared first year, many years ago."

"Wandless and wordless?"

"I was not your average first year Remus."

"I gather."

"It was the first time I have used it since…well…I was pleased it worked, you have to visualise it, I was a little worried I had forgotten."

"No worries there."

"So it would seem. Now you see why the Slytherins are never really scared of me, not like the other students. They know I am fair. I see a little of me in all of them, I try to keep the ones who I may from choosing the path that I took by trying to give them something to be proud of, a group they belong to and are proud to belong to. Namely, being a Slytherin. It is all a lot of them have. It is not easy, when so many people, teachers included are against us for our house name. Sad, as they are at this stage mostly just innocents."

"Mostly? How would they not be at eleven? I saw the teddy bear remember…"

"I was not. I assume I am not unique. Unusual, I hope."

"I admit to being intrigued by your childhood, I can not imagine you a scared first year…Only the one we saw."

"Some other time, when I am either drunk or on my death bed I may tell you about it."

"Well," Snape noticed the disappointment though it was well hidden, "I was impressed. You are a natural."

"Oh good grief no! I still have to bite my tongue not to just shout 'stop bawling you pathetic fool' at them! It what always worked on me!"

"I assure you they are glad you choose alternative methods."

"I am aware. It didn't work the one time I tried it, there's an interesting story…But not for now. Tea. Anything else you require?"

"Chocolate biscuits?"

"Second drawer down."


	6. Chapter 6

Here we are, chapter 6 for the few reviewees, your comments are much appreciated!

Same disclaimer.

Same plea for your views, or just a shrug...

Hope you like it!

-0o0o0-

CHAPTER SIX

........"Shall we take a walk?" Remus Lupin poked his head around the door leading from the potions classroom to Snape's office where the other man was currently sorting newt's livers into a bowl.

"Now? It is almost time for the feast; I thought you would be wanting to be first there."

"I don't mind being second, and there's plenty of time, it doesn't start for nearly two hours. The weather is fine, in fact quite warm, and I feel like getting some fresh air."

"I, on the other hand, do not."

"Ah, but, if I were to go for a walk alone, I may forget to return to collect you for the feast."

"I assure you Lupin that I am more than able to attend a meal without you."

"But would you want to?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Lupin grinned to himself, he had been gently seeing how much he could tease Snape lately without getting hexed, and though it was a dangerous game, he was fairly good at playing it. 'All,' he told himself 'in the name of getting the other to lighten up a little.'

"Nothing Severus. Just that I would enjoy your company on a walk and at the feast. Put your slimy…things… away and get your cloak."

Snape had recently begun to realise when it was easier to just agree with the man and when it paid to stand his ground, and now he realised he had no real argument to avoid going. The week before had been half term and the children only back a day or two, so there were neither pressing assignments nor a great deal of marking and he _had_ been inside this room all day…

"Fine. Give me five minutes to store these and clean up and I'll meet you at the main doors."

Lupin grinned again;

"Great!" and turned to leave, Snape began muttering preservation charms and placing carved up bits of newt into a stone bowl to 'incendio' later.

-0o0o0-

........Five minutes later they met at the doors, Lupin clad in his warmest wool jumper and gloves, Snape in his mandatory black coat and cloak scowling a little as the wintry sunlight hit his face as they went through the doors. Lupin paused at the top of the stairs, aware that the taller man was still coming to terms with their trips out, and waiting for the grip on his arm to relax a little before as usual counting his way down the stairs.

He got nearly to the bottom when a silkily sarcastic voice asked;

"There are thirteen Lupin, I wonder, do you forget? Or do you just like to count?"

Lupin swallowed his sarcastic comment but intentionally let a small amount of the anger that flashed through him come out in his contrite words;

"Actually, I do it to make you feel better. Should you ever be out here alone."

He let the silence stay as he took them down the final three without a word, turning to the left and towards the forest. He had begun to calm down when a pull on his arm stopped him for half a stride as Snape said;

"I apologise. That is…thoughtful."

"Fine." he said curtly, though he couldn't stop the grin on his face.

They continued to walk on for sometime in silence, a peaceful quiet that neither felt the need to break when Lupin stated to feel decidedly uneasy. He picked up his speed a little, startling Snape who had fallen into an easy rhythm behind him and causing him to stumble;

"What ever is the matter?"

Snape's voice coming out of the silence caught Lupin un-aware and he jumped, causing the hand on his arm to tighten and stop him.

"Why are you,"

"Shh. Listen."

"Listen? To what?"

Lupin turned his head and caught the worried look that flashed over Snape face and gently cursed himself for forgetting the others unease at being out side the safety of the castles walls. He gave the hand on his arm a quick squeeze as he said again;

"Shh!"

As Snape's face turned into a frown a very distant rumble of thunder rolled over the tree tops and caused Lupin to laugh a little. Snape glared and muttered;

"I fail to see the amusement…"

"I'm sure you do. I always forget that I can feel the thunder coming more so than most people, it isn't until I hear the first peal that I remember I do!"

"Wonderful. I am going to be stuck in the middle of a forest with a man shaped barometer in a storm. Great."

"Don't be silly, that was miles away, not even a flash of-"

He was cut off as a huge crack sounded directly over head accompanied by a flash of lightening that made the entire forest light up. Lupin couldn't stop himself from grabbing at Snape just as the others instincts made him grab at the Werewolf. They stood holding each others arms with wide eyes and breathe held, waiting for a second crack that didn't come. Snape was the first to let go, embarrassedly narrowing his eyes into a glare as he said;

"You were saying?"

"I have been known to be wrong. At least it isn't,"

"Do not even say it."

"raining." finished Lupin lamely as giant drops began to fall slowly on them.

"Sorry Severus."

"Much as I would like to be able to even I cannot blame you for the storm we are about to be caught in. You don't, by any chance, know a suitable water repelling charm do you?"

"Sorry."

"I thought not. Umbrella? How re-miss. I suggest we find the densest tree and wait it out."

"Don't you know not to stand under trees in lightening?"

Snape gave him a withering look;

"Lupin, we are in a wood. The choices are limited. Either we stay here and attempt to shelter, or risk walking back over the somewhat large exposed flat area of the lawns to the castle where we would be the tallest things out there, or maybe you'd like to paddle in the giant mirror like conductor that is the lake."

"No need to be sarcastic. Point taken."

A second crack sounded, echoing through the trees and causing the two men to again clutch at one another. Lupin looked around himself and pulled Snape in a very undignified manor towards a large old holly tree that looked dense.

"Here, its holly so be careful, you'll have to crouch to get in but they make very good dens, I spent most of one summer in one of these one holiday when I was young."

"I dread to think why. I do not wish to be spiked to death, be more accurate than 'crouch down.'"

Lupin frowned at the bush as the rain began to fall faster,

"Lupin" said Snape impatiently, a hint of worry edging his words as another crack filled the air followed closely by a flash.

"Ok, on our knees." both men crouched down, Lupin feeling a bubble of excitement in his stomach as he remembered how much fun this would have been if he were a child. He glanced at the knelt figure next to him and saw to his disappointment only annoyance. "Now give me your hands," Snape raised an eyebrow and held back; "don't be daft Severus, you're quite welcome to sit out here and get soaked or you can come in." Snape reached his hands out hesitantly and Lupin took them, noting the freezing fingers and slight tremor.

"Right, now, forward." Lupin edged his way backwards keeping half an eye on the floor behind him and half on Snape's face. After creeping a yard or so he released the others hands and sat back on his haunches, looking around. The ground inside the tree was dry and had a soft covering of debris which made for quite comfortable seating, and the tightly packed evergreen branches made a sufficiently water tight roof. 'Pity we're not twelve' he thought, 'this would be a cracking den.' He lent back on his hands and observed the man opposite him who was exactly as Lupin had left him, hands held ever so slightly in front of him and still up on his knees.

"We're in Severus. I suggest getting comfortable, we may be here a while."

Snape slowly lowered himself to the floor crossing his legs and his arms, knees muddy and the occasional leaf in the long dark hair making him look like an overgrown naughty school boy, even down to the scowl now firmly back in place.

Lupin watched him in silence for several long moments as the arms were uncrossed then crossed again and the frown lines deepened. Lupin could see the unease growing in him and as wrong as he knew he was for doing it he kept quiet, fascinated at watching the expressions that chased fleetingly across the normally guarded face. As a crack over head shook the branches they were sat under Lupin came to with a start and Snape flinched so much and had such a look on his face that Lupin swore at himself, and before registering what he was doing reached out a hand and grabbed hold of one of the tense arms which was by now more wrapped around Snape's body than folded in front of it. The gesture itself caused him to pull away but Lupin kept hold;

"Sorry Severus only me," 'And I call myself his friend.' he thought. "Sorry. I was a million miles away." he released the arm as another clap broke through the thick air and noted the arms now back to crossed and the face scowling again, but shuffled around until he was sat with his shoulder almost touching the other mans.

After several more cracks and flashes, each illuminating the prematurely dark sky for a split second, Snape spoke quietly;

"Lupin, is the lightening sheet or forked?"

"Forked. The one I saw before we came in here earthed just beyond the lake."

Snape nodded, Lupin continued;

"Do you like storms Severus? I love them."

"Once you remember they're coming of course."

"Of course." Lupin thought that was the end of the conversation and was pleasantly surprised when his companion volunteered;

"I used to like watching the lightening from the astronomy tower. I'd sneak up there at night and we'd watch it for hours."

"We?"

"What? Oh, yes. I found company. Albus enjoyed the spectacle as much as I."

"He didn't mind you breaking curfew?"

"I suppose not. He never said."

"What about now?"

"Now?"

"Now there is thunder…"

A small sad smile lifted the corners of Snape's mouth;

"Now I just have the thunder. I like them just as much Lupin, normally from a warm room I admit. This is a little, unusual, and slightly disarming though I imagine that the reflection in the lake in quite something."

Lupin nodded forgetfully, and then trying to lighten the mood said;

"Well I'm not about to go and look."

"That's the first sensible thing you've said all day."

"I found us a fine holly bush didn't I?" he chided lightly.

"Due to the fact that you lived in one I am not surprised."

Lupin was confused.

"Lived in one? I don't follow."

"'Spent all holiday in one' wasn't it?"

"What? Oh no!" he laughed; "I meant I had a den in one, in a small wood near our house! A friend and I set up camp in there, imagined we were braving the great world or in a huge fortress…It was even my Hogwarts when I was alone." he smiled at the memories.

"I misunderstood. A den… I had something similar."

Shock stopped Lupins laughter, and he couldn't keep the disbelief out of his voice;

"Really?"

"Yes!" snapped Snape defensively. "A large wooden packing crate in our cellar. I hung an old sheet over the open end and stole candles to light it. I would sneak books down there and read when I wasn't helping mother, and father never knew about it as he wouldn't go into the cellar as that's where mother kept her equipment."

"Equipment?"

"For brewing. Why did you think I knew most of the assignments for first and second year before being taught them?"

"I just assumed you were a quick learner."

"I was." He replied darkly. "So, tell me, ever sleep in your den?"

"No. Mum said it was too dangerous. Said there may be strange people around. You?"

"Regularly. Father punished me by making spend the night in the cellar. Didn't know I had a comfy den all ready complete with candles and books! That was the sweetest revenge really. That I enjoyed his punishments." he frowned a little, "Most of them."

"Sev that's awful!"

"Is it?" confusion crossed the face which had, in telling the story, lost its guarded look; "Not really. I can think of worse. Were your parents never angry?"

"Well yes, but never locked me in a cellar."

"Did you have a cellar?"

"Well…no…"

"See. Different situation then. Maybe if they had they would have."

"No." said Lupin with certainty.

"No matter. What's the sky doing? Any lighter?"

Lupin shifted around and peered through a branch;

" 'Fraid not. Looks like it's set in. It was such a lovely day!"

"Too warm, looking back."

"Maybe. Didn't expect this though. Should have guessed when the sun went in, it changed from warm to clammy. So, any more child hood stories in your closet?"

"None that you would like if being locked in a cellar offends you."

"In that case I don't think I want to know. It's half past five. We're going to be late for the feast."

"You are a bottomless pit."

"I missed lunch in anticipation! Should we try to get back?"

A worried shadow crossed Snape's face;

"In the forked, ground hitting lightening you mean?"

"Well yes…We could stick to edge of the forest, at least avoid the open space. It is still off behind the lake…"

"Seeing as how our options are decidedly limited, I suppose we shall have to take the least dangerous route. Even staying close to the edge we will have a distance of some, what, five hundred yards to cross. For some reason I find that less than appeasing."

"Severus, the lightening is still behind the lake, we are in front of it. On the incredibly small off chance that it suddenly leaps towards us, I shall be sure to push you to the ground and make myself the taller object, therefore absorbing the strike myself!"

"Sarcasm does not suit you."

"Well, honestly. I am not spending any more time in this bush if there are no more stories to hear, and given the fact that on top of already being late the time it will take to get dry and presentable we will barely make main course! We are going. Come on."

The two men shuffled awkwardly backwards out of their prickly shelter and as soon as they were upright, set of at a fast walk through the forest.

-0o0o0-

Later…

........The knock on the door was rapid and Snape smiled to himself as he imagined the werewolf on the other side hopping from foot to foot, the picture of annoyed anguish at having missed the main part of the feast. He let him wait a moment longer whilst he issued the last few orders to the only elf who was now brave enough to serve his rooms before rolling down the sleeves of the white shirt he was wearing- minus cravat- and tutted when he found his cufflinks were missing. As he reached out to open the door, something he would normally have done by magic but this evening he found the manual equivalent more appealing, he suddenly had a panicked thought that his sleeves, unsecured as they were, could be apt to slipping up his arms, revealing things he would rather keep secret, but by then the door had received a push from the other side and said agitated Lycanthrope had started being…excitable, pushing the thought from his mind as he was faced with a practically bouncing Lupin;

"Come on come on we're late and the pudding will be…_Severus!_" the voice was filled with genuine horror; "You're not even _dressed_! And you're all…" he gestured pointlessly at the shirt, not noticing the blush creep up his face; "undone!"

"Well now we know there is nothing wrong with your vision, I agree that I am, indeed, not ready, nor do I intend becoming ready."

"If you had said you weren't going I wouldn't have bothered traipsing all the way down here when I could have been eating sticky toffee pudding!!"

Snape couldn't help the automatic shot of fire;

"I never asked you!" before closing his eyes and raising his hands, dropping them suddenly at the feel of sliding fabric. Calmer, he continued; "I never asked you to come down but had hoped you would. I should re-phrase myself. _We_ are not going. Please, Remus, come in."

He stood to one side and gestured the other in, whom, confused and sulking slightly due to the absence of desserts, mumbled his way over the threshold. Grumpily he grouched;

"You'd better have the elves rustle up something tasty then 'cause I'm starving."

"Already foreseen and catered for." Snape lead the way to the living room and smirked gratuitously, "A little of everything prepared for the feast, plus extra pud. A payment, if you like, for forcing me entirely against my will out of my rooms. I had a, realisation, epiphany, call it what you will, whilst in the shower. Due mainly to the mud which had seeped its way into my boots I think. Don't ask me what about as I won't tell you, but I thought that this would be appreciated."

"I don't need payment, Severus."

"You may not think so, but I assure you we all do really."

"I don't do it for that."

"Then why I wonder. On second thoughts, don't tell me! I really don't want to know. Consider it a reward then, for putting up with me. I have been assured in the past that it not a mean feat."

"Oh I don't know you have some re-deeming features…"

"Stop! Eat! Before I change my mind and throw you out just to argue the point!"

Lupin chuckled and looked hard at the man before him, shirt collar button undone revealing the tip of an old scar which he uncomfortably realised he found intriguing, and he was not able to suppress rolling his eyes as the other became slightly uncomfortable with the feeling of being watched. Lupin spoke very quietly;

"You would wouldn't you. Throw me out."

Snape contemplated this and then replied equally quietly as he subconsciously fiddled with an empty cuff;

"Not now, no, I think rather not."

He pinched the two empty holes together and held them up to Lupin as if in explanation before turning and striding into his bedroom in search of a fastening.


	7. Chapter 7

Hope you like this, the last paragraph is a little random I know, but nevermind!

Anyway, same as always. All hers.

Let me know!

CHAPTER SEVEN

-o0o0o-

"_My dear Remus, you will never be fast enough to actually catch a rabbit."_

_Severus Snape watched as the lolloping animal nearly careered into him where he was sat on the ground, moon bathing his arms beneath the rolled up shirt sleeves he wore in the ethereal light. The laughing face of the Lupine looking slightly comical with the enormous tongue hanging out. The same tongue darted forward and slathered a path of slime up his left arm, partially coating the faded dark mark and Snape scowled as he looked at it only to be nudged onto his back roughly by a furry head and a sharp bark in his ear in admonishment. Sighing he muttered;_

"_I know I know." before looking to his side and reaching out for the ball he could see, grasping it and hurling it across the grounds. As the werewolf leapt up and after it his smile faded as he noticed a movement in the bushes. Looking closer, he felt an icy grip on his heart as he connected with the red eyes glowing from within it; a sharp ringing sound filled his ears as he made to shout to Lupin and…_

……..Snape's head jerked up off the bench he was sat behind, heart hammering as he couldn't figure out for a moment why it was so dark and what he was doing. Then he remembered. He silenced the obnoxious timer set to remind him that the final simmering was complete, killed the flame and, rather nervously dipped the smallest ladle into the cauldron. Blowing on it a little he sampled the contents, face screwing up in disgust. But not enough. Too palatable. He hurled the instrument across the room and thumped his hand against the desk. 'Damn' he thought, 'bloody November and still not a decent Wolfsbane…'

-0o0o0-

…….."Lupin?" The doors to the hospital wing were pushed open a fraction, revealing the head and shoulders of Severus Snape, slight frown on his face and indecisive as to whether to enter or not. "Lupin?" he called, a little louder.

"SSh!" came the almost frantic female's response, causing Snape to straighten with a start; "Less shouting! Either come in or close the door!"

He stepped through the doors and shut them quietly behind him. Feeling a little like a spare part he folded his arms together and stood looking lost. A few minutes passed before he grew impatient and growled;

"Poppy…"

"Sorry Severus," came her voice from afar, growing louder as she approached him "he's only just got off."

Snape walked tentatively towards her voice dropping his to a whisper;

"How is he?"

"Not as bad as he could have been, considering."

"I know…"

"Oh I didn't mean because of …Would have been bad anyway, just, he's a bit rough."

"Can I see him?"

"He's asleep."

"I'll wait."

"As you please. Just don't wake him."

He gave her a withering gaze and she sighed;

"He's in the second ward, third bed on the right."

"I know it well."

She looked confused for a moment until realisation dawned and she nodded unseen understanding. Snape slowly made his way to the bed recalling its position from the depths of his mind where he found that lately he stored all manner of semi-useless information, and summoned a chair settling himself into it and getting comfy.

-0o0o0-

……..Half an hour or so had passed when Poppy re-appeared with a mug of tea in her hand, which she thrust under Snape's nose;

"Tea. Toast will be ten minutes, it seems the elves are having some drama involving yeast or something, I tend not to pay too much attention."

"Indeed. A sensible precaution."

"Has he woken up at all?"

"Not yet."

"Shouldn't be long, let me know when he does."

Snape nodded and she left, he sipped his tea, quietly impressed that she remembered how he took it and warmed his hands on the sides; the hospital wing was always on the chilly side, even to a dungeon dweller like him. He sighed, feeling strangely content, when a muttered;

"Oh hello" came from the bed beside him. He nearly dropped his mug.

"Merlin! I was a million miles away! How are you?"

"Sore. Tired. Ok."

"I am sorry…"

Lupin reached a shaky hand out and grasped the arm next to him;

"Be quiet fool."

Snape thought to respond or take offence and then decided against it, there seemed to be no malice in the name.

"Nice to see you…" mumbled Lupin as he withdrew his hand and curled onto his side facing the potions master, regarding him through sleepy eyes, mumbling; "Bloody good pain potion, you're quite good you know…"

"High praise indeed coming from the man whose attempts to brew anything other than tea are disastrous."

Lupin smiled;

"Yeah…sleep now, talk," his face cracked into a giant yawn, "later Sev…" and his eyes closed. Snape shivered as a ghost walked over his grave at the long un said nick name, he closed his eyes and let a small sad smile cross his lips, muttering;

"Sev…incorrigible." before shaking himself, calling softly for Poppy and reporting the conversation as instructed.

-0o0o0-

......."What's that?"

"Tea."

"Ah, Thanks."

" 'Ah thanks', why does everybody always assume I am giving them strange concoctions?"

"Well, I presume it goes with the territory…"

"Potions Masters, even one as brilliant as myself, are quite capable of brewing a simple pot of tea."

"-!-!-"

"You're laughing at me."

" 'Even one as brilliant as myself', only you could get away with saying that."

"Simply stating a fact."

Lupin slurped noisily.

"Good tea this. Well done. At least an Acceptable."

"Oh why _thank you_ professor. I _shall_ sleep easier now."

"Shut up and pass the biscuits."

The werewolf curled up opposite him now looking more like himself thanks to being allowed back to his own rooms stifled yet another yawn and Snape shuffled uncertainly. He had grown semi used to Lupin hovering over him in the past months but when the tables were turned he found he didn't know where to start with it. Small Slytherins were one thing, but a fully grown Werewolf…

"Can I get you anything?"

"The tea is fine. Relax Severus, I'm quite well."

"That is a matter of opinion."

"The _official _opinion is that I am fine. Tired, I admit, but fine. Remember, I am used to this."

"I, on the other hand, am not."

"Sorry?"

"Used to this."

"I don't see how you could be you're not a… Oh! I see! You're doing fine. Just keep supplying the tea and slightly confusing buns and I'll supply the friendship."

Snape frowned and sat in the chair opposite. He stated quietly but earnestly;

"I _will_ brew it."

"I know."

"I do want to."

"I _know_ Severus. I appreciate that you ca… are finding it hard…"

"Next month. I think I will have it next month."

"That would be wonderful, let's wait and see. In the mean time, a change of conversation."

Snape set his mug down on the table and lent back in his chair;

"Continue."

"Do you remember that Webley girl? Silly first name…Debly I think, I mean, fancy naming a child that…"

"Red hair…"

"That's her! Quiet Hufflepuff, always looking after the first years."

"Yes, why?"

"Azkaban!"

"Really? For what charge?"

"Activities supporting the Death Eaters! Read it in the Prophet, quite a shock."

"Indeed. I'm not sure why you are telling me but I'm sure it will become clear at some point."

"Probably not, just a suitable conversation change from me."

Snape nodded and leant back in the chair. He seemed to loose himself in thought and when Lupin called him he didn't answer. He tried again;

"Severus?"

Snape came back to the present with a small jump, and spoke quietly;

"Sorry, miles away. Now, being the slightly less infirm one of the two of us at this point I would like to say that as your early release is on my head I insist on proper rest for you. Go to bed, I shall have the settee in case you nedd anything. I will not accept arguments. Sleep. I will have the Prophet brought up for you in the morning and you can entertain me with the where-a-bout's of all our school associates then."

Lupin started to argue but was cut off with a glare and pointed finger aimed at the bedroom. He sighed and stood, knees protesting at the movement and giving an alarming creak which earned a raised eyebrow from opposite.

"The small cabinet above the sink in the bathroom now contains salves which you may find more beneficial than Poppy's school supplies. There is a small square pot with two diagonal lines across the lid. Apply it to all joints before sleep. Goodnight."

Lupin decided not to ask how, why, or when they had been put there, instead saying with a little amusement;

"Goodnight Severus. Thank you."

"No matter."

-0o0o0-

.......The next morning Lupin couldn't find Snape in his quarters, and after summoning an elf to find out that it was gone ten he realised that it was a Sunday, and therefore no classes. He frowned, giving a glance around the room for a note and finding none he set off to find his nurse and hopefully some breakfast.

He had searched the castle for nearly an hour before he groaned his way up the stairs to the Astronomy tower, Snape's salve had been good but the ache was returning, and he swore that this was the last place he was looking. He would have left the man to whatever he was doing but at the end of the previous evening he thought Snape had slipped into something of an introspective mood, and wanted to stop it before it became a full blown sulk. As he heaved himself up the last step he saw a figure sat against the wall on the far side, pale November sunlight making the dark hair shine in contrast to the dull stone wall. Knowing he was unseen and un heard he lent back and watched for a moment feeling a little awkward at interrupting but knowing that if he turned to leave he would undoubtedly make a noise. He tried to sound jolly, although he knew the mood which would meet him;

"Found you! Thought you'd left me for good!"

Snape jumped but recovered quickly, straightening a little before leaning back on the wall.

"I doubt any attempt to leave you would be successful, you do seem to be able to find me wherever I try to hide."

"Why are you trying to hide? Not from me I hope…I can leave…"

"No, not from you. Just getting some air, don't I spend too much time 'cooped up' as I remember?"

"Yes, you do. So…"

"So. Was there anything specific you wish to discuss, or may I continue to lose myself in the past in comfort?"

"I'm not so sure that's a good place to go, but as I have nothing to discuss, I guess it will have to do."

"So kind."

The sarcasm passed Lupin nearly un-noticed.

"Tell me about it?"

"What?"

"The past, we do share some you know; I'm as up for a stroll through the memories as the next man."

"Not these sort of memories. They're not the sharing type. You wouldn't like them."

"I thought so. Was it something I said last night? You were doing a great job of looking after me, -oh don't look like that you were! - and then I was knocking and no-one was home. Did you know the Webley girl? Was it that?"

"Only from school, same as you. Truth be told Lupin I think it was the fact that I _didn't _know her which bothers me. Only six months ago I was aware of every Death Eater initiated and they knew of me."

"Well, I'm not sure what the problem is, I mean, do you miss them?"

Snape thought hard, frown deepening;

"Not _them_, more _it_."

Lupin couldn't help the small shocked intake of breath, Snape's head jerked toward him;

"No! That came out wrong. Don't start thinking I miss the…activities…more that I was involved, useful. I have spent my entire adult life being very useful, regardless of sides or politics, I was needed and _useful_! Now suddenly I am not. It is not pleasant."

"I shan't state the obvious about your current uses."

"I would appreciate that," he a waved a hand dismissivly, "this mood shall lift. It is hard to keep it away when every night is a reminder and _He_ still lets me know He is around…"

"He still summons you? Surely he can't possibly think you'd respond… Does the head know?"

"Only when he's bored I'm sure. And I'm sure he has no hope of me returning, nor are you to tell Albus. It is nothing I can not cope with."

"I don't like it Severus."

"Neither do I particularly"

They both bowed their heads and a heavy silence settled, broken only when Snape rose;

"Come on, its nearly lunch time and you need to eat."

"Still mothering Severus?" teased Lupin,

"Shut it or I'll stop and you can get locked in the infirmary."

"And miss your sunny personality? No fear. I'll behave. After you," he started to follow Snape to the stairs and couldn't help himself saying;

"It works both ways this friendship lark you know, anytime you want someone to rant at about the unfairness of it all feel free, I shan't take it personally."

"You may regret saying that Lupin, I have rather perfected the art of 'rant' you realise."

"Oh I know, but I'm a brave man…"

Snape started down the stairs, finger tips brushing the wall and muttering over his shoulder as he descended;

"Or just plain mad."

Lupin chuckled.

-0o0o0-

........The castle was sleeping, still and strong, unbending to the forces surrounding her. In his bed, thick fur throw tangled about himself, Severus Snape closed his eyes and listened. The thunder reverberated from the thick stone walls around him, and echoed against the rain lashed trees of the Forbidden Forest. In his bed though, warm, and for the moment at peace, he couldn't help thinking the memories the weather gave to him were like a gift. And he couldn't help the smile…

Albus Dumbledore stood atop the Astronomy tower looking out in awe at the spectacle before him where forks of lightening disappearing into the inky depths of the lake, his mind was absent by some twenty some years, remembering the look of wonder which crossed the small dark face normally so devoid of emotion. And he smiled…

Remus Lupin woke with a start, he'd been having the weirdest dream, there were fire works and Severus with no shirt and a lightening bolt scar across his chest…A deep rumble followed by a loud crack brought him back to the present and he sleepily summoned his wand, flicking it at the curtains to draw them apart. He arranged himself in his bed, mountain of pillows and decadent layers of bedding pooled about himself, into such a position that he could better watch the display for free. He thought of Severus and smiled…


	8. Chapter 8

Next!

Thankyou to those who have reviewed the last few chapters, I hope people are still enjoying it.

Only a short one!

CHAPTER EIGHT

........The year pressed on uneventfully, lessons were learnt and detentions handed out to those who had not learnt them sufficiently. The pupils were settled into their routines and the first years had quickly got the hang of trying to wrangle points out of the generous teachers and were keeping their mouths shut around those prone to taking them away.

Likewise, the teachers were getting the measure of their new wards, a transfiguration whiz here and a herbology natural there, even Snape had, in a very unusual move that shocked the rest of the faculty, admitted to not having an entirely useless bunch of idiots this time around. Soon it was the weekend before the school broke up for the Christmas holidays and it was time to decorate the halls and dress the tree, all the children were banished to their dorms as was tradition, the finery being revealed at that evenings meal. Snape and Lupin had been given the task of going into the forest to find Holly and Mistletoe, ("Why, are they lost?" Lupin had quipped, earning a groan from the entire faculty.) and on one crisp but grey Saturday afternoon they returned to the hall, arms full and noses and cheeks ruddy.

"Ah! My boys thank you, perfect! Did you have to go far?"

"Not at all, Albus." replied Snape, who, having dumped his armful, was making his careful way to the top table and the large bowl of mulled wine placed there earlier by the elves. "Lupin?" he called; "Wine?"

Lupin smiled;

"Please! I'm frozen."

"Is it that cold out?" asked McGonagall, wrestling with a large 'Merry Christmas' banner which was threatening to engulf her. "I've been wrapped up in here all day, sorting through students travel arrangements. Not one staying here! I can't remember the last time that happened and I can't say I'm not a little relieved. A peaceful time for those of us remaining!"

Lupin smiled; "It's absolutely freezing. Nice though. Providing you have gloves…" he growled the last at Snape who merely rolled his eyes.

"If you have the metabolism of a Lycanthrope, you may call it 'nice'. Otherwise, Minerva, my advice is; lock the doors and stay in." groused Snape as he returned with two steaming mugs. He passed one over and Lupin wrapped his slightly numb fingers around it. McGonagall was about to scold Snape, when Lupin let out a small laugh;

"Living in the dungeons has turned you soft, Severus. That's all." Everyone hushed, awaiting the biting come back they were used too, but none came, instead, a small twitch of Snape's lip and a very conversational;

"You spend a winter down there and _then _say that."

Stunned, McGonagall turned to Dumbledore who was beaming from ear to ear, and shrugged, nobody was used to hearing the Potions Master say anything even slightly resembling a joke, and that had been practically jovial. The head clapped Snape on the back, causing his wine to slosh alarmingly;

"That's the spirit! Now, the tree!"

The over excited head hurried off towards the monster of a tree , McGonagall's face cracked into a wide beam and Lupin almost laughed at the grin on Flitwicks face. They all followed over, save Snape who rolled his eyes and planted himself on a seat blowing on his wine to cool it, just as Hagrid lumbered through the door lugging two giant travelling chests with him. A string of shiny glass beads poked their way through one end, looking for all the world like they were trying to escape;

"I'm 'ere! I've got the blighters! Couldn't 'ave a tree with no decorations could we! Did think I'd lost 'em for a mo, but then remembered they was in the dungeons. Don't know how anyone finds anything down there, some funny things in dark corners if you ask me…"

Everyone looked at Snape who had stopped blowing, and had a surprised look on his face at the thought of sharing living space with boxes of tinsel. He growled;

"The dungeons are a large space. I do not keep track of every thing, there's a lot of free rooms…" Lupin laughed out loud this time, and turned back to the tree.

"Headmaster…" Snape had set the mug down and crossed his leg over his knee, giving the impression to Lupin that he was over-seeing the proceedings. Or that they were all in detention. "Would it not be easier if you were simply to decorate by magic?"

"Oh much Severus. We do the corridors and ceilings that way. But the staff _always_ do the tree by hand."

"Oh." Snape looked thoughtful. "I didn't know that."

Dumbledore smiled sadly;

"You were always too busy…"

"I imagine I was." replied Snape shortly, although he didn't recall doing what. Lupin un-gracefully dumped an armful of tinsel into his lap.

"You can help this year…"

"Whilst the sentiment is appreciated, I would rather just let you all…"

"Now, Severus," cooed McGonagall, the warm wine going to her head as she draped a piece around his neck, "don't be the Grouch."

Snape pulled it off and growled, before going very quiet. Dangerously softly he said;

"I really would be much happier sat here. Let Lupin help you, he has enough Christmas cheer for us both." he scooped up the sparkly strands as best he could and held them out towards where Lupin had been, once relieved he firmly crossed his arms before he could be handed anymore. A deep thoughtful look had passed over him, ringing faint alarm bells with Lupin who, having seen it many times before, tried to change the mans mood before he started brooding.

"Are you going to let the students decorate the lab this week?"

Snape snorted and rolled his eyes;

"Don't be ridiculous. Let me guess, all the other teachers have let them…"

"Yes" muttered McGonagall and Flitwick in unison. Vector said;

"We have let them loose in the common room."

"Have _we? _I thought _we'd_ agreed it was a distraction."

"No, _you _thought it was a distraction, _I _thought it was a bit of fun. Just because you walked into a hanging decoration and got in a flap…"

"And I suppose you think that's…"

"No, I just want…"

Lupin, stood frowning between the two, interrupted and tried again;

"Oh well, I suppose it would be impractical with all the flames and such. Imagine what could happen if a bit if tinsel landed in a cauldron!"

"Precisely. Unless of course, I am not fit to run my lab either…"

Vector had to refrain herself from sticking her tongue out at the glowering man, and Lupin, knowing it would be him who had to suffer the bad mood of the other through all next week, turned her around physically and pushed her toward McGonagall, muttering;

"Go help Minerva with the baubles. Severus, can you help me with…"

"No."

Lupin, knowing when to leave the other to his sulk, simply shrugged;

"Ok."

Dumbledore, however, was not happy to have anyone not fully in the spirit of things and called from the other side of the tree;

"Severus, I could use you over here…"

Muttering curses under his breath, Snape rose and cautiously stepped round the prickly green pine, people pulling boxes of stars hastily out of his way. As he got to the heads side, he was handed two house pennants, which were being hung randomly all over.

"Now, we have rather more on the other side I think we need some here. Would you be so kind my child? You have a taller reach than me. They are Slytherin…" Snape, going pink, aware that everyone was watching him, thrust an annoyed hand forward and attempted to convince a sprig that it wanted to hold one. Everyone began to chatter again, and nobody noticed when it parted company with the bouncing fir and landed on the floor. Snape frowned, and turned to Dumbledore;

"I do not think I have enough…experience in this area to be of assistance…"

"Nonsense!" said the twinkling old man a little too enthusiastically as he picked it up and pressed it back into the others hands; "It really needs no expertise." Lupin, watching his friend's expression go from merely embarrassed, which he knew Snape did not do well at the best of times, to angry humiliation, positioned himself between them and went to take it from Snape to hang. Before he could though, Snape's other hand clenched into a fist, and in a very quiet strained voice, which somehow managed to make every other person in the room stop and watch, said;

"It does, however, require something I have not got. I assure you, it is not easy to hang a blasted ornament on a blasted moving, prickly branch when you can not see said branch, or said ornament for that matter, and aside from having no desire to do so, I fail to see why, other than for pities sake, you have included me in this. If I was not required to help in the past, I certainly am not helpful now," his voice rose, and bad mood boiling over, he practically snarled at the Head, "that I can not see! Whilst I appreciate you all need something to laugh at, I refuse to be it!" The stunned teachers were silent as he turned, cautiously stepped clear (he hoped) of the decorating debris, and stormed out of the room. As McGonagall and Dumbledore rose to follow him, wearing matching worried expressions on their faces, Lupin caught their arms, and shook his head.

"Leave him a while; I'll go in a bit. Once he's calmed down."

"Remus, I…" sputtered Dumbledore.

"I know, he's a little touchy. He'll be angrier with himself than you right now, believe me. Now, these pendants, where do you want them?" The conversation slowly picked up, and soon they were all watching Flitwick levitate the star, letting out a cheer as it successfully perched on the top.

-o0o0o-

........"I didn't handle that terribly well, did I?" Snape was setting up the lab for Monday's first lesson with the O.W.L students and paused by the supply stores as Lupin walked in.

"They'll get over it."

Snape went very quiet, and Lupin moved to his side;

"What are they brewing?"

"'Draught of Peace'. I need to make sure no one uses too much Hellebore, they shall need to watch for a dark pink. It should be light. Like…"

"Strawberry ice cream?" ventured Lupin, with a smile.

"If you like." said Snape, still quiet. He continued setting out the lab, and when it was finished, got the tea pot from the store, put it on his desk, conjured a small flame and went for mugs. Lupin, taking it that he was included in the tea drinking, added a second chair to the desk, and sat, waiting. When Snape returned, he had a frown on his face.

"Do the teachers really do the tree every year?"

'Ah' thought Lupin. "I suppose, we did when I was teaching, I can't imagine Albus not actually."

"No, neither can I. Daft old thing."

"He's worried about you."

"Why? Because I had a tantrum and stormed out?!"

"No, because he thinks he has hurt you."

"Only my pride." said Snape with a sigh. "Vector will laugh herself to sleep. I shall apologise."

"Good, I think he needs that." Things went quiet as the tea was poured, and Lupin warmed his hands around his mug, the Dungeons _were_ cold. "No body laughs at you, you know."

"Oh I know." Sarcastic normalcy resumed.

"Really?" probed Lupin, carefully.

"It just seems that they do. Vector has a way of annoying me I thought reserved for sixth year know-it-alls."

"She means well."

"Mm. I suppose I am as paranoid as Albus says."

"This is hard for other people, you know."

"What is?"

"This. You loosing your sight. They're all so used to being cautious around you for fear of an unwarranted comeback that they are now doubly so given that they might actually say something to genuinely upset you and not just something to be misconstrued. Give them time to get used to it."

"How much time can they need? I managed!"

"Not as well as you make out though."

"Lupin…" he growled, and then stopped. He let out a sigh and when he spoke all the fight had left his voice causing Lupin to panic a little. He set his mug down. "I have grown accustomed to having you around; I tell you things I could not imagine telling anyone else. Even Albus. I have, for the first time in a _very_ long time, a friend I can rely on.

As much as that worries me. If I told you every time I had a doubt, every worry or…fear… you would run away and hide. There are rather a disturbing amount of them these days."

Lupin made to protest and was stopped by a hand raised. "I am aware that you seem to have an un-canny ability to read me and know what's going through my mind, and I find it a…" he searched for the word,"…comfort, I suppose, that I can have these…moments… around you without risk of ridicule. If ever I am as rude to you as I was to Albus today, feel free to slap me. Though realise this." his tone turned stricter; "I tell you things in confidence. Please do not tell Albus and the others. If for one moment they knew what you knew, I would be removed from my duties, I am sure. I need my work."

"I know you do. I would never…"

"I know. Ignore me, I am tired." he drained his cup and stood. "Extinguish the flame when you leave."

"Good night, Severus."

"'Night Remus."

Lupin sat a long time watching the flame before spelling it out and leaving the room.


	9. Chapter 9

That last one was only short, and Ididn't want Visitkarte to despair of the chatter!

Sooo, still chatter, but like I said, what relationship, in its first days, isn't filled with chatter. Sometimes pointless, sometimes deep and sometimes just plain silly.

Christmas!

Same disclaimer.

Same plea.... feed me...

CHAPTER NINE

........Lessons continued all week with no major hic-cups. The strawberry coloured potion was, in the main part, the correct colour, and as Christmas drew nearer, the students got steadily less able to concentrate until the last day of term, when Snape relented, and allowed himself to be talked into teaching them a potion which, when thrown into the air, turned into sparkling white snow that could be used on trees and gardens. (And, with the addition of a different root and taken internally, could be used to freeze a man slowly to death from the inside out, but he thought it best not to tell them that. 'It was a very rare root' he told himself.)

No, the week passed smoothly, the only surprise coming on the last day, when after the leaving meal, Snape and Lupin had returned to the labs to tidy up to find two piles of cards, one for each of them. After Snape's primary reaction of miss-trust, where by he insisted on throwing several jinx detecting spells at them, he deemed them safe and they sat down with a pot of tea while Lupin read them all out until he got to the sixth years. Here they found that someone had charmed them to read their own messages. Snape smirked at Lupin;

"That has Miss Granger written all over it."

"She really is very clever."

"Worrying, isn't it."

When they had finished the tea, Lupin had noticed the small smile stay for most of the evening.

-0o0o0-

........Christmas morning had dawned bright, cold and clear, with an even covering of snow. When Snape had not turned up for breakfast, Lupin made his excuses for him, having had a very strong feeling that he wouldn't. Dumbledore had not seemed surprised, saying he never had attended Christmas meals in all the years he had been there. So, when it was finished and small gifts exchanged between staff, Lupin headed down to the dungeons where he found Snape stood in front of a window that had not been there earlier, glaring almost angrily at it for existing pointlessly. Lupin frowned, not wanting to start the morning in a melancholy way. He said lightly;

"Interesting. Sudden window appearance. Is it localised, or should I be worried when I take a shower?"

"Good morning Lupin. A simple charm Albus once taught me. I don't know why I cast it...I was wandering, has it snowed?"

"Yep, a proper Christmas card day. Happy Christmas by the way."

"Like wise. Is it real snow, or has our resident Christmas fairy been up to his tricks again?"

"No, I think it's real. Have you had breakfast?" at Snape's nod he carried on; "Well how about a walk in it then after you've opened your gifts…"

Snape turned, confused.

"Gifts?"

"Good grief, here, sit. And get rid of that window, its cold enough down here without me having to look at the snow!"

"I haven't got you anything, I never expected…nobody exchanges gifts with me, I wasn't brought up to expect presents, I'm sorry, I should have thought…"

"Severus! Stop! I didn't bring you these to start a bloody melancholy depression. Just sit down and open them!" Snape looked confused, but sat and fiddled with his hands as Lupin fetched in two parcels in shiny paper.

A soft fluffy dressing gown. Black, of course. And matching socks.

"Well, as you say, try spending a winter down here. You always look cold. And I know you don't sleep too good…Being warm might help…"

"How do you know?"

"Remember the Dreamless Sleep? Poppy had to alter it. You were resistant…"

"But not dependant!"

"She said. Quite a feat. It is highly addictive."

"I know, I came close once." said Snape with a grimace. "But back to the matter in hand… Thank you. They are very thoughtful."

"I'm pleased you like them. I also got you this…"he passed over a second fancily wrapped box, and Snape looked shocked.

"I really wasn't expecting you to get me anything."

"Well, 'I saw this', as they say."

"Who says?"

"It's a muggle saying. 'I saw this and thought of you'."

"Oh." He began to tear at the paper, revealing a smooth wooden box. He ran his hands over it, fingers carefully drinking in the grain of the wood. He found a catch, and sprang it open.

"This feels expensive, Remus." It was almost a chastisement. Almost.

"Well now I have a proper home again…" a smile was plastered on his face, he had seen it weeks ago, and bought it without even thinking about the price, knowing it would be perfect.

Snape's hands explored the chequered inside, realisation crossing his face. As he picked up one of the carved stone pieces, a bright cheery voice said;

"Black Knight!"

Snape almost dropped it in shock. He replaced it, picking another,

"White Pawn!" came a different voice. Snape put the piece back, and turned his face toward Lupin.

"I don't know what to say."

"Say you like it! That'll be a start. And then I believe the words are 'would you like a game, Remus old friend'…"

"Really, I…" Snape looked very different for a moment, and Lupin wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry at the expression on his face. Instead, he lifted the board out and further explained;

"They call out their names, position and where they have moved to. It is warded too, in case anyone tries to cheat. And you can reduce the volume, I made sure of that. They seem to me to sound a little excitable. Maybe they will calm down with use…" he trailed off, Snape still looking slightly stunned.

"You ok Severus?"

Snape shook himself a little, and gave his small, half smile to Lupin. The nearest to a grin he got.

"Yes, Remus, sorry. It is… perfect. Thank you. I feel awful, not getting you anything, it's just, I have never done Christmas…"

Lupin, not wanting to re-visit the awkward conversation they had had when he first presented Snape with the gifts quickly countered him;

"Really Severus, you keep me supplied with mugs of tea and a few decent games of chess, and it's more than a gift. Are you black or white?" at the look from Snape he groaned, "I should have known." The walk forgotten, both men settled back as Lupin arranged the pieces.

-0o0o0-

........The room was full of people. Staff, families and half of Hogsmeade had converged on Hogwarts for the traditional New Years Eve party. Music was playing loudly and Snape had lost track of time and almost place. He had retreated to a seemingly out of the way corner and fixed his best 'leave me alone' scowl on his face when the room erupted with a chorus of;

"Ten! Nine! Eight!"

He scowled some more and crossed his arms, preparing to leave just as soon as the chimes had finished when on the cheer following "One!" an unknown pair of hands pushed his shoulders back and lips planted them selves firmly on his cheek. Before he came to his senses they were gone as was the scowl. Indeed, he thought he probably still looked shocked enough that when Lupin came, predictably late, to offer his blessings he could only manage a barely coherent splutter which resulted in his being escorted home supposed drunk…

-0o0o0-

........"_You have betrayed me once too often."_

"_I am not afraid to die."_

"_I know. You would probably welcome it." _

_The black clad figure knelt in the stone room, breathing ragged, eyes defiantly upturned._

"_But then, who said anything about dying. You still dare met my eyes?"_

"_I dare."_

_The tall thin figure stood before him leant forward, until he was filling the vision of the other. Shadowy hooded forms started to move in behind._

"_Then I shall be what you see for eternity, traitor." _

_A wand raised to point between the knelt mans eyes, a whispered incantation and….._

…nothing. Stillness. Darkness. The darkness which he had come to accept as home through the past months. His breath still ragged, skin clammy, cold. Heart still pounding. He felt sick, but knew that if he were to rise to get a drink of cold water that he would fall, faintness swimming threateningly around him. And, if he were honest, he was worried what would be out there, maybe one day those red eyes would be in the corner…watching… 'He had been right,' thought Snape, 'still the thing I see.'

He knew when he closed his eyes that the snake like face with its red eyes would find him, not always approach him sometimes just watching, but he could see it every time he lay down at night, just in the corners of his mind. He knew he would see it forever, and it scared him. A lot. Lying back down he forced his breathing to slow, and the death grip he had been clutching the covers with to relax. He hated this in himself; he was Severus Snape for pities sake, Death Eater double agent, feared by men and children, who needed no one and help from no man. "Who am I kidding." he muttered.

Feeling a little calmer, he swung his legs over the edge of the bed, waited for the faint dizziness to pass, and made his way slowly to the bathroom, where he drew a glass of water and lent on the wall. In the living room, there was a splutter and a crack, Snape's heart leapt, Death Eaters apperating having foiled the wards? The Dark Lord coming to finish what he started? Those red eyes will look round the door any second… he dropped his glass, not hearing it smash, his whole body stiffening, painfully tense. Waiting. Nothing. No Death Eaters, no Dark Lord. Probably a log shifting in the grate. Just a damp foot and broken glass to stand in. He sagged, and all strength leaving him he slid down the wall until he was sitting, a shadow amongst many, on the wet tiles. He let his head drop and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, pushing them hard enough to make them hurt. 'Better than seeing the eyes' he thought.

As he brought them away, he was not surprised to find them wet, and he wrapped his arms instead around his legs, allowing himself the luxury that was to weep gently until he fell asleep.

-0o0o0-

........He woke late, stiff and cold, it being the Christmas holidays there were no classes and therefore he had not set an awake ward. He was still tired, and he wandered why he had woken. He also wandered where he was and why he was sitting on a slightly wet floor. In what appeared to be his bathroom. Then he remembered and shuddered. The knock at the door which he now realised must have been what awoke him came again, and he numbly listened to it twice more before hearing;

"If you don't open the door I'm coming in, I have the counter wards, remember!"

Lupin.

Blast.

He had a choice to make, he realised. He could sit here, Lupin did indeed have the counter wards, Snape had given them him under duress 'in case of emergency', was this an emergency? He wasn't sure. He could wait to be found. And fussed over and mothered and generally annoyed.

Or, he could answer the door, pretend he had slept through the banging and hope Lupin would believe him. He doubted it. Sighing, he rose to his feet and took a step in his black fluffy socks…straight onto half a broken glass. He swore before he could help himself, and sat back down rather suddenly as he heard the door swing open to the accompaniment of the counter wards. As he peeled off the sock and gently explored the damage with finger tips, Lupin hurtled through the door at a great rate of knots;

"Where have you been! I've been knocking…what have you done! Where's the blood from?!"

Snape fixed him with what he hoped was a suitably annoyed glare.

"Me, obviously."

The sarcasm assuring Lupin that it probably wasn't life threatening', 'Though his last words will be some sarcastic jab at someone…' he thought as he responded equally sarcastically;

"More specifically would be nice."

"My foot," growled Snape, "I dropped a glass…"

"Let me look."

"I'm fine."

"Let me look!"

Snape sat back with a sigh and closed his eyes as Lupins wand traced the circular cut. He tried really hard but couldn't help but jerk his foot away a little.

"Hold still. It doesn't hurt."

"Mmmffer" muttered Snape.

"Pardon?"

"I said, 'no, but it tickles.' Repeat that and you die."

"Not to a living soul. Right," an added; "'Repario!'" at the glass, "that's sorted. Should be fine to walk on."

Snape stood, testing Lupins handy work.

"Where did you learn that?"

"I'm a Werewolf. It comes in handy."

"I'm sure, but where did you learn it?"

"Oh. My Mother. She knew I would have to hide at times and wanted me to be prepared." Lupin looked at the man now clad in dressing gown and one sock, and noticed for the first time the haggard face.

"Why do you look so awful?"

"Well that's nice."

"Sorry, Morning Severus! How are you! Now, why do you look so awful? And you're shivering, get by that fire now, I'll make breakfast. Where's the Elf. Well?"

"Well what? The Elf or my 'awful' appearance?"

"You. Seriously Severus, you look rough."

"Didn't sleep well. You know how it is. Can't get comfy, can't stop thinking." 'And when I do,' he added silently, 'it's red eyes everywhere.'

They entered the living room and Lupin pushed Snape onto the settee before summoning an elf and ordering breakfast. The elf gone, the room lapsed into silence. Snape sat with a scowl on his face whilst Lupin studied him. They both jumped when the elf popped back into the room and presented them with warm toast and pots of jam. Lupin gently stirred tea and buttered the toast with a look on his face which Snape would have been worried by had he of been able to see it as it was clear Lupin was deep in thought about the man before him. Tea made he reached a conclusion in his thoughts and, taking a deep breath for courage he sat next to Snape on the faded leather settee which creaked its protest at the weight and he tentatively touched the tired mans arm, gaining his surprised and slightly wary attention. His voice gentle he took another deep breath and, swallowing his fear of rebuttal, went with his gut feelings;

"Personally, I find it hardest when I dream. It's always the same," he felt Snape go stiff next him, and could almost hear his heart beat speed up. He pushed on, carefully watching the dark eyes for warning of the expected outrage or bolting. Seeing none he continued; "they're chasing me, I'm only young, can't escape, then when they catch me, I think its ok, because it's not _him_, who I think it is. Then I feel like I can't breath, because its worse, because its…" his voice had taken on a shaky tone, and he dragged in a breath, never having told anyone that who he sees biting him in his dream wasn't Greyback, but Padfoot, with snarling fangs and blood dripping, and Sirius's human eyes, and that he awakes screaming at him to stop, that he has the wrong person…"when I look I see it's,"

"Lupin, stop. I do not need to know. Not if you don't want to say. Again you have rather un-unnervingly read me correctly. Guilty as charged. I do not sleep, I just see his eyes. I am working on a new Dreamless variant. It does not matter."

"What does not matter? The dreams?" at Snape's nod he half laughed. "Of course it matters. You need to sleep! Everyone, even the great Severus Snape needs to sleep!"

"Don't call me that. I'm not even remotely great. Can't sleep, hear things in the dark, which is quite a problem when your whole world is dark believe me, become so weak that you pass your ward counters onto, well, you!"

"What you see as weak is what other people take for human. That's _why_ we used to call you the Great Severus Snape! He of no Human Needs! Sarcastically granted, but you used to float around, all dark and angry and mysterious, needing no-one, hating everyone…"

"And now look at me. Sat shivering, a nervous wreck in fluffy socks,"

"Sock."

"Pardon?"

"Sock, the other is still in the bathroom."

"Great, wearing one sock, about to spill my guts to a Werewolf, no insult meant,"

"None taken."

"all because of a silly dream and broken cup! Pathetic!"

"No," Lupin squeezed the arm again, and moved the hand up to push the curtain of hair back behind its ear, an incredibly intimate gesture he had seen Dumbledore do once or twice, one which he hoped wasn't overstepping a mark he couldn't currently see. As he rested his hand on the tense shoulder, he was almost proud he hadn't been hexed or cursed, so pressed on quietly. "not pathetic. You can be called many things, but pathetic is not one of them."

"A coward?" The genuine concern in the voice made Lupin roll his eyes;

"No! After all this?!"

"When I was summoned I knew that was it, knew it was time. Nobody spoke to me and normally they are grovelling little… well, it was silent. When he confronted me, I was glad. Glad it was going to be over. I was tired of pretending, of keeping two Masters sweet. I just wanted to be me. If I could remember what 'me' was…Even when I thought he was about to kill me, well, to be honest, I was relieved. I knew it would be painful, nothing he does ever isn't, he's good at pain, but so am I. But when he said he wasn't going to kill me, I was scared. Really scared. I was a coward."

"No, not a coward." Lupin kneaded the shoulder, wanting to hug the man as Sirius and James used to hug him when he awoke from the dark world of his dreams but afraid that he would break Snape's flow. And whilst he knew Snape needed to tell this to someone, and he was secretly glad it was him, he was also slightly sickened to realise that with a morbid curiosity he _wanted_ to know and he felt a strange sort of pride that it _was_ him he was telling.

Snape took a deep breath before continuing;

"I was, I think. For certain, I was scared at that point more than I have ever been. He has punished me many times, he likes to punish, he is good at it, and I was not scared of that, but a lasting punishment? I thought, actually, that he would take my hands. To stop me ever being able to brew, or something that would cause eternal pain, a lasting reminder. I knew it would not be insanity, even as I could see him thinking Crucio, I knew he would want me to be able to understand my punishment. When he first muttered it, I was ready; I lay quiet and took it, like he liked me to,"

Lupin let out a half dis-believing laugh, half sob, but Snape didn't hear.

"and as it went on, a small part of me was able to think. To almost analyze the pain. It really hurt!" he sounded oddly shocked, "I mean, really! I felt it building up behind my eyes, that's when I knew what he was doing, localising it, I've seen it done a lot, one of his favourite tricks, he can make eyeballs implode, or limbs split and blood boil, he really is very very powerful and disturbingly clever…"

He glanced in Lupin's direction, the others hand still kneading the shoulder, slowing only slightly as the dark eyes looked straight through him, "I have to tell you, and I understand if you leave, but I knew exactly what he was doing because I have done it also. Keep up the pressure just long enough. Split second timing. As soon as you feel the optic nerve sever, you have to stop else they will go mad… I was lucky, he didn't want me mad. Just something to make me weak…"

"Not weak_, never_ weak." Lupin shook the man gently, "Just human." Snape smirked mirthlessly.

"They are the same thing to him. I am weak, I am needy and I am a coward. Everything he knew I detested in people, he has made me. That is my punishment. And seeing those red eyes every time I sleep, that's just his way of laughing at me. Reminding me. I'm sorry Remus. Not a pleasant start to the morning. I guess you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sorry." he shoved his hands deep into his lap, partly to try and warm them, partly to hide the tremble. He was momentarily startled when Lupin dragged him roughly into a fierce hug that threatened to stop him breathing, but he found he didn't mind all that much and very nearly relaxed.

-0o0o0-

........"Mr Weasley! May I remind you that not ten minutes ago I instructed you to keep to the same seating arrangements, _now return! _Why must we go through this debacle _every lesson_!_"_

Ron, muttering under his breath and turning a deep shade of red which Snape knew he would have enjoyed seeing retraced his sneaked steps to his original place and sat with a clatter, arms crossed and scowling. The Slytherins smirked, and the Gryffindors shared looks of puzzlement and worry.

Since the beginning of the school year Snape had managed to not only uphold his reputation as the most feared professor in Hogwarts history, he had actually increased it slightly by discovering a talent for locating people purely by their voices, thereby catching many in the wrong seat or table, and causing a rumour of his using dark magic to 'see' things.

This, as far as he thought, could only be a good thing. The headmaster had had other thoughts though, warning him that a reputation for dark magic would only lead him to trouble, and that now he was no longer spying, wouldn't he enjoy being "a little…kinder?" Snape had glared at him, a practised glare which Lupin assured him still held its own, and quietly informed his mentor that he "did not do 'kind' to "spoilt little upstarts who sneak around his classes."

...........There had only been one notable problem so far, first lesson back after Christmas he had just finished a particularly scathing attack on the first years essays and must have, in hindsight, over done it a little as a nervous Hufflepuff doing his practical had unknowingly turned his laughing potion into a crudely done yet entirely adequate example of 'Bloodfire', and been too scared to mention to the indomitable professor that his batch was not 'pearly white' when he sampled it, but a deep purple.

The ensuing chaos which followed the boy's agony was only quelled when Snape, having un gracefully shoved a Bezoar down the boy's throat, carefully sampled the potion and located the appropriate antidote. Later, after sending he boy to Poppy and dismissing the class he looked his doors and collapsed behind his desk with a shudder having been terrified by the experience. In all the time since he had lost his sight, it had never threatened to hurt anyone other than himself. As much as he claimed to not like the children, he was not normally by nature a cruel man, and knew first hand the power of and pain a potion could cause. The thought of the small boy suffering his blood approaching boiling point was drowned by the sudden anger that had he of been able to see, the potion would have been noticed, discarded and, undoubtedly, points deducted before it had even a chance of passing anyone's lips.

He angrily slammed a hand down on his desk, causing a vial precariously balanced by another student to fall from the edge. Hearing it smash, he forced himself to calm, and set about clearing it up. Realising he couldn't rely on the honesty of the students anymore he made a mental note to lecture them on the importance of answering all questions and describing all potions correctly from now on, as well as an aside about speaking up regarding their neighbours work. He sighed; maybe he _should_ be a little kinder. To the first years, anyway. He also frowned as he admitted that maybe having a pair of eyes in the room which could be relied upon to be truthful would be helpful and he reached into the pot of Floo powder in his drawer to talk with Dumbledore about a plan he had been thinking of for a while.


	10. Chapter 10

More... only a little one but some questions are answered, maybe, and Snape begins to realise something... hint hint.

Hope them who matter enjoy it and it doesn't irk those who don't!

Same disclaimer.

CHAPTER TEN

........"Why, may I ask, is Lupin still at the school?"

"I don't actually know."

"What? There is a Werewolf living in the building, and you, the headmaster, don't know why he is here? I find that a little hard to believe."

"Strange, isn't it? He was here originally as part of the party who looked for you, and, well, he just seems to have stayed. He is no bother, and I rather feel that having him around has been good for you…"

"Don't blame me for his presence! I never asked him to stay!"

"Because you wouldn't. Do you have a problem with him being here?"

"No. In fact, I may have come up with a bona fide reason for him. I had a small… miss-hap… in a first year class today."

"Anybody hurt?"

"Only temporarily."

Dumbledore's eyes widened as he rolled them, but he let Snape continue.

"It would appear the first years are too scared of me to admit when a potion is the wrong colour…"

"Severus, you're smirking."

Snape cleared his throat and straightened his face.

"As I was saying, a slight incident, the report shall be on your desk in the morning, but one which would have been averted had I have seen it. As such, I feel that it may be…helpful," he almost growled the last word out, "if there was a pair of functioning eyes present. Lupins, maybe?"

'Well well' thought the Head, 'Severus Snape not only asking for help, but from Remus Lupin of all people.' "Remus will be suitable?" he asked, half in jest.

"Quite. He has a basically sound knowledge of potions, and is not entirely annoying to have around. He knows when to keep quiet and would not interfere. Although he may have to curb his ridiculous mothering instinct some. Or face hexing."

That made Dumbledore open his eyes wide, and a chuckle left him;

"Very well, I shall ask him, I am sure he would welcome a genuine job around the place."

Snape frowned, and half hesitated before asking;

"Am I really the only reason he has been allowed to stay on?"

"If by that you mean is it the only reason_ I_ allowed him to stay, then no. If you mean is it the only reason _he_ has for staying, you should ask him."

Snape looked thoughtful, and nodded his departure. As he turned and made his way thoughtfully to the door of the office, Dumbledore smiled at his retreating back.

-0O0O0-

........"Why are you here?" Snape, blunt as always, caused the other wizard to jerk upright from where he had been relaxing on the settee in Snape's quarters, nearly spilling his Whisky. He spluttered a little, confused, before hesitantly answering;

"Because you invited me in?"

As Snape rolled his eyes and sighed, Lupin added, rising to his feet;

"I can leave! If you'd rather…"

"No you fool, I mean here, at Hogwarts, not here in my rooms. I know I invited you in, I have not suddenly become addled."

"Oh…" said Lupin, sitting again. "Well, I'm not sure, exactly. I mean, originally, just to find you. Now, well, I just… it's…" he sighed. "I'm not sure." He looked at Snape worriedly. "I don't think Dumbledore minds though; else he wouldn't have given me quarters. Has he said something?"

Noting the attempted hidden worry in Lupins voice, picking up subtle wavers in pitch and speech pattern being one of the more annoying things he had noticed himself doing lately, annoying as it now made it very hard to yell at someone when they were worried or upset, he instead found himself again lowering his voice and trying to calm the man;

"No nothing like that. He was simply as unsure as you are."

"Um, then why were you asking? If you don't mind me being here and all…"

"I merely requested that if you had no other official purpose, that you become my lab assistant, a pair of eyes around the place, keep an eye on the children's 'potions' and attempted mischief."

"Oh! Severus!" the smile was plain to hear, and it was all Snape could do to keep from returning it. "Yes, that would be, I mean, a proper job. Great! Thanks!"

When Snape replied, he had to concentrate very hard indeed on keeping the smile off his face.

"Calm down. It's only a job. Now, more Whisky, Professor Lupin?"

-0o0o0-

........Lupin knew there was something bothering the other, but had decided to bite his tongue, allowing the mug of tea to warm his insides and the blazing fire his outers. They had just returned from a walk through the Forbidden Forest, and whilst neither feared what may lurk in its depths, both were frozen from the late January weather. Snape had seemed pre-occupied, allowing himself to truly be led, a very rare thing, normally their walks were more of a gentle fight with Snape constantly pulling in one direction or the other when he had a 'feeling' they should go a different way. Once, after several weeks of this, Lupin had got so fed up with being nearly pulled into large puddles and narrowly avoiding trees, that he had swapped their positions.

"_Fine. You want to go that way, fine. You take us." he must have sounded cross, he noticed, as Snape actually looked slightly taken aback. For one moment he thought he would simply shrug Lupins hand off his shoulder and call him a 'blathering idiot', or some such , but then Snape had set his face into the blank, in-accessible mask that Lupin hadn't seen for quite sometime, and squared his shoulders._

"_Alright, I shall." He had set off, rather hesitantly, arms slightly held in front of him and trying to appear nonchalant. Things had gone fine for a short while, either Snape's internal radar keeping them out of trouble and mercifully away from trees, or, as Lupin suspected, pure luck. As they got deeper into the forest, Lupin had begun to relax, but he noticed Snape's breathing becoming sharper, his head moving quickly from side to side, looking for sounds he could not see. Lupin, worried that he had pushed his friend too far, sighed; he had come too far to back track now, he would have to let this happen and hope it ended happily with Snape gloating. Then, as they walked along the top of a bank, heading, Lupin thought, quietly impressed, for home, Snape had made a sudden right turn, felt his footing begin to go and slid, half on his side, half stood up, to the bottom, where he landed rather messily in a particularly muddy puddle and promptly sat down. _

"_Severus!" Lupin had shouted, as he negotiated the bank after him, and slid to an equally soggy stop next to him. With horror, he saw that the Potions Master face was streaked with silent, humiliated tears, and, deciding not to mention it he had pulled him to his feet. When up right, Snape had snatched his muddy grazed hand away not saying a word to Lupin as they scrambled back up the bank. Once at the top he had stiffly placed his hand on Lupins shoulder and glared angrily, all traces of tears gone and the mask firmly in place. It left Lupin feeling awful and he had muttered "Sorry" several times on the way home only to be met with stony silence. As he left Snape at the top of the dungeon stairs, he wandered who was hurting more, his friend at being humiliated or himself for causing it. He had cried a few tears of his own that night. _

Now, as he looked around, he was glad, in a way that it had happened. Snape had missed breakfasts for several days, blanked Lupin in all ways other than in an 'official capacity' and, judging from the sad looks Dumbledore had cast him, shared his side of the event with the head. And now, the need for companionship outgrowing the need for anger, they were back to how things were, with one slight difference. Snape still tried to lead whilst being led, but it was better than the quiet, almost pathetic man Lupin had managed to coax in to going walking with him again. At least Snape had now realised how things were, and to let himself be helped. And Lupin had learnt the art of helping without Snape knowing he was. Or at least he didn't think he knew he was, but he was never quite sure.

So, as they sat in a relaxed silence in front of the fire, he couldn't help but notice the expression on the other mans face was not the now usual, open one that nearly always accompanied tea these days. Growing tired of waiting for what ever it was the man was thinking to be said and having found a new ability to ask direct questions of him without being guaranteed a sarcastic come back he casually said;

"Are you going to tell me what's on your mind, or do I have to guess?"

Snape turned his face towards him and tilted his head slightly to one side. He seemed about to speak several times before changing his mind. Lupin sighed.

"Severus, we have, I feel, become friends these past few months, as shocking as that may seem, and if you have something on your mind, I wish you would tell me. Otherwise I imagine the most terrible things and will be forced to attempt to mother you." he said the last with a smile, it had become known throughout the castle, much to Snape's horror, that Lupin tended to fuss around him like a mother hen. When it failed to raise even a small scowl from the other, the smile changed to a frown. "Really Severus, what is it? You've barely said a word all night, and it's worrying me."

Snape sighed;

"You must not laugh Lupin or I shall hex you."

"Promise. When have I ever laughed at you?"

"Frequently."

"True, but not about anything serious, and this sounds serious."

"Not really actually..."

"Go on."

Snape put down his mug and lent forward. He started quietly;

"You know I am not a vain man."

"You have never struck me that way, no."

"Hmm. I am fully aware that I am not, exactly, attractive."

Lupin remained silent, not sure how to answer that.

"And although I neither _particularly_ care nor worry, I do take a certain amount of pride in my appearance. Managing, I think, to be smart and not entirely…how shall I put this…repulsive. You're laughing Lupin. I can sense the smirk."

"No no Severus, not at all. I promise."

"Really. This is an embarrassing conversation to be having, and if you're going to sit there being amused by me, I shall return to my tea."

"No, truly, Severus. I just can not think where this might be heading." he reached over and gently took the mug of tea out of Snape's hands that he had picked up again. "Please, continue."

"Very well. What I am getting at is, well, I have not seen my self for sometime now. I am aware of the capacity for scarring to be left by a prolonged Cruciatus concentrated to cause, well, external damage; I have many experiences with it myself. I also know how much damage was done _internally_at my last…meeting…with The Dark Lord." he took in a slightly shuddery breath.

"I am not aware, however, of any, outward scarring…changes… my eyes…" he stopped, unsure as to how to continue. Lupin, placed his own mug of tea on the table next to Snape's and moved over to sit next to him on the settee. He could feel his friend's unease at his proximity, and Lupin, for the hundredth time, wished he could get his hands on the so called Dark Lord who still managed to haunt the Potions Master. Lupin quietly and gently lifted a hand to Snape's face, and put a finger on his cheek bone, ignoring the flinch and wide eyes full of unease, and began to trace a faint scar that ran down his cheek onto his neck.

"This is the only scar on your face. It is fading rapidly; hardly visible now you have a bit of colour from the sun on you. We, that is, Madam Pomfrey, thinks it more likely from something whilst you were captive or self inflicted, rather than from the curse." he dropped his hand lightly onto Snape's shoulder as Snape asked;

"Self inflicted?"

"When you were, before you fully woke up, you would scratch at your eyes. I was told that you could not have scars healed magically. One of His legacies, it was never expanded on."

Snape, smiling a sad smile, explained;

"He cast charms, un-breakable charms, on us to prevent scar healing. They are, were badges of honour, and a warning to others."

"Oh. Lovely. The more I hear the more I like the man. Well, that is the only one, really, a few smaller ones on your cheek bones, but only noticeable if you are this close."

"And, my eyes?"

"Your eyes are completely un-changed. A little wide of the mark sometimes, but it gives the dis-quieting impression that you are, in fact looking directly into someone, not merely through them."

"That could be useful." Snape said, with a wry smile. He reached up and put a hand over Lupins. "Thank you. It has been on my mind for a while, and I feel you were the only one, really, I could ask."

"The Headmaster would have listened. Or Minerva."

"True, but only you would have…Merlin I can't believe I am saying this, friendship with you for such a short time is already turning me soft…only you would have touched me. It is important to me now you see. They would have told me, but I would still have thought myself, untouchable. Repulsive"

"I see. Then let me state quite clearly, Severus Snape, that you are" he lay his hand, warm from his reclaimed mug, along the others cheek, "quite touchable and entirely un repulsive."

Snape frowned, and very subtly nodded his head, gulping against the strange lump which seemed to be working its way up his throat.

"More tea, I think." he said, rising. Lupin caught his hand on the way up.

"There is something that has changed about your face."

Snape looked worried. Lupin squeezed the hand.

"You smile now. Others have noticed it too." he squeezed it again, "its nice." he finished, letting go. Snape's small smile appeared, and, nodding, he left to re-fill the pot.

-0o0o0-

........"Ah, Remus, come in. Tea?" at Lupins shake of his head, Dumbledore pressed on. "Just a quick word. About Severus." Lupins face fell. He had been giving what he had come to think of as his 'weekly report' to Dumbledore and McGonagall since Snape had been found, and he was tired of it, he hadn't kept it a secret from Snape who had quickly sussed out what Lupins weekly 'meeting for a cup of tea' whilst Snape was conveniently teaching was, and never passed on things out of turn, but it was wearing him and as their friendship became closer and conversations more personal he had begun to feel uncomfortable even hinting as to them. He also found it was beginning to annoy him. He was glad that they cared, or said they did though he had seen scant little evidence of it lately, and just wished they would pluck up the courage to ask Snape himself. Thankfully, the 'tea meetings' had stopped just before Christmas, and Lupin had hoped that was it. But as February nosed its way in here he was again…

"I can't really say too much, I have promised to keep things confidential…"

"Ah, so there are things bothering him." they shared a conspiring look; "We thought as much." The look changed to almost a triumphant one. McGonagall, who was sat opposite, also nursing a cup of tea, at least had the good grace to look slightly embarrassed.

Dumbledore continued; "We don't expect you to break any confidences, just let me know if there is ever anything we can do to make things easier for him.

"Of course I will."

"Yes, I think you would." a Scottish voice piped up with a smile; "Quite the mother hen, I hear, you seem to have our Severus well trained now, I remember a time when he wouldn't let anyone in his rooms, let alone confide in,"

"Well a lot has changed!" interrupted Lupin, a little louder than he had meant to. He continued quieter; "Someone needs to be there. It seems he is used to being conveniently forgotten about."

Lupin looked at the other two, narrowed his eyes in thought and bit his top lip, thinking. 'Well, 'Anything to help him' they'd said.' Fingers crossed Snape would never quiz them on this.

"You remember Christmas, with the tree?"

Dumbledore nodded, and McGonagall sighed.

"Well, it wasn't so much the fact that he didn't know how to dress a tree, it was more that everyone else had been doing it for years. Had you really never asked him?" Lupin felt anger building up again; he had pondered this thought often, and found no answer that would please him.

"I think it was more circumstance than not asking. The first year he was here, he was so wrapped up in the other business he had, that he was too busy to interrupt. I think I mentioned it once or twice, but he never did show up."

"Well he wouldn't. Albus, how long have you known Severus?"

"Since he was eleven."

"So a long time. It's just, with all due respect, Sir, and contrary to what I always believed, you don't appear to know him very well at all. Severus doesn't just 'show up' anywhere. I still have to practically invite him to breakfast every morning. He does not think people want him to just 'show up'." he was angry now, not entirely sure where he was heading with his rant but willing to let it carry on.

McGonagall cut in;

"He is not an easy man to get to know, Remus."

"Have you tried?"

"Yes, but,"

"No, have you_ tried_? If you have tried, and given up, then that's your loss. If you have tried, and not liked what you found, then fair enough. But if you have not tried, that's not fair. He deserves better."

"It seems you have tried and succeeded." he couldn't tell if her clipped Scots words were friendly or not, but he met her stare anyway.

"Yes, and as Severus's _friend_, if you have brought me here to ask me the things you dare not ask the man himself, I am done." he held her gaze until she looked away, his heart was thudding slightly, he had never had so much as a slightly cross word with either of them, even as a child. But he found their wanting him to 'report' back on Snape more than a little annoying, and wanted it to be over.

"Remus," Dumbledore suddenly sounded old. "I am sorry. Severus _is_ your friend, and we shouldn't ask you these things. He is, I know, fiercely loyal, and I see he has evoked that same loyalty in you. I am gladder for that than you will ever know; he would never let me get that close, for all the years of trying I have done. If you think you need to tell us anything at anytime, my door is open. If you think he needs to talk to me at any point, again, it's open. I, on the other hand, realise I should ask him more, but lately you seem to have his sole counsel and I have not been allowed close enough." noting the pained look that these words brought to Lupins face he gently added; "Oh it is more fitting, you are his age and see him as an equal, where as to me, he is more of a son if I am honest. Look after him, Remus. We are here to help. Tell him to use us."

"It is not me who should tell him, Sir. But I will pass it on. Good night." he left the room and headed to his room feeling better than he had for an age.


	11. Chapter 11

First things, a happy Imbolc to you all or if you aren't my way inclined simply a happy day of your choosing! Bad weather too, this is good...

WARNING, CUSTARD...

A longer one (chapter not custard) with a smattering of drama, oo er. To make up for the chatter filled shortness of yesterday!

Same disclaimer.

Dear Whitehound, I have been really thorough! I aim for a chapter with no list! (And a small flying pig...)

CHAPTER ELEVEN

........" You do realise what an absolute waste of time these meetings are don't you?"

"Shush. Its only an hour or so…"

"Only! Imagine the brewing that could be done in an hour or so! There are half of yesterday's papers to grade, and I'm sure I shall have to spend considerable time attempting to make head or tail out of half of them…"

"Relax. You have all weekend."

"Not if you have your way."

Lupin frowned and glanced at the man sat in the arm chair opposite him feeling a blush work its way across his face;

"What do you mean?"

"Weren't you pestering about trips to Hogsmeade or some other disturbingly outside activity?"

"I thought you'd refuse! Great! Yes! Hogsmeade it is!"

"You mean…"

"I had no hope of you actually agreeing!"

"Damn. If I were to change my mind?"

"Not a chance." He glanced around the room and up at the clock; "Where is everyone?"

"We are early."

"Evidently. Why?"

"Have you not noticed in all the years you have been in and out of this room that there are never enough chairs for teachers and the transfigured ones are never comfy. If I have to be here I insist on being here in comfort."

"You're getting soft Severus."

Snape snorted and crossed his arms. Glaring he snarled;

"Are you going to make a pot of tea or not?"

Sarcastically Lupin replied;

"How about a cup of tea Severus!?! Shall I make one?!?"

"That's better."

Lupin attempted a glare but it failed miserably and he was glad it couldn't be seen, he had been practising along with the sarcasm, finding Snape easier to deal with if treated with a little of his own medicine. However he was finding he didn't have the natural aptitude for spite, faked or otherwise, like the other man seemed to. Instead he stood and with a slight chuckle stated charming water just as the door opened and a rabble of teachers came in, some clutching books and parchments, others empty handed. Quickly the seats filled and as predicted by the time Lupin had equipped the table in the centre with several steaming pots and numerous mugs the only spare seat was at the head of the group, and obviously left for the only member of staff not present, the headmaster.

"Shall I be mother?" Lupin asked the group whilst ignoring the snort and muttered comment from Snape and began pouring drinks. As he passed the potions master his he noticed that he had sat a little straighter and the frown line between his eyes was deeper than what was now normal. He remembered from the year spent teaching Defence that Snape would be in the corner at these meetings, eyes scanning the room constantly and never drinking tea. Standing he lifted his mug and stood just behind the other man, leaning down to whisper a comment on Trelawney's outfit and the irate manner McGonagall was discussing something obviously of great importance with Madam Hooch in.

"Probably the next house match." Replied Snape, visibly relaxing just a little, glad that the other was next to him.

The hubbub stopped as Dumbledore walked in, all eyes focusing on the head.

In turn he acknowledged each of them, some with a nod and smile and others by name.

As he sat down he said;

"Good evening my friends! Before we begin I would like to bring to your attention to, and thank, Poppy. For the quick and efficient way in which she dealt with the sudden rash of sickness we had yesterday, I assure you I have found the culprits and will hand the names over to their Head of House shortly, Minerva would you kindly wait behind after,"

Lupin clipped Snape's shoulder as he snickered,

"and secondly we all owe our thanks to Severus," Snape gulped and, much to Lupins delight, turned brilliant red;

"Albus…" He warned, but was waved of with a flick of a hand,

"who instructed the kitchen elves in how to produce real custard for Wednesday's tea. Even the lumps were delightful! I certainly appreciated them."

Snape's face looked like thunder, his secret out, and a small chorus of;

"Thank you." And "very delicious!" Filled the room. Lupin for his part had to lean on the bony shoulder in front of him as giggles overcame him.

-0o0o0-

........Later that evening as the two men were companionably sipping yet more tea in Snape's quarters, Lupin gave a small laugh as the events of the meeting came back to him.

"What?" Snapped Snape, frown firmly back in place.

"Just thinking. About custard."

"Please don't. I can't believe he mentioned it."

"Why not? It was a nice thing you did. Surprising yes, but nice. People appreciate it you know, we all cringe at some of the culinary attempts of the elves."

"I assure you it was self preservation."

"Oh?"

Snape sighed and put his book down.

"You recall me spending several holidays here as a pupil?"

"Yes…Your parents were on business trips I remember?"

"What? Oh, was that what was said? I forget. Anyway. The reasons are unimportant. The elves, on the other hand, were instructed by a certain interfering head master to supply me with whatever homely food I asked for in an attempt to cheer me up, although I do not recall being nor can I think why I would have been, upset at being here. My request was custard. Simple. Cold, lumpy custard with a skin on it."

"Eugh! That's wrong!"

"Each to their own. Anyway, they never managed it. I forgot about it, lost my sweet tooth. Last week I had my first bowl of Hogwarts custard for years. It was terrible. So, I decided enough was enough. A brief talk with the elves…"

"You are a miracle worker. I did wander why yours was cold, and now I think it was the first time I have ever seen you have seconds of anything!"

"Indeed. Now. It is late…I have bared enough soul for one night…"

"Of course." Lupin rose and put on his jacket from across the back of the chair.

"See you tomorrow morning Severus."

"Good night Remus."

-0O0O0-

........Severus realised he had a problem on the last day of the May half term break. Lupin had gone away for longer than his normal monthly absence, the first time since Snape had been blinded, and Snape was horrified to find that not only did he miss the man, he was practically miserable because of it. As he sat in his quarters, fingers drumming on the arm of his chair as he tried to decide what to do, he found his thoughts drifting time and time again to Lupin, and the fact that it would be two more days before he returned. When Lupin had informed Snape he was going on a trip to see his Aunt, Snape had, naturally, told him not to hurry back on his account and, rather forcedly, to 'have a pleasant time'. Now it was all he could do to stop himself reaching for the Floo powder, yelling the man's name into the flames and practically begging him to return. Or enquiring as to when he was returning at any rate.

It annoyed him immensly that he should be so reliant on Lupin, annoying even that he had not realised until now that he was. It annoyed him even more that he wasn't as reliant on Lupin as he was through need, but more through choice. Want, even.

Their walks in the forest were, baring several minor incidents, pleasant, and though Dumbledore had stopped by several times to tempt Snape into a stroll, he found the idea to be less inviting with the Headmaster and had politely declined. Which was silly, as he had repeatedly told himself, as not only did he trust the Head implicitly, he was perhaps the person he cared most for still in this living world.

Perhaps.

The 'perhaps' annoyed him as much as the fact that he was having this conversation with himself at all.

The 'perhaps' _worried_ him.

Perhaps Lupin meant more to him than Dumbledore.

Perhaps he wasn't just missing the walking in the forests.

Perhaps it wasn't that he ate alone in his rooms, not wanting to sit at the high table without the oddly reassuring presence of the man next to him.

Perhaps he hadn't spent the past week miserably counting the days until his companion was home again.

Companion. Another word which, now he had thought it, worried him equally.

Companion was not a word you used for your once hated adversary, nor for the man whose constant mothering and good humour annoyed you incessantly. It was, worryingly, the word for some one whose company you not only enjoyed, but one whom you chose to be with. This worried Snape also.

He sighed, his rooms had grown cold, and he found he could not be bothered to light a fire, settling instead further back into the inexplicably comfy chair which Lupin-damn him!-had brought to the room, claiming Snape's to be too hard and formal for their long conversations about this and that.

And Snape hadn't even thought to argue when it appeared. That would annoy him also if he let it, so he pushed it from his mind as he settled back. It really was very comfy. He dared not think what it looked like, it felt rather frayed and thread bare and there were probably large roses involved but he found he didn't mind that either. How annoying.

He closed his eyes, listening to the almost silent magic of the castle, feeling the slight hum of the many wards placed around his rooms, wards to alert and identify, wards to which he had told the counters to only one other person. Lupin. Damn him again! He couldn't quite understand just how he had come to view him as anything other than an annoyance. His eyes shot open and he rose, putting on his coat, glad for its heavy warmth he muttered the counters and scowl fixed firmly in place in case he came across any errant students he made his way up out of the dungeons into the light and life of the castle.

-0o0o0-

........Dumbledore's office was the anti-dungeons. The opposite. If things were dark, still and lurking down there, they were bright, bouncing and rather, 'in your face', up here. It worried Snape, who sat perched on the edge of an equally garish thread bare chair as the one inhabiting a corner of his fire place. At first he was merely going for a wander, terrify a couple of first years if he was lucky, maybe drop in on McGonagall as he had found that if he dropped in on her it stopped her dropping in on him. However she had been out, and so he had wound his way up the stone stairs, accepted a seat on said chair, a large mug of tea, and was currently listening to Dumbledore prattle on about absolutely nothing. How annoying.

"Albus, I have a headache. I assure you I do not need to know about the Sixth years love lives, so just a little less…chatter?"

Dumbledore smiled and gently shook his head, knowing his Potions Master too long to take any offence at the words. Diplomacy was not Severus's strongest point.

"So what can I do you for my boy?"

"Nothing, actually."

"Really? Just a little lonely?"

"Most certainly _not_. I have plenty to occupy my mind until…" He stopped, aware of what he had been about to say. He scowled and mentally kicked himself.

"Ah." Said Dumbledore, knowingly.

"No! No 'ah' anything! I know exactly what you are 'ah'-ing and I am _not_ lonely, nor am I missing that fussing molly coddling lump of a Werewolf!"

"I never said anything."

"Good." The silence returned, Dumbledore knowing that the grin spread over his face would send the other into a tizzy, thought back to a conversation he had been having only days earlier with a certain currently absent werewolf;

"_He's so proud, stubborn even. I never know whether he wants my help or merely accepts it as a necessity…"_

"_Remus, be assured, if he didn't welcome it he would let you know in no uncertain words."_

"_I guess. It's so hard! I really want to get to know him more, we have come so far, he is such an interesting person, did you know he has the driest sense of humour ever? Now I get it, I see the jokes he makes and he is …" Lupin had stopped, turning red at the look on the head's face._

"_I know, I have been telling people for years…" Said Dumbledore, not without a trace of sadness to his voice._

"_I know. I am sorry, I'm just so…"_

"_Excited?"_

"_Yes! At the chance of friendship…"_

"_And more?"_

_The silence was not an awkward one, but Lupin still felt the earlier blush intensify. _

"_You, you don't think… am I mad?"_

_Dumbledore chuckled;_

"_Mad? No, not at all my boy, not at all. Brave? I hope so… He is quite the mysterious dark stranger…I have wanted someone to see it for so long…I admit I was thinking of some nice witch or other, but …he has needed someone to see it, someone in his confidence. If that were to be you, well, I could think of no better. I fear I am rather the old man he does not like to upset by telling things to."_

"_What should I do?"_

"_Do? Only what you are doing. But Remus, I warn you," his voice took on a serious note that made Lupin's eyes widen, "do not make promises to him that you will not keep. He does not take well to being left; it is how he ended up where he is. He is as a son to me, I do not_, will_ not, see him being hurt again."_

"_I won't headmaster. I promise."_

Dumbledore sighed and lent forward, Snape's eyes, feeling the proximity, went wide and a little worried, and said quietly;

"It would be no crime, you know. Remus is a fine friend and a good man."

Snape sputtered, then, realising that he was rumbled, lent back in he chair with a sigh. His scowl deepened.

Dumbledore added gently;

"He will not knowingly hurt you…"

"How can you be so sure? It worries me. I have never wanted anything from any one, and to want his company, is…worrying."

"I don't agree. On either part. There is nothing worrying about it; humans are gregarious creatures, Severus. In this day, if you have the chance at even a little happiness with anyone, grab it. And as for you not wanting anything from anyone, I have known you too long and too well my child."

"I don't follow." Snape replied angrily and a little too quickly.

"I distinctly remember a certain eleven year old, so desperate for acceptance and praise, that he would happily hex anyone who got in the way, or even curse his headmaster purely to get some attention."

"I was not desperate…"

"Yes you were Severus. You were one of the saddest little boys I had ever met."

Snape scoffed;

"I think you are mad."

"I know you do, it doesn't worry me, many people share that opinion! All I am saying is this; you have been a very lonely person, more through your choosing than others doing. I understand you have your reasons, but please, if something good has come out of all this…Let it happen. Remus is a good friend to have, Severus, a very good friend."

There was a silent pause as Snape thought. When he spoke it was in a very quiet voice, so soft that Dumbledore had to lean in again to hear him;

"What if I am not good enough in return?" The thought had only just come to him, but it seemed the single most important thing in the world at the moment.

Chuckling, Dumbledore laid a hand on his shoulder, and, making Snape feel like the lost eleven year old again, tucked the dark hair hiding his face behind his ear.

"Why don't you let Remus make that choice? He is not a fool and I think he would not have stayed around so long if he had not wanted to."

Snape sighed, frowned, and then nodded. The hair falling back into place, letting him hide again in peace.

-0o0o0-

.......Snape stood outside the Great Hall, growing more and more irritable by the second. Lupin was late, ten minutes to be exact, and Snape was in no mood to be kept waiting. It was the first Saturday of the schools summer term, and he had taken advantage of the pleasant weather and arranged a visit to Hogsmeade with Lupin to order the supplies that he had noticed were being used faster than expected. He was not keen on hanging around the school when pupils were milling about, half of them were more scared of him than ever, and the other half seemed to avoid him like the plague as if he were catching.

He didn't have to see their faces to know the looks he was getting.

So as they started coming, as it were, out of the woodwork, he felt the need to leave and decided to go and rouse the Werewolf from his rooms. Lupin, being kept on at the school in a now official manner, had been assigned staff quarters, a fact which had annoyed Snape at first as they were in another part of the school he was entirely un familiar with, because Lupin had rejected his argument that he should be in the dungeons in close proximity to the classrooms, saying that he would prefer it to live above ground, with non-magical windows. Snape, however, found that as he and Lupin grew to spend more time together working on various school projects and things for the Headmaster, he had grown more confident in negotiating the unfamiliar halls. Now, he practically billowed down the corridors be they above ground or below with the occasional student hurrying out of his way, fearing being caught up in what ever bad mood the Professor seemed to be in. On reaching the correct door, he slammed his fist onto it and shouted; "Lupin!" at the top of his voice. The silence which answered it was complete, and caused Snape to frown. He tried again;

"Lupin! Answer this door immediately!" Still nothing.

He muttered a curse under his breath, and feeling for the door handle, went to rattle it. The door swung open. Snape frowned, his anger turning to concern. Absent minded as Lupin was, he was nether the less a creature with almost as many enemies as a Death Eater, and like Snape, kept his door heavily warded. He entered the room cautiously, heart pounding, wand drawn. He felt immensely vulnerable, even considering leaving and going to get the headmaster, but only for a moment before he called himself every name under the sun and took a deep breath then whispered; "Lupin?" willing the other man to respond.

Silence.

Snape took several halting steps forward, trying to recall the layout of the room as best he could with his heart beat thudding in his ears, and he suddenly realised with mounting horror, a tingle on his left arm that he had not felt for quite some time. He stopped at about the middle and felt eyes upon him burning into the back of his head. He turned slowly to face them, certain that they were not friendly. As he raised his wand, hoping to all deities he could think of that he was pointing it directly at whoever, or whatever, was in front of him, he suddenly heard hurried footsteps and a cloaked figure swept past him, brushing close enough to unbalance him. He spun about to where the retreating figure had headed, and frowned, levelling his wand once again.

A chuckle came from in front of him, and he hissed "Impedimenta!" at the space but before he was half way through the incantation he felt it dispelled by a block. 'So it is a wizard' he decided, all vulnerability gone as the experience of many night attacks with his old Lord came to his rescue; 'or at least something which can do wand magic.'

"Who are you and where is Lupin?" He called. No response. He narrowed his eyes, and again the figure brushed past him, this time momentarily grabbing his arm, and spinning him. Snape wobbled, briefly losing his bearings, and had to listen very hard to catch even the slightest whisper of breath to pin point his adversary. Just when he thought he had him, and his wand was again levelled, he was spun the other way, and again, and again, back and forth, the beings heavy cloak grabbing at his legs and brushing his hands, disorientating him further. Aware that at any moment he would be sent crashing to the floor, he dropped to one knee of his own accord, and had a surge of hope as he felt the figure, which had been reaching out to spin him again, grabbing at thin air, nearly falling on top of him.

A voice growled, and instead a sharp kick met his wand, sending it spinning across the room, followed by a stinging back handed slap to the face. Snape cursed, but only shortly, concentrating his magic in case the opportunity arose to throw a wandless curse or hex. Suddenly, he shrank back; aware of a face millimetres from his, a face which radiated the feel of a familiar charm caused a sinisterly cold prickle over his. The face was undoubtedly wearing a Death Eater's mask. This thought made him angrier than any of the spinning or the kick. Warm breath stinking of stale wine muttered distorted whispers around his face, causing a stab of panic and a momentary certainty that there was a pair of red eyes in front of him… He forced himself to breathe slowly and stood up, squaring his shoulders.

'Albus will have been alerted, surely…' he thought. Out loud, and sounding far more confident than he felt he said;

"How the hell does a Death Eater get into Hogwarts?" He felt dark magic in his mark, and through years of familiarity, identified it as the mask being removed.

A voice, all silk and elegance, quietly said;

"Death Eater? Where? Maybe you're seeing things Severus," a long, cold finger traced the scar down Snape's cheek, making him have to fight the urge to shrink back, "or," the voice chuckled softly, "maybe not."

Snape kept his voice hard and level;

"What do you want, Lucius?"

"Oh nothing. I was in the building on some…business…and thought I'd drop in on an old friend. How the devil are you, Severus!"

Snape frowned, not sure whether he meant Lupin or himself;

"What have you done with your 'friend' then? I am assuming you have the Werewolf here somewhere…"

"Oh drop the act Snape." Malfoy's voice had taken on a sharp tone. "We know all about you and 'the Werewolf'. Draco says you're quite the best of pals these days, interesting. I thought that out of all the lies you poured out to our Lord, the hatred for that pathetic beast was real. Though I suppose it's not a shame now, I'm sure the knowledge will come in handy. No, its you I came to see, I just happened across the wolf and thought I'd see if the rumours were true. A little diversion in my hectic life."

"Well I hope we have been entertaining."

"Oh yes, seeing you flounder around is quite enjoyable, and knowing I can get to you will please our Lord no end. The wolf was less fun, far too polite and not nearly enough …bite, shall we say? I had expected more from a dark creature. And to think our Lord wanted him on our side…"

"Your Lord, Lucius."

"What? Oh yes, I forget. Are you sure you aren't mad Severus? Under the imperious maybe? I believe you to be a traitorous scum, but spying? To that mad old fool? Really…What can he offer you?"

"More than you would understand."

Malfoy went quiet, studying Snape's face. Snape, feeling this, pushed his shoulders back and stared dead ahead. He knew he was being played with, Malfoy wouldn't dare hurt him now, he would have never taken off his mask if he was going to, and likewise if he had hurt Lupin. A small comfort. Suddenly, a hand clapped his shoulder.

"Well, I'd best be going." Malfoy put on an almost playful voice, "Do _look_ after yourself Severus! Oooops, I forgot…" The chuckle again. "Such a fitting punishment. Truly inspired…" His soft footsteps and the chuckle left the room and grew fainter. Snape waited until he was certain he was alone before urgently Accioing his wand and using it to slam the door shut and lock it.

Casting a 'find me' around the room for Lupin, he dropped to his knees and carefully crept forward in its pointed direction. His hand contacted something solid, warm, and decidedly Lupin shaped. Or he hoped it was Lupin. He growled under his breath, and crept his hand up the completely still body, it felt like a body bind, and a quick check of a pulse confirmed it, but it wasn't until his fingers found the diagonal scars across the others cheek which he realised he could recall in his minds eye (which worried him a bit) that he let out the breath he was holding, and he sagged where he sat.  
"Finite Incantum." He said angrily.

"Severus, are you alr,"

"Shut up! What the hell were you thinking you idiot man! Letting Lucius Malfoy into your rooms! Do you have any idea how dangerous he is?!"

Lupins voice was indignant as he sat up on the floor;

"He wanted to discuss his son's progress! What was I supposed to say, 'Sorry, I think you're a Death Eater so best not'…"

"Did you not think to make an excuse, or, here's a thought, _send him to his son's teacher_!"

"He didn't want to disturb you…"

"Oh you are_ too_ gullible! Not another word. I want a pot of tea, now. And plenty of sugar!"

Lupin stood still, mouth open, and he shook his head as he looked at the slightly rumpled man sat on the floor before him. He suddenly realised how ridiculous they must look, and coupled with the relief of rescue, he couldn't stop himself bursting out laughing, and as he watched Snape scrub a hand over his face, he felt himself calm. Then dark eyes flashed at him, a slightly shaky finger jabbing in his face;

"Don't you dare laugh you fool!" Snape exploded, "You have no idea how dangerous that man is, if you find this amusing, on your own head be it! There was a time only months ago he would bow before me and do my every bidding. Along with a dozen others. Now I am a thing to be laughed at and ridiculed.

The last time I heard _that_ voice Lupin, it was instructing an apprentice on how to torture me whilst leaving no marks, so don't you _dare_ laugh at me _or_ my warnings of him. You idiot man. He would have tied you up with silver ropes, you know that? A favourite of his as a starter, to weaken you. Then he'd have his real fun. I've seen him do it, and he'd damn well make sure I'd know about them doing it to you. And I don't think I could…"

His eyes still glared, but a little softer and his voice lost its biting edge;

"I don't think I could take that. Before, maybe. Not now. I've become soft, Remus." The silence that stretched out between them was not altogether uncomfortable, but Lupin, acutely aware that this was some sort of confession, for once didn't know where to put himself. Finally, Snape raised his eyes from where they had fallen to the floor, and grumbled;

"Well? What are you looking at?"

"Just thinking."

"Kindly do it whilst putting the kettle on."

Lupin, glad of the diversion, nearly snapped but bit his tongue, sounding slightly pained instead;

"Fine! There is a perfectly good settee you know."

"What? Oh, I know."

As Lupin turned to go to the kitchen, he hesitantly reached out a hand and put it on Snape's shoulder, squeezing gently;

"I'm sorry I scared you Severus."

Before Snape could think of a suitably sarcastic comeback, Lupin released it, rose and went to make the tea. Snape sighed and scowled as he moved to the settee. 'Damn Werewolf.' He thought.

-0o0o0-

........As Lupin re-entered his living room, the realisation of what had just happened dawned on him,

'I've just been captured by a Death Eater,' he thought, 'bloody hell!'

As the hand with the tray of tea on it became a little unsteady he set it down on a table and instead scrunched his hands into fists. He could see the back of Snape's head over the top of the settee, and in the back of his mind could hear his voice; "tied you up with silver ropes…" Lupin couldn't help but shudder, not wanting to know what the 'real fun' would have been, that sounded bad enough. He took a deep breath, picked the tray up again and made his way over. As he rounded the seat, he inwardly cringed as he saw the look on the others face.

Snape looked furious.

He was sat, bolt upright, arms folded tightly across his chest, one foot tapping impatiently on the floor. His dark brows almost met in the middle and his eyes were as hard as flint. Very quietly Lupin said;

"Tea," before losing his nerve as the eyes were flashed in his direction. Deciding against saying anything else, he instead poured two cups and sat down. He silently watched Snape, who had not said a word nor moved a muscle. Time passed. The tea was getting cold. Lupin cast a heating charm on Snape's cup, earning a small growl from the man, and poured himself a second. He took it the Hogsmeade trip was off, and that he could be in for a long wait here whilst Snape figured out whatever was going through his head.

He waited.

As the second cup was finished, Lupin took a deep breath and pushed Snape's a little nearer to him, innocently saying;

"You're tea's getting cold." As he did it.

Bad move.

Snape exploded.

With a turn of speed in stark contrast to the stillness with which he had been sat he flung an arm out, colliding rather neatly and very intentionally with the mug on the table, causing luke warm tea to fly across the room and the mug to smash against a wall. With his arm still raised, he glared in Lupins direction, and very slowly and quietly said;

"I don't want tea."

Lupin sat, eyebrows raised, and watched as he sat back, arms crossing again, and the foot resumed tapping. He Scourigfied the debris, and muttered to Snape;

"So I see."

Snape sighed and closed his eyes. Lupin, risking a little more, added;

"That was my favourite mug."

Had it of been anyone else sat opposite, that may have earned a small smile and broken the tension, but not this man. A steely;

"My apologies." was his sole response. Lupin went back to waiting and studying the man before him.

........They sat that way for what seemed like hours to Lupin, he knew it was now late afternoon as his very reliable stomach, which had begun to protest at lunchtime (quieted only when he had summoned an elf with lunch), was now making enquiries as to tea. Snape didn't eat, and Lupin was beginning to wander whether the man was in some sort of trance, as he hadn't responded to any of the things Lupin and said to him all day. If it hadn't of been for the flickering in the dark eyes as he obviously wrestled with some inner conflict, Lupin may have been tempted to summon Poppy.

Even when he attempted to use the normally safe subject of potions and the students he had failed. Now he was just simply getting bored and tired of the rather strange semi temper tantrum/sulk going on opposite him. He still wasn't actually sure which it was. And he sure as hell didn't know how to handle it. The other wizard looked just as furious as when he had first sat down, and with no explanation forthcoming, Lupin tried his last card. If this didn't work he was going to leave him here and have tea in the great hall.

"Do you think we should tell the Headmaster? I'm sure he would want to know."

Nothing. A barely perceivable flicker in the dark eyes. Lupin sighed. He stood up, walked across the room and got his cardigan off the hook, shrugging it on. As he made his way to the door, a strict voice demanded;

"You will be careful."

'Good Lord it talks!' Thought Lupin, but only said "Of course." Out loud. Snape nodded curtly. Lupin waited a moment to see if anything else was forthcoming, but the silent stare had returned and he left.

-0o0o0-

........Alone at last, Snape sagged. He rubbed a hand over his face, and shook his head.

'Damn Lupin! He has no idea!' He thought, 'Damn fool. Going to end up dead…' The thought caused a shudder through his body and a sigh to escape. He stretched, and as he brought his arms back down slammed both hands onto the table hard. He heard the teapot rattle and, clenching his teeth, fought the anger back to a simmer, not wanting to let it boil over. A growl from his stomach made him realise he was hungry.

Summoning an elf, he ordered tea and toast, and he thought briefly about following Lupin up to the Hall to apologise, he was sure that was where he had gone he didn't know anyone as food orientated as Lupin, but the thought passed quickly as he decided he wouldn't know what to say. Just like he hadn't all day, now annoyingly wasted here in silence. 'Goodness only knows what Lupin thinks of me now!' He thought.

He had simply not dared to speak, sure that after yelling some more at the man who, he made himself remember, had just been caught by Lucius Malfoy ('Oh why did it have to be him…') and then bawled out by a friend for letting it happen. ('Letting it happen, Hah!' He thought, 'Because I am so good at not 'letting it happen', had I of been I would not be sat here in the dark now…' He stopped himself, not wanting to slip into self pity), he thought that Lupin probably wouldn't need the second option, Snape explaining why he had been so angry, how scared the thought of Malfoy getting hold of either of them had made him.

Then he remembered. Lupin _had_ known, apologised even for scaring him…Snape almost smiled, remembering also the squeezed hand. And then scowled again, as he told himself to stop being stupid, desperately wanting, almost needing, to stay angry. He had not been angry, properly angry, for so long, and it almost felt good. Malfoy's words had stung, he did feel somewhat useless most of the time, and detested the fact that he needed help from anyone at all. Feeling angry made him feel like he used too when he was spying, alive.

He sat back with a warm mug, not dismissing the cowering elf although he was aware it cringed in front of him, waiting to be hexed or cursed. He had used to like scaring people. He used to scare Malfoy a little. The thought made him smile a bit. Then he sat back to enjoy it a bit more, even if, he realised sadly, all he scared nowadays were house elves and first years.


	12. Chapter 12

Heres the next one!

Same disclaimer, still all hers, more's the pity! I'd quite like a bit...

Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, it is much appreciated and often very educational!

Look out look out there's slash about... Well, as much as I am brave enough to write that...

CHAPTER TWELVE

........"I feel I should apologise."

"Go on."

The cold tone wasn't expected; Snape's eyes widened a little. He was still taken by surprise whenever Lupin stood up to him, though he was glad he did.

"For giving you what I believe Muggles call 'the silent treatment'."

"Oh."

'Oh' thought Snape, 'what does he think I am apologising for?' Then it dawned on him.

"I shall not apologise for shouting at you, I meant every word! You were a fool letting him in!"

"Oh."

"Quite. So I apologise. Do you accept?"

"No."

"Oh."

"Quite." said Lupin in his best Snape tone. Snape scowled, not liking being on the receiving end of sarcasm. "I want an explanation."

"Do you now."

"Yes. I understand that seeing Malfoy again might upset you."

"I was not upset!"

"Drop it, Severus. I understand that you would see me letting him in as foolish, and I even understand why you shouted at me. _I _apologised to _you_, remember. But what I don't understand is the then total shut down and lack of even polite speech. I sat with you for the best part of nine hours, nine hours Severus! That's an entire day wasted! And I got maybe three words. Explain."

Lupin sat back in his chair, and regarded Snape. The other wizard had a carefully neutral expression, reminding Lupin of before their friendship. Lupin was just beginning to get to grips with why he had always been so guarded around people, to the extent of being cruel and vicious. This morning he would have said they had become good friends and had been looking forward to a day in Hogsmeade, a day of strengthening that friendship with a trip to Fortescue's or two. Now he hoped he hadn't pushed too far and gone the other way in standing up to him and demanding explanations.

Snape nodded once and moved to the chair opposite, the chair that was totally in the way where it was, having been abandoned mid cleaning session when Snape had first come to Lupins rooms, and now Lupin found he left it there purely because that is where Snape expected it to be. Dumbledore, Lupin recalled, had smiled knowingly when hearing this on enquiry as to its odd location.

Dark eyes fixed on a point on the wall, unblinking and shiny.

Snape spoke, very quietly but very firmly and with a knot in his stomach, having reached a decision that scared the living daylights out of him. He was going to come clean to Lupin, and let him decide on the action to be taken. He set his shoulders and carefully keeping all emotion out of his voice said;

"I was not intentionally being impolite. That was not my aim. I had no aim in fact. I merely lacked the ability to control what would have come out of my mouth had I of spoken, so I did not." He paused, swallowing, his throat suddenly dry; "I _was _scared, Remus, terrified. I do not mind so much admitting this to you now. But I was not scared for me, I have faced Lucius Malfoy on many occasions and knew he would not hurt me, not here in Hogwarts. Not unmasked." The dark eyes dropped to his lap;

"I was, however, terrified. For you. I thought that he had hurt you. As I say, I know too well what he, they, would do to you. I have seen it. I have, forgive me Remus, I have been involved. All I could think of was that he had you somewhere, silver ropes, one of my cleverer potions working its way through your system, I could see it clearly, the effects, the pain. I thought he had a Silencio cast on you, was certain of it. I had a complete and utter certainty that he was harming you purely to harm me. Afterwards, after I had shouted at you and ranted, I was so relieved, so…glad…that you were uninjured, that it hurt. I didn't trust myself not to…" he trailed off, gesturing for the unknown words with his hands and pursing his lips. He banged clenched hands on the arms of his chair and made to speak again before changing his mind, letting out a huge breath and shaking his head. He closed his eyes. Lupin quietly prompted;

"Not to?"

Snape frowned slightly, when he spoke it came out in a rush, he had a feeling that if he didn't say this now he may never at all;

"Not to grab you and hold on tight, lest he come back. Not to tell you how glad I was, and how sacred I was. Not to make a complete fool of my self and earn your ridicule guaranteed. There. I have said it."

"I'm confused Severus." said Lupin very carefully, not wanting to read this wrong. "Said what, exactly?"

Snape looked despairing.

"That I care for you. Too much I suspect. That I need you. And not only as my eyes. That this past school year has given me so much, that I want more. I find myself craving your attention, pathetically thinking about you and wanting to spend everyday with you doing mundane things such as going to Hogsmeade to get supplies which in all honesty I don't really need!" he drew in a deep breath.

"There. Now you may laugh. All I ask is that you keep it to yourself." Snape's face had turned a violent shade of red and he clenched his hands together tightly in his lap. Silence filled the air. After the initial shock Lupins face was split in two by a huge grin, and he had trouble not leaping about the room. Instead he lent forward, put a hand on Snape's knee, and whispered;

"Thank you. I am glad you trust me enough to tell me. I assure you; I had the same trouble stopping myself from grabbing you and I wish I didn't have to. It seems natural to reach out to you but I worry you would see it as wrong, an intrusion…"

Snape briefly squeezed the hand before standing up.

"I am…relieved. I thought you would be horrified."

"No! The opposite in fact."

Snape considered silently for a moment before ploughing on;

"Then there are some things you need to know. If anything is to come of this, or even just our friendship to remain, I need to be honest with you, and then you can decide. This does seem to be the time for it. Remember though, I will abide by your wishes." He started pacing the small part of Lupins floor he knew to be uncluttered. "I know about the Death Eater's torture techniques as I have applied them myself. I know specifically about the ones for Werewolves as I have applied them. Do you know of the Silver Sweat?" he paused in his pacing for Lupin to answer. He did so in a shaky voice;

"Greyback would threaten us with it…I have seen a body. What was left…"

"That is mine. One of many potions I invented for the Dark Lord. I assure you that at the time I was young and naive, I did not understand nor did I know what he planned to do with it. But... Well... Excuses are worth nothing. I cannot change what I did. "

Lupin drew in a shuddery breath.

"Exactly." He stopped his pacing and turned towards where Lupin had last been, he held his hands in front of him, as if in surrender. His voice, when he continued, was threatening to crack with the emotion he was so carefully guarding;

"Remus, I was in every way a Death Eater. For a while, before turning spy, I put what heart and soul I had into it. I was _good _at it. One of the best.

And I have the nerve to stand here and hope somewhere in my twisted heart that I may be allowed to become close, intimate even, with someone as light and good as yourself. I dare not hope too much…Everything you ever suspected of me is probably right, Black would probably of told you stories and you would do well to believe him. I was Dark. Possibly still am. But I have told you and the choice is yours. I will understand if you never wish to see me again, I can request a sixth year to assist in my classes. You could leave. Or I could leave…I don't know. You have the facts. I am sorry. You know where to find me." he finished, lamely. He made his way to the door and let himself out, leaving Lupin alone. He stood stock still, very glad that the retreating man could not see the tears streaming down his face, and despite desperately wishing otherwise, completely unable to say a single word to stop him going.

-0o0o0-

........Lupin sat and wept quietly until he had no more tears to cry. He was not sure why he was crying, maybe out of sorrow for the pain he had seen in Snape's eyes, maybe for the pain in his heart that ached, maybe even for the confession from Snape's own mouth of his crimes. He had not been surprised by the content of Snape's confession, he had been a member of the Order for long enough to have his suspicions, but more by the confession itself. He knew they had crossed a line there, and that he could choose the direction of their relationship from here on in. That Snape had trusted him enough to tell him those things, and the very real pain and fear he saw fleetingly in his eyes made his mind up for him. He rinsed his face in his bathroom and stuck his head out of the door. It wasn't long before a student sauntered into view, a third year Ravenclaw he recognised from classes, who smiled as he saw Lupin.

"Good evening Sir."

"Good evening, are you busy?" at the shake of his head Lupin grinned; "Great, could you possibly take a message to Professor Snape for me, asking him to come to my rooms to finish our planning? Would you mind?"

"Um, ok. He won't mind?"

Lupin smiled reassuringly at the worry on his face at the prospect of disturbing the Potions Professor. "No, I don't think so. Thank you."

"Well, ok. Good night Sir."

"Good night."

Lupin retreated back in and closed the door, before nervously taking to pacing the room, fingertips trailing the back of the in the way chair with every pass.

-o0o0o-

........When the knock came on the door, Lupin jumped and his heart pounded even faster. He had paced himself into quite a state. He opened the door and saw a very worried looking man on the threshold. He stood to one side, and invited him in.

Snape stood awkwardly just inside the door, not wanting to sit in case he was about to be thrown straight out again. He opened his mouth to speak but was silenced by a hand on his arm that sent chills through his body. Lupin stood in front of him, close enough for Snape to feel the others breath. He had never felt as awkward as he did now. Just when he thought he couldn't stand it any longer, Lupin said;

"I have decided. I think it would be a shame to base my opinion of you on what you were a very long time ago. You seem to forget that we all have our Darkness. I want to be able to follow my instincts and touch you, comfort you, be comforted by you. I think we could be good for each other. So. If we are in agreement, I think we have wasted enough time." He watched as the dark eyes fill with tears, which did not fall but none the less were there, and he relaxed as he saw the square set of the black clothed shoulders sag slightly and the scowl leave the pale face. He stood still and watched the indecision reappear in the other wizards face, but didn't want to initiate anything in case it was too much.

Swallowing his apprehension Snape reached out hesitantly, his cold finger tips met the warm soft cheek with the slight prickle of stubble; he pulled them back towards himself sharply, taking in a sudden breath. He suspected his hands trembled slightly, he could hardly believe he was doing this, that Lupin had just said _that_.

As he stood, feeling more like a fool with every passing minute, he half reached out again and then thought better of it. A look of pained despair crossed his face, and made the other wizards heart lurch sickeningly. Warm hands reached out and took gentle hold of the cold fingers, quickly squeezing them before pulling them forward until they connected again with flesh. This time they were held in place until the other was sure they were going to stay. Snape let out the deep breath he had been unknowingly holding, and began to explore the face under his touch, frowning with concentration, unknowingly amusing the other greatly. He found cheek bones; quite evident on the thin man, and then a nose which sat over a slightly half hearted attempt at a moustache. The two scars, exactly as he had remembered them, smooth in sudden contrast to the stubbly chin and cheek they dissected. He felt the face tighten slightly as he traced them, and quickly reached one hand back to his own face, and traced the long scar running brow to chin, with a slight shake of his head, an awkward attempt to reassure, his look saying 'no, we are the same'.

The face being mapped relaxed again and he felt a smile form. Both hands continued their journey, finding eyes, blinking rapidly; and a hair line, gently receding though not in an unpleasant way. Further down, and he hit soft, damp lips, parted just enough that he could feel the gap and knew that if he pushed he would find teeth…maybe a dangerous game he decided. He paused on the lips, and became aware of how fast the breath was coming through them, in and out, in and out, and with a start realised that his matched, breath for breath. The thought shocked him, and he jerked his hands back, finger tips tingling slightly from the contact. A disappointed voice muttered quietly, patiently, but almost desperately;

"No." and again his now definitely slightly trembling fingers were returned. This time though, they were met immediately by the lips, and this time the lips were pushed softly against them and a cautious pressure held only for a moment.

'A kiss.' thought Snape in shock, causing his breath to hitch in his throat, not knowing whether to smile or run away. Then his hands were being pulled again, back to the warm cheeks and held there, being almost lent into, then the face turned into his palm and there were more kisses and the tip of a finger was nibbled gently… Snape felt the panic race through him and he felt blood rushing in his ears. Frozen to the spot he didn't know what to do, his rational mind told him to relax, that this was Lupin, _his_ Lupin possibly now, gentle quiet Remus doing this, and _his_ hands wrapped firmly around his wrists preventing escape. But as his hands tried to pull back and were still held firm, the irrational part of his mind, the part which was quickly gaining control, was insisting that he didn't _know_ it was, how could he _know?_ That it was just as likely some trick and soon his hands would be bound and then he would be utterly defenceless and the more the two parts argued the more the irrational part won, that this couldn't be Remus, why would Remus hold him so tight, stop him escaping, Remus was good and light and what would he want with a useless dark thing like him and….

........As Snape swam back towards consciousness, thoughts drifted around his mind. He remembered Lupins face, he remembered his finger tips being kissed, he remembered the embarrassed thrill at that kiss and the horror that Lupin might have noticed that thrill too…As he began to feel more solid, he became aware of the arms wrapped around him, and the soft mumbling began to become more coherent. He heard his name, heard himself being told that he was ok, and he knew the voice, knew it was Lupin, just Lupin, and that he _was _ok.

He reached a hand up between their bodies and found the face, traced the long scar just to be safe, and as he did his body relaxed and the arms which held him shook gently as their owner chuckled gently. He also found the cheek to be wet, and he found himself gently muttering "Fool." under his breath as he struggled to sit upright.

The arms would not let go, but he found he did not mind so much, and arrived at the compromise of him half sitting, half leaning, with the wall supporting both of them. He sighed. He felt weak, being held like a baby, and the knowledge that he had completely lost the plot because of a little intimate contact, although what plot he had in the first place he wasn't sure on either, horrified him. The arms around him shifted and one pushed the hair away from his face in an irritating impersonation of Dumbledore, and then stroked his hair rhythmically.

"You scared me." The voice was soft and quiet, and Snape could hear the genuine concern no matter how well it was being hidden. The hand stopped its stroking and came to rest on his cheek. "If you didn't like it…"

Snape found himself frowning and shook his head vehemently, 'Please don't let him think that' he prayed, and when he spoke the crack in his voice shocked them both.

"No, I liked it, I wanted…I just, don't bind me…"

The arms were around him again, a relaxed hold, safe.

"I promise."

Snape merely nodded his head, and was aghast to feel a tear run down his cheek. He struggled to get up, and once again found himself caught by the arms. He swallowed the panic, and sat stiffer, awkwardly in their grip. When Lupin spoke after a long silence, he sounded stricter than he had ever before, and though never raising his voice to more than a loud whisper, Snape could no more have disobeyed than fly.

"I am sorry, it was too soon. I know. But could you, that is, if this is going to work, you have to stop being Snape the untouchable, the un approachable. We both know that's not real. For now let me lead you and touch you and look after you. After, out there, we can pretend you don't need anyone, that you are your own impenetrable world and stronger than the rest of us. But not now, not here. Here this is _us_, Severus, how we need to be.

I know this is quick, but it feels right, like we should be. Do you think?" at the nod from between his arms he continued; "I don't know what all that was about, if you never tell me that's fine, but whatever you need to do _this_, to be 'us', tell me. I promise I will never go against your wishes." As he spoke, Snape sagged back against the arms and the warm solid body, "We'll do this your way, your speed. I promise. Talk to me, tell me how to make you safe here, how to make this nice…" He stopped, and Snape had heard the concern in his voice, felt the gentleness in his hold, and, almost for a moment that _was_ all he needed. Then memories came flooding back to him, and he frowned again, earning an urgent and concerned;

"What! Talk to me!" from Lupin. When he just shook his head he thought he could feel the others confusion. And the sadness. He closed his eyes, lent his head back against a shoulder and as he felt the grey-flecked-gold hair fall against his and the pressure of skull against skull he forced the sudden stiffness to leave his body. As he did so, the head turned and he felt the soft lips again, this time beside his eye, again his breath caught and he briefly pressed back against them before they were gone. He allowed himself to be raised to his feet and led across the room to the settee.

........As they sat, he felt like an awkward fifteen year old, head lowered, hands in lap, waiting to be given permission to touch or to be touched, and all the time with the awareness that he wasn't fifteen, the slight lump of panic at the back of his mind that he tried his best to ignore. Then a hand was on his, fingers entwined, then another one was on his face, this time exploring _his_ cheeks and _his_ eyes and _his_ mouth, and he found himself slowly turning his head and kissing a finger, then a palm, then a quick nibble…

His free hand reached up and found hair, soft and springy, it felt clean and as he remembered seeing it, slight shock as he realised that he had noticed it before, and he suddenly hoped his felt as good though he doubted it. As if in answer, a rogue hand left his and pushed his dark fringe out of his face, its presence against his cheek gently replaced with another kiss. He reached out with both hands now and they collided with the very solid and very real form in front of him. The little spot of panic pulsed bigger and he momentarily pulled back, urgently whispering;

"Remus?" and in answer got a hand on his cheek, a reassuring;

"Yes…" and he relaxed into the touch again, murmuring;

"Just checking. Remind me from time to time…"

"Of course."

From then on, Lupin, reading between the lines, kept up a steady stream of platitudes and reassurances, utter nonsense along with the gentle kissing and stroking. When it began to be returned with a little more conviction, he dropped one hand to Snape's waist, and squeezed a hip, slipping his fingers craftily under the seam of a frock coat to see exactly what lay beneath. He realised that he had wanted this for so long and he _knew_ that he was moving way too fast, that only half an hour ago they had not even decided to give them a go and there had been meltdown between then and now. But he felt his carefully controlled lycanthropic urges to submit to the wolf filling him, filling his ratinal mind with animal instinct. He was justly rewarded with having the lips he had been very enjoyably sucking on wrenched away and a hand in an iron grip around his wrist. When he saw the wide eyes not six inches from his own and the held breath, inwardly he groaned, cursing himself. Aloud, all he said was;

"Ok, its fine. I'm sorry." as he slowly withdrew the hand and rested it instead on the others knee. As the iron grip loosened, Snape looked away and muttered angrily;

"No. I'm sorry, I'm a fool…"

Lupin pulled his head around to face him, and planted a kiss on his lips before he knew what was happening, then wrapped both hands around one of the cold ones and held it to his chest.

"You are not, Severus, its fine, there's no rush. I know my actions contradict that but really, I'm sorry; it's all a bit of a shock isn't it. I will behave better, I swear. This is what I wanted, to be with you, to be able to hold your hand and not have you pull away, it is enough. Anything else is a bonus. I don't want the only reasons for your fear that I can think of to be correct, but if they are that is fine too!" he realised he was rambling; "We take as much time as we need. And now, I think we need bed." He paused, indecisive, before taking a deep breath and trying not to sound too hopeful, saying; "Will you stay with me Severus? Just lie with me so I know you are alright? I promise I won't…"

"I know. I will stay, I think. You really don't mind?"

Lupin let out a small sad laugh;

"Of course I don't! Here," he rose and pulled Snape with him. "I have spare pyjamas and will show you the bathroom…" He kept an arm around Snape's waist as he walked with him toward the bedroom, softly calling Nox to the room behind him.

-0o0o0-

........Later as he lay in bed listening to the man breathing next to him, he couldn't help but trace a finger down the scar on the sleeping face and run it gently over the lips. He was amazed, in sleep he looked ten years younger and the more relaxed than he had ever seen him. He lifted his finger and put it on his own lips, noticing the slight frown at its removal. He was silently overjoyed and very surprised when the form shifted from being on its back to lying facing him, and stunned when a hand sleepily reached out and felt its way over the covers until it found one of his. He grinned, and wrapped the long fingers in his, whispered;

"Night love." to the gently snoring form and closing his eyes let oblivion take him.


	13. Chapter 13

Sorry about the delay, especially after such nice reviews! The 'puter's been on strike, but we seem to have arranged a settlement over it's working conditions now...

There is smushyness ahead, you have been warned. Oh, and Bigbrish. Not a moment of madness. My sweet little albino guinea pig died the day I wrote this, called Horatio Bogbrush Pig, we were never sure if he was a she or vice versus right up untill s/he died! So in memorium of piggles!

And as for death eater activities, I don't know, I made them up to suit the story! If you haven't guessed this is AU by now, well, you reading different canon to me! (But tell me where you get it, snupin in canon = very happy readers!)

Hope you enjoy!

Usual disclaimer...

Incidently, this ends very soon. I loved writing it and if anyone would like more in my strange blind-Snape-i-verse, let me know! I'm happy to write if I have a suitable bunny to chase...

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

........Lupin woke the next morning to a clattering and muttered cursing coming from the direction of his bathroom. The memories of the night before came flooding back, and he propped himself up on one elbow to listen to what sounded like quite a performance. After a moments silence a second round of cursing was followed by a bellowed;

"Lupin!"

In a flash Lupin was on his feet, amusement forgotten as all manner of things charging through his mind. The scene which met him was however, (after the fear clutching at him was dispelled on a closer examination and several deep breaths)one which purely made him want to giggle. Snape was stood, a borrowed dressing gown around his shoulders, one slightly trembling hand clenched in a fist held in the air, a basin full of some of the oddest coloured bubbles before him, and a pained expression on his face.

"Having a little trouble, Severus?"

Snape growled;

"What sort of murderous person leaves an open cut throat lying around on his sink?"

Lupin noticed for the first time the small trickle of blood coming out from under the raised fingers, and did his best to suppress both his concern and his smile.

"I'm sorry I'm sure for leaving _my_ things in _my_ bathroom where I always have! You want me to heal that?"

"No I just called you in here to stand and be sarcastic…"

Lupin reached out for the hand and took it, prising the curled up fingers open to reveal quite a deep slice, he frowned slightly at the tremble running through the other and asked in a concerned voice;

"Are you cold?"

"What?"

"You're shivering…"

"Oh," Snape snatched his hand back, "no I'm fine."

Lupin gently took it back with an unconvinced;

"Ok. Here, let me…What were you trying to do with the razor?"

"I misplaced the soap…"

"Ah. Dangerous stuff, soap."

"I fail to see the humour in this."

"Really? I need to see the humour in this" he gripped the hand, "otherwise I'd worry. And not just about when the next innocent object I leave in its place is going to attack you…"

"I would hardly call a cut throat razor 'innocent'."

"Maybe not. But next time, remember it's there. All done. One last thing though" Lupin hadn't let go of the hand, and wanting to test the waters, quickly placed a kiss over the site of the cut, "now it's better."

Snape's eyes were wide; a look of feigned horror was on his face. He chuntered half heartedly;

"Oh good grief."

"Good grief yourself. Now, you think you can get washed without me hanging around and removing every potential hazard…" At Snape's scowl he backed through the door as a handful of soapy water was aimed at his voice.

-0o0o0-

........"You lied." Lupin's voice, though slightly accusing, had a hint of a smile to it.

"Excuse me?"

"When you first woke up, after, you know, well, Albus said _you_ said that there had only been the concentrated Cruciatus."

Snape paused in his work methodically and precisely skinning a Salamander, Lupins eyes following every move his hands made with the silver knife finding the sure even strokes almost hypnotic.

"And?" Said Snape accusingly.

"_And_ the other day, when Malfoy was here, you told me that, and I quote, "The last time I heard that voice it was instructing an apprentice on how to torture whilst not leaving a mark." I have an excellent memory."

"So it would seem. It is of no concern of yours; I did not need to bring it to the attention of..."

"No concern! Oh no, just a spot of torture…the every day type! You are the most stubborn man Severus."

Snape's voice took on a dangerous tone; "Do not speak about things you don't understand! It was _exactly_ that Lupin, the every day type, understand? I have been 'dealing' with it and the after effects alone for fifteen year, I don't need Poppy Pomfrey nor the Headmaster to assist me." He returned to his dead lizard, and his voice dropped quieter; "I never saw any point in sharing my …troubles…with anyone, when no one could brew better pain relief or anti curse potions than myself." He lifted his head momentarily, forced his hand to relax and continued the rhythmic slicing of the knife, made his voice calmer; "Ok?"

Lupin sighed. He shook his head, but all that came out was the sigh.

"Lupin?"

"Fine, fine. At least you don't have need of them any more. You don't, do you?"

Snape's forced calm gave way and he snapped defensively;

"What is this! Why the sudden concern for my wellbeing!" He slammed the Salamander down, causing small particles of discarded skin to splatter across the table, Lupin grimaced slightly. "You are an unwelcome intrusion at times Lupin!"

The Werewolf's voice was calm, having learnt to ignore the quick temper and acid tongue. "It isn't a sudden interest, as well you know. I just think that since we've become…closer… I find myself worrying about you."

"I assure you it is not needed." He gestured with the knife in the air, causing Lupin to draw back slightly, "As you can see."

"Be that as it may, I do. You don't still need potions, do you?" a hint of worry crept into his voice, though he tried to keep it casual, he had been wanting to ask questions for a while, but never had the nerve. He pressed on, watching for any signs that he was over stepping the mark. 'Like being hexed to pieces' he thought, 'or a nice silver burn…' "Did they really attack you that much? I thought you were respected by them?"

Snape took a deep breath, closing his eyes and counting to ten. Squashing the urge to respond sarcastically, he instead told himself to be glad someone cared enough to ask. It would take some getting used to, he decided. He put the knife to one side, lest he be tempted to put it somewhere else, wiped his hands on the cloth hanging from his waist, sat down and turned toward Lupins voice. He knew by now when Lupin wasn't going to let something drop and decided to allow the intrusion into his privacy. After all, as Lupin said, they had become closer recently, and he supposed he did owe an explanation for some of his more…bizarre…actions of late. No matter how annoying or unnatural it seemed to share things with another person. He found himself worried it would make the man bolt, not quite able to believe the turn their relationship had taken lately and how pleased he secretly was for it.

"Fine. There are obviously questions on your mind. What do you want to know?"

"Do you still need potions?" Lupin sat up straight and tried not to sound too eager, pleased at being given a free rein to ask.

"Only first thing in the morning, the standard anti-Cruciatus serum."

"Oh. How long will you need that for?"

"Do you know nothing? It's no wonder Slughorn despaired…Forever, Lupin. The curse irreparably damages nerves, even when not concentrated. I have taken enough 'hits' in my time to permanently affect me…anyway, what else?"

"Are you in pain?"

"Hah! Define 'pain' if you will. I have headaches, related to my eyes." as Lupin attempted to interrupt, Snape snapped; "Poppy knows!" before taking a deep breath and carrying on. "A steady ache in my hands and feet a lot of the time. Nothing I can not control. But I dare say most people have some pain. Are you done?"

"No." Lupin swallowed and Snape braced himself. "What did they do to you?"

Silence filled the room. Snape frowned and shifted uncomfortably in his chair. This wasn't quite the course of questioning he had expected and one he had hoped to avoid for a while longer.

"They?" he asked, finally, hoping to have their wires crossed.

"The other Death Eaters, He Who Shall Not Be Named?"

Snape went quiet again, and Lupin, seeing the man close down, quickly said;

"I'm sorry, none of my business…"

"No, it's just," Snape rubbed an eye tiredly, "who says they did anything to me? As you said," he added sarcastically, "I was respected."

"Your actions the other night say so. Someone has done something."

"Just ask what it is you want to know. I have allowed you free rein, not something that is likely to happen again in a hurry so ask without any skirting of issues. Then I know what answers to give."

"I'm not sure any more that I want to know."

"You are contrary."

"I know, sorry. I'd just rather not have to put it into words..."

"Too unpleasant for you?" A hint of defensive fire was coming into Snape's voice, "Then what are you doing pretending there may be any point to us doing this!"

"I know, I'm sorry, it's just, to say it makes it real, and to make it real, well, I am aware of the trust you are placing in me, and I , oh I don't know. Please, tell me. What did they do?"

"Do you see a little now why I never told Albus? To make it real," he shuddered, "I did not want to do that to him. Or myself. Oh for this be over with! Do not expect detail. I have no desire for it to be _that _real…I am assuming you refer to my…" he paused, searching for the right word,

"Freaking out?" Lupin offered,

"Eloquent as always. But it will do. Death Eaters, Remus, that is those Death Eaters who do not have a specific skill and therefore use such as myself, do only three things well. They torture, they kill and they rape. They do not discriminate. We would be rewarded, for want of a better word, for good behaviour," he said the last word with much sarcasm; "by being given each other to 'enjoy'. The same with punishment, only we would be the reward. As a respected member and part of the inner circle, I was considered a very nice reward. If you understand. The 'every-day torture' was my preferred punishment, I could pretend it was not happening Occulmency kept me apart from it, but the other…" he shuddered slightly and Lupin only just stopped himself from reaching out to touch his cheek, "being used as a toy, a reward, that was impossible to block out. There were several who had some rather… interesting …passions, and a number of quite twisted sadists." He sighed, having lost any of the annoyance he felt at Lupins nosiness earlier, now he was just tired. "And an alarming number who held special vendetta's against me. The other night, I lost track of who it was with me. As I could not see you, my mind took over and insisted on it being one of several people who particularly liked to tie me…several people, none of whom were you. I thought I was about to be bound, to be… I panicked. I apologise if I worried you Remus, I did not mean to."

The room became quiet again, as Lupin thought about what he had just been told. There had been no use of ugly words, no graphic descriptions; Lupin suspected that Snape would find such things suitably distasteful to say. And now that it was real, no longer purely assumptions on Lupins part, he found not the panic he thought he would, but a sudden calmness, now he had something solid to go on, he could work with it. He studied the other man momentarily, before walking to stand behind him. The ache in his chest that threatened to turn to tears took him a little by surprise; he had an overwhelming urge to protect. He put it down to the wolf, and he slipped his arms around the black clad shoulders, leaning so that his lips brushed an ear under its curtain of hair. Feeling the man tense, he said;

"Thank you. I promise you that I will never do anything to you that is unwanted, if I go too far or too fast tell me, I will stop. I promise. And for as long as I am able, I promise that no one will hurt you again. And if they do. I will make them pay. You have my word."

Snape nodded once as Lupin laid his head against his, and reaching up grabbed hold of Lupins hands, not wanting to loose the safe, warm presence anytime soon. He let his head drop back against the others shoulder and closed his eyes.

-0o0o0-

........"This is unacceptable. Complete rubbish. You will rewrite the entire essay with an extra foot on what would have happened had you brewed this mess you have concocted. To be on my desk by Monday. Understood?"

"Yes Sir." The disappointment in the first year's voice was unmissable and Lupins heart went out to the boy.

"The rest of you, though barely scraping a pass, at least had the correct potion. Homework remains the same as normal, two feet on the potion you have brewed today including its uses and variants. Any questions? Good. Dismissed."

As the children filed out of the room Lupin, thrown momentarily as he usually was by the complete difference in the man who terrorised the children from the man who had only last week opened his soul to him, moved closer to Snape and put a hand on the small of his back. After waiting for the initial tenseness to pass he said quietly;

"That was perhaps a little harsh."

"Was it?"

"Well, he was nearly crying…"

"Your point being?"

"I thought you were trying to be a little nicer to the students."

"I changed my mind. His mistake was elementary and careless."

"He was genuinely upset…"

Snape whirled to glare at Lupin;

"And? Your point being? He made a mistake. I punished it. He will not make the mistake again. Therefore, he is learning."

"I know it's just…"

"Just what? If you query my teaching methods take it up with the head. Otherwise, allow me to do my job as I see fit."

Lupin studied the mans face quietly before swallowing the comeback he felt brewing, instead sighing;

"Fine. What do we need for the next lesson?"

Snape nodded and flicked his wand at the board, a list of ingredients and equipment appearing.

"The Ragwort root is in the poisons cabinet, take care not to handle it too much."

"Fine."

Snape raised an eyebrow at the annoyance in his assistants tone and being in the mood for an argument added;

"I am sure I can manage adequately if you would rather leave."

Lupin stopped and stared at the tall man, annoyance causing him to clench his fists in anger and he nearly, very nearly, let it spill over. Clamping his teeth shut he let only the merest hint of a growl escape his lips as he turned and left the room.

Snape raised one eyebrow at the departing man before hiding his surprise in a scowl. On hearing the door close he muttered;

"Interesting." to himself and began to sort the ingredients himself.

-0O0O0-

........Questioning my teaching methods was entirely inappropriate."

Lupin looked up from his cup of tea and sighed. He seemed to be sighing a lot lately he noted. Unable to summon the energy for an argument he resorted too simply rolling his eyes and returning then to the paper on the desk.

Dumbledore's eyes flicked up from the muggle book he was reading, peeking over the top of his spectacles he watched the two men with an interested air.

"I said…"

"I am aware of what you said Severus."

"Your reply?"

"I rolled my eyes."

Snape scowled and, hands on hips, stood with a glare fixed on Lupin.

"That is hardly fair."

Lupin rolled them again.

"Severus, either get a cup of tea and sit down or leave. The 'death glare' has no effect on me. I, unlike your first years, am impervious to it.

"Understand this Lupin. The 'me' you know would have no place in a class room teaching children. He would be crucified. Do not expect that to happen."

"Point taken."

Snape nodded and sat in the chair opposite, accioing a mug. Out of habit Lupin reached for the tea pot and poured a cup, then sat back and watched as Snape dunked several spoons of sugar into it.

"It'll never work, you know."

"What won't?" Snapped Snape.

"All that sugar. You're far too bitter to turn sweet."

The comment was meant as friendly, a joke, but as soon as he said it, Lupin could have kicked himself. Snape's hand stopped with the mug half way to his lips and for a split second Lupin saw something other than anger in others eyes. Then it was replaced with a blank black glaze. With out a word Snape stood up and left the room. Lupin was left feeling more than a little mean staring at the steaming mug on the table, dark splashes around its base where it had connected with the table with quite some force.

"Remus…"

Lupin looked up, and sighed. Again.

"I know Albus."

"That was, I think, a little too much…"

"He has been horrible today."

"It is the end of term."

"Aren't teachers usually glad for the end of term? He practically hates teaching?!"

"If there is no teaching, normally there is also a lack of teaching assistants. He may _dislike_," Dumbledore corrected, "teaching, but not his teaching assistant…"

Lupin paused, his brain ticking that over, before saying;

"Why do you always finish your sentences with a dot dot dot headmaster?"

Dumbledore chuckled;

"My dear, I prefer to let you finish them for me. I think you know how."

Lupin flopped back in his chair and narrowed his eyes at the old man, who in turn smiled back sweetly.

"Oh fine. I get what you are saying. But he is a grumpy…"

"Old fart?"

Lupins eyes opened a little wide and a small smile escaped his lips. Dumbledore chuckled;

"Something I have picked up from the first years. Apt, don't you think?"

"For Severus?"

"Merlin forbid he hears it from me but, yes. Perhaps."

"I suppose I'll just…" Lupin gestured at the still steaming mug on the table.

Dumbledore nodded;

"There are some pumpkin biscuits in the cupboard. Horatio Bigbrish, one of the third years, made them for me and you're more than welcome to them. I fear she made them with magic and there are rather too many for an old man to eat alone."

Lupin opened the indicated door and reached for one of the two dozen or so boxes of biscuits;

"Horatio? She?"

"There was some initial confusion…"

"Ah." Lupin decided not to ask anymore; "Thank you head master. Wish me luck."

"I have faith in you."


	14. Chapter 14

Ok, so here it is.

First, my humble apologies at my uselessness at updating this sooner. Poor excuses all fall into one category; real life. Pah. Honestly though, mother had to have open heart surgery, we've had very ill horses at work and I nearly lost my pregnant mare, what can I say. When the horses are ill, everything stops! Just ask the ex boyfriends...

Anyway, here it is.

And it's the last one. I think. If you have liked it and would like more, with less of a time span between chapters let me know.

Otherwise, thanks for reading, and many many thanks for the reviews. They were all greatly appreciated, even the really really finiccity ones!

I hope you enjoyed the ride.

MTP.

********************

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Lupin couldn't find Snape in any of his usual haunts. After searching them all he admitted defeat and placed a 'find-me' on his wand, surprised when it pointed him towards the main doors and into the grounds. He descended the stone stairs slowly. The vibration he felt from his wand working stopping as the target was approached. Pausing half way down he jumped when a voice from behind and below him said;

"Eight more."

"Oh! Um, sorry?"

"There are eight more. Totalling thirteen. Pay attention Lupin, if to nothing else at least to your own lessons."

Lupin ignored the bite and made his way down the remaining stairs towards Snape who was leant on the wall, hands shoved deep into the pockets of the frock coat he was wearing. He didn't look particularly pleased at being found. Lupin pressed on bravely;

"How did you know it was…"

"You?" Snape cut in sharply; "the pad of paws perhaps…"

It came out harsher than he had intended and he cursed himself, sighing, he brought his hands out of his pockets and held them up in mock surrender; an apology accepted by the other.

Lupin moved around to lean next to Snape, the stone hard and cold against his back. They stood side by side in silence for several minutes, until Lupin, remembering the box said;

"I have biscuits!" in what he knew to be far too cheerful a voice. Snape looked bemused;

"I am very happy for you."

Lupin frowned but shut up, shaking his head, thinking. Eventually he sighed and put the box on top of the wall behind him. Turning to face Snape he said quietly;

"I can't do this."

"Do what? Lean against a wall? Make inane comments about baking…"

"Oh shut up!" Lupin snapped; "Stop the sarcastic comments and just listen you…"

Snape raised an eyebrow, eyes gazing past Lupins head without any aim.

"...You annoying fool you! This! I can't do _this_ anymore!"

At that the pale face turned towards Lupins, giving the unnerving impression that he was being looked straight into. If he didn't know better Lupin would have sworn Snape was studying his face.

"And what, exactly, _is_ this?"

"I have no bloody idea!"

Very quietly Snape said;

"Ah."

Lupin took a calming breath and put his hands on his hips, absorbing the details in the lined face before him. Finally calm he spoke;

"Will you listen?"

"I am blind Lupin. Not deaf."

"Just because you hear doesn't mean you listen. Especially in your case. Will you hear me out, with no sarcasm, retorts or snarling?"

Snape considered this, before answering;

"I shall."

"Thank you." Lupin took a deep breath;

"I think, that is, well,"

"You aren't making any sense."

"I know. Here, listen. You remember the other day, after we spent the night together,"

"You make it sound sordid."

"Um. Sorry. Well, I thought…"

Lupin paused, looking down at the floor, trying to steady the quiver in his voice.

"You thought what?" Snape asked, intrigued.

"You were stood there, there was blood, my cut throat, you were shaking…"

"And?"

"Well, it scared me."

"Scared you? Why on earth…Oh!"

"Exactly!"

"That is almost amusing! Why on earth would I wish to kill myself!"

Lupin winced;

"You had just woken up in my bed…"

"Believe me when I say that had I not of wanted to wake up in your bed I most certainly would not have!"

"That is a relief."

"You do understand now why…"

"Oh yes, the potion, Cruciatus… Completely."

"Good. Lupin…Remus…"

"Yes?"

"If I tell you something which could be seen as ridiculously pathetic and practically verging on vomitous, would you think me completely mad?"

"Probably not…"

"Good enough I suppose. The time since I was discovered a spy, these past months, have, if I am being honest, been…nice."

"Nice?"

"Yes. Baring the actual physical blindness, of course."

"Of course."

"You think me mad."

"Only slightly. I wait to be corrected."

"Very well. I shall endeavour. Before, well, that was not me. It was what I had become and what I had been used to being, but not me. I almost forgot what 'me' was. That is where you came in, you have helped me a great deal, allowing me to realise that I am still capable of having friends, possibly more… And by always being around in the alarmingly un annoying way you have I am no longer constantly alert when in company. I have rediscovered the pleasure in sitting and listening to conversation. For that I want to say thank you, and for that, yes, as mad as it may make me seem, it has been…nice."

Lupin leaned over and planted a kiss on the others forehead;

"Ah bless."

"Vomitous."

"Entirely."

"But true."

"I'm glad. But also, that morning, it made me realise how scared I am of loosing you." he paused, and then jabbed a finger in the Snapes chest;

"But _you_, you run hotter and colder than Hogwarts plumbing, one day it's like walking on eggshells, the merest thing I say can cause you to, I'm sure, be casting silent Crucio's at me, the next you seem to want nothing more than to be bundled into my arms and taken care of. And then there's this blasted sexual tension…" Lupin almost lost it then and laughed at the bright red blush climbing up the others cheeks and the widening of the eyes at the merest mention of the _thought_ of sex, but he bit his tongue. He was on a roll and determined to finish;

"The number of times in that damned tiny supply cupboard of yours where its been, I'm sure, obvious to any observant sixth year with an imagination why either one of us comes out looking decidedly flustered. Now I'm in the bad books again. For voicing an opinion which was just that. The difference between opinion and criticism is something you have great trouble grasping. I have questions I want answers to. Number one being, why the sudden relapse into… 'Grumpy old fart'?

"Grumpy. Old. Fart?"

Lupin had the good grace to look a little abashed at the tone in Snape's voice.

"You know what I mean."

"That is debatable. Lupin, I can assure you that I have always been a…grumpy old…..well, grumpy. It is not something that will change. I happen to like being grumpy on occasion when needed, and I have no intention to change. Not even for you."

"I see."

"I don't believe you do. I shall perhaps re-phrase that. I don't think I _could_ change. Not even for you. Better?"

"Marginally. Question two. Will you ever, do you think, acknowledge the times I see you at your more…vulnerable…"

Snape winced at the word and when he looked back up it was with disdain etched into his features.

"and not just pretend they never happened."

"When have I pretended?" said Snape, indignantly.

Lupin thought, then answered triumphantly;

"Last week! Minerva read the Prophet aloud, at the mention of the latest Death Eater activity, you were shaken."

"The details were a little hard to stomach for anyone…"

"And even more for someone who…"Lupin interrupted, then lowered his tone; he had sworn to himself that this would not turn into a shouting match; "for someone who has experienced it first hand."

"I fail to see how I pretended…"

"You looked so upset for a moment. I took your hand, no one saw…"

Snape nodded gently, understanding;

"Ah."

"Ah. They certainly saw when you snatched it away and snarled at me."

"Point taken."

"Really?"

"Yes. I apologise even. I am rather used to guarding my darker secrets. Perhaps rather too well. I assure you that it was greatly received before I decided on the snarl… I will even allow what is bound to a somewhat smug look on your face."

Lupin schooled his face neutral and inwardly cursed the defiantly smug look on Snape's face.

"There was hardly time for you to appreciate it before the snarl…"

"Time enough."

"Oh. Well, thank you for admitting that. Progress."

"Your third question?"

Um, yes. Well, ah, the whole…"

"Blasted sexual tension…"

"Yes that."

"I quite enjoy it."

Now it was time for Lupin to blush, and be a little taken aback, he had never expected that;

"Really? That's good. But, well, wouldn't you rather have the act than the tension?" he couldn't help the hopeful tone creep into his voice.

"Perhaps."

"Perhaps! What the hell does that mean?!"

"It means perhaps Lupin. Yes, in theory I would rather have, as you put it, the act, but in reality…" Snape's voice changed into the one Lupin had come to associate with him when they were alone, a less considered tone; "In reality Remus you remember I am sure what happened last time we attempted any sort of, intimacy."

Lupin took a step toward the other man and said softly;

"Will that stop us from trying again?"

"No…just not this very moment, alright?"

"Not this very moment, no. It will be very cold in twenty minutes and I have no desire that our first time be in the grounds against uncomfortable stone stairs with goose bumps! Anyway, we have all the time in the world, don't we? Summer holidays and no children…"

"Do we?" The hope in Snape's voice was un mistakable; "All the time in the world?"

"Yes! What were you thinking? That I was going somewhere soon?"

"Term is ending…"

"That doesn't mean we are Severus. I'm here for as long as you want me." Lupin regarded him quietly before touching a cheek;

"I think I see the problem."

"You do?"

Lupin nodded;

"Yes. I'm really not going anywhere. At least, not without you. Is that…acceptable?"

Snape remained silent and slowly nodded his head, he appeared to be deep in thought, brows knit together and sub consciously biting his upper lip in a way which made Lupin want to join in. Lupin was just about to say something when the other man took a step forward, closing the gap between them to mere inches. He reached out a searching hand which Lupin took hold of in a way which was now more instinct than habit, mildly surprised at the firmness of the grasp. The other long fingered hand reached up and found Lupins face, fingers tickling their way around until it was cupping the back of the Werewolf's head, curly greying hair covering the knuckles. As he thought he couldn't be any more surprised Lupin's heart made a small leap as his head was pulled forward in an obvious invite for a kiss.

Snape could feel his heart pounding and he wandered briefly if Lupins was doing the same, and he only briefly wandered whether this was complete madness. He hadn't trusted himself to speak when Lupin had said he was going to be around for as long as he wanted him, so had instead decided on kissing the man. It was only now as he pulled the warm, soft hair covered head towards him that he realised he had only the vaguest of ideas where Lupin's lips actually were. Suddenly panicking that he would end up slobbering down the mans chin, he stopped short, eyes slightly alarmed.

'No chance,' thought Lupin, 'you're not backing out now!' and he closed the gap himself.

The kiss lasted longer then either man had expected, and when at last they pulled apart, both were slightly breathless. Lupin let a grin spread across his face and, feeling the muscles move, Snape traced it with a finger. When the finger was duly kissed itself, Snape's lips twitched upward and he muttered;

"Grinning like a fool Lupin."

"Of course."

"Hrmph."

They stood together a while longer, Snape idly tracing the smile and Lupin enjoying the callused tip of the finger, before he caught it in his own hand and nipped the end. Snape's eyes rose in mild shock, whispering;

"It's a good job the children are all in bed…"

Lupin chuckled. He pulled the hand away from his face but kept hold of it, gently tugging the man toward the door;

"Come on, its cold out here and its late. I feel a cup of tea is needed, we also have our fair share of Bigbrish's biscuits to finish as well."

They made their way into the castle, amicably bantering with each other, voices growing quieter as they disappeared out of sight;

"So glad to hear you eat something other than Potions Masters…"

"Oh I eat them as well, especially the tasty ones."

"I have _no_ idea what you mean Professor Lupin."

"I'm sure you don't, Professor Snape…"

---------0-0-0-0-0-0-----------------

Epilogue;

Next September.

Lupin stood in the store cupboard of the potions classroom, running through the last minute stock taking he had put off for weeks. He listened to the first years who had cautiously come in a few minutes ago, some excited chatter and some very nervous whispering going on. He grinned to himself, knowing half of them would fear the Potions Professor before even being taught by him, and knowing how much that would please Severus. He continued to tick boxes, seeing no reason to alert them to his presence, the first ever lesson not being a practical there was no point in Lupin being present. He stilled from his task as he heard the classroom door slam shut and familiar footsteps stride across the room. The silence the children had fallen into could almost be felt, and closing his eyes Lupin could see the dark figure stood at the lectern. It made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.

He lent against one of the shelves and listened, waiting in anticipation, having heard about the famous 'speech' from Dumbledore but, obviously, never hearing it first hand.

"There shall be no foolish waving of wands, no silly incantations…"

Lupin had to nearly stuff his fist in his mouth to stop from laughing at the drama in Severus' voice.

However…

By "…subtle science and exact art…" he had calmed down and was almost hypnotised.

By "…put a stopper in death." he was practically drooling.

Fin.


End file.
